Beware
Do not go astray.49 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
Great entry. Gruesome picture! Suitable end rhyme. Alliteration with 'looking' and 'lost'. I hope all readers would be more than acquainted with Christian goals.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
  |
Great entry. Gruesome picture! Suitable end rhyme. Alliteration with 'looking' and 'lost'. I hope all readers would be more than acquainted with Christian goals.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
-
Thanks Spitfire. I had to change the picture. It was bothering me.
-
I like the new one much better! It bothered me too.
Comment from jenintorre
Satan certainly is on the prowl that's for sure with what's happening in the world today. Scary picture.
I wish you lots of luck in the 20 syllable competition.
Best wishes. Jen.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
|
Satan certainly is on the prowl that's for sure with what's happening in the world today. Scary picture.
I wish you lots of luck in the 20 syllable competition.
Best wishes. Jen.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
-
Thanks, Jen. I'm always on the lookout for that bugger.
Comment from Malerie
Well written and tells the story using the allowable syllables. Your picture you selected leaps out and brings life to your words, yes "we have run afoul of our Christian goals.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
|
Well written and tells the story using the allowable syllables. Your picture you selected leaps out and brings life to your words, yes "we have run afoul of our Christian goals.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
-
Thanks, Malerie. He's always on the lookout.
Comment from Midi O'Rourke
You have met the criteria for the contest. You have 20 syllables. The poem is nice, but harsh, which I think is the way you intended. The picture clearly represents a sex act with a demon, which I find offensive. It greatly distracts fro the poem.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
 |
You have met the criteria for the contest. You have 20 syllables. The poem is nice, but harsh, which I think is the way you intended. The picture clearly represents a sex act with a demon, which I find offensive. It greatly distracts fro the poem.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
-
Sorry about that, Midi. I spent a lot of time searching for a picture and couldn't find what I wanted. I agree with you. I have changed the picture.
-
Oh great, thanks Paul
Comment from Frank Malley
The picture is the most striking part of this poem/picture combination. I think it's unfortunate that the image suggests that lust is a grave sin, when in fact it is a natural outcome of being human and biological. Of course, like all powerful drives, sexuality can become unmanageable; perhaps that is what is suggested by Satan's hand in the picture. As to the poem: while it is flawless in meter and rhyme, it is also quite commonplace, and excellent or exceptional poetry has to reach beyond the ordinary. One way to make novelty more likely to show up in a poem is to avoid ding-dong metrical arrangements. Start with a line like, " Close to the ground, a resplendent serpent, he seeks a hungry soul." You're less likely to end up sing-song with a start like that.Best of luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
|
The picture is the most striking part of this poem/picture combination. I think it's unfortunate that the image suggests that lust is a grave sin, when in fact it is a natural outcome of being human and biological. Of course, like all powerful drives, sexuality can become unmanageable; perhaps that is what is suggested by Satan's hand in the picture. As to the poem: while it is flawless in meter and rhyme, it is also quite commonplace, and excellent or exceptional poetry has to reach beyond the ordinary. One way to make novelty more likely to show up in a poem is to avoid ding-dong metrical arrangements. Start with a line like, " Close to the ground, a resplendent serpent, he seeks a hungry soul." You're less likely to end up sing-song with a start like that.Best of luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
-
Thanks for the commentary, Frank. Always open to criticism.
Comment from Gee
Oh, very nicely done.
I like it. It captures the issues of our times in such a small little poem.
A 20 syllable poem is hard. you did great.
Thanks for sharing and I hope to see more of your work in the upcoming year.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
|
Oh, very nicely done.
I like it. It captures the issues of our times in such a small little poem.
A 20 syllable poem is hard. you did great.
Thanks for sharing and I hope to see more of your work in the upcoming year.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
-
Thanks for the review, Eugene. Twenty syllables is a tough one.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Hand-counted twenty syllables, so meets that requirement of the contest.
Strong rhymes.
Defines a lot of backsliders, unfortunately.
It is in weak moments Christians are most vulnerable.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
|
Hand-counted twenty syllables, so meets that requirement of the contest.
Strong rhymes.
Defines a lot of backsliders, unfortunately.
It is in weak moments Christians are most vulnerable.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
-
Thanks, Brett. Those weak moments are a bummer.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I happen to agree. I am positive Satan is having a lot of fun right now. Many are so far from God that it's scary. Christianity has become unpopular and people are falling by the wayside. Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I wish you luck.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
|
I happen to agree. I am positive Satan is having a lot of fun right now. Many are so far from God that it's scary. Christianity has become unpopular and people are falling by the wayside. Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I wish you luck.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
-
Thanks, Barb. I think all religions are struggling.
Comment from Janice Canerdy
You have conveyed a powerful spiritual message with your mere twenty syllables, but I must point out that a Christian doesn't become LOST, as your poem seems to imply. Christians can, though, become backslidden and ACT lost! Been there, done that!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
|
You have conveyed a powerful spiritual message with your mere twenty syllables, but I must point out that a Christian doesn't become LOST, as your poem seems to imply. Christians can, though, become backslidden and ACT lost! Been there, done that!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
-
Thanks, Janice. Your point is well taken.
