Strangers
Related But...16 total reviews
Comment from SimianSavant
I have heard about these stories (probably much more common then I realize) but never met anyone who went through it. What a mindf*** that must be. Is there a better word to say? I searched though my vocabulary, and nope, didn't find anything.
Your story and rhymes work.
solider <= assuming you meant to say *soldier*
But my parents had a secret,
that I recently found out. <= The meter isn't quite working here. It seems worth mentioning because in other places, particularly with the contractions at the end, you took the effort to make your meter fit very well. To make it fit here, I would omit the first word of both of these lines.
They married and had a baby,
that's a fact I never knew.
<= try: they married there and had a child, a fact I never knew
My mother was a war bride,
to America she came. <= for this to work with the meter, there need to be two beats between *bride* and *to*. If you leave this as written, using a semicolon instead of a comma might imply a longer pause.
wonder if they ever healed <= too many syllables; try: I wonder if they healed
Everybody has their reasons <= too many syllables
for doing what they do,
but I feel bad for that child <= too few syllables
and what he was put through.
Et cetera. So, you get the idea what I am trying to do here, helping your lines click a little bit more with the meter.
People are complicated. It is totally out of place for me to give you advice -- maybe you can think of it as a final gift from your parents? Thanks for sharing such an interesting personal story. I hope that serves as a beautiful introduction to a very interesting chapter of your life.
Best,
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2022
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I have heard about these stories (probably much more common then I realize) but never met anyone who went through it. What a mindf*** that must be. Is there a better word to say? I searched though my vocabulary, and nope, didn't find anything.
Your story and rhymes work.
solider <= assuming you meant to say *soldier*
But my parents had a secret,
that I recently found out. <= The meter isn't quite working here. It seems worth mentioning because in other places, particularly with the contractions at the end, you took the effort to make your meter fit very well. To make it fit here, I would omit the first word of both of these lines.
They married and had a baby,
that's a fact I never knew.
<= try: they married there and had a child, a fact I never knew
My mother was a war bride,
to America she came. <= for this to work with the meter, there need to be two beats between *bride* and *to*. If you leave this as written, using a semicolon instead of a comma might imply a longer pause.
wonder if they ever healed <= too many syllables; try: I wonder if they healed
Everybody has their reasons <= too many syllables
for doing what they do,
but I feel bad for that child <= too few syllables
and what he was put through.
Et cetera. So, you get the idea what I am trying to do here, helping your lines click a little bit more with the meter.
People are complicated. It is totally out of place for me to give you advice -- maybe you can think of it as a final gift from your parents? Thanks for sharing such an interesting personal story. I hope that serves as a beautiful introduction to a very interesting chapter of your life.
Best,
Comment Written 02-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2022
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Thank you for this great review and the spelling correction. I also appreciate your suggestions on improving my poem....I'll definitely look them over. You aptly put how this whole thing feels, I'm still processing it. I have video chatted with James and he seems nice enough. Thanks again. :)
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A fine story and I am so glad you have been reunited with your brother, what an uplifting story here and congratulations on your win, I enjoyed your well rhymed poem here, magical, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2021
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A fine story and I am so glad you have been reunited with your brother, what an uplifting story here and congratulations on your win, I enjoyed your well rhymed poem here, magical, love Dolly x
Comment Written 26-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2021
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It's really unbelievable, but it's real! He lives in a place called Trowborough....do you know it? Thanks so much for reading. :)
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I have heard of Crowborough, but not Trowborough, love Dolly x
Comment from kiwisteveh
Congratulations on the contest win with this moving piece about your family secret. The story is told in rhythmical, rhyming verse and the facts are expressed clearly.
It seems very likely that there are many more stories similar to this that we never hear about, although more and more of them are being revealed thanks to the wonders of DNA testing which reveals unknown relatives. My wife has only recently discovered that she has/had a number of half-siblings - one dead, one mysteriously vanished and one living in Australia whom we have chatted with.
When doing genealogy she also discovered that her stepfather had half-siblings that he knew nothing about. They had all passed away and he was already quite ill, so we made the difficult decision not to tell him about his 'other' family.
You are right that we can never know the exact circumstances for people to make these kinds of decisions.
Steve
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2021
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Congratulations on the contest win with this moving piece about your family secret. The story is told in rhythmical, rhyming verse and the facts are expressed clearly.
It seems very likely that there are many more stories similar to this that we never hear about, although more and more of them are being revealed thanks to the wonders of DNA testing which reveals unknown relatives. My wife has only recently discovered that she has/had a number of half-siblings - one dead, one mysteriously vanished and one living in Australia whom we have chatted with.
When doing genealogy she also discovered that her stepfather had half-siblings that he knew nothing about. They had all passed away and he was already quite ill, so we made the difficult decision not to tell him about his 'other' family.
You are right that we can never know the exact circumstances for people to make these kinds of decisions.
Steve
Comment Written 26-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2021
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Thanks for reading my poem and for sharing your story. You never know where life is going to take you. Hope you had a wonderful holiday. :)
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Congratulations, Boogie, on your win Your story is amazing, though poignant. You told it well. Your line flow smoothly with good end rhymes and great imagery. I like the picture you paired with your well thought out words. Thanks, too, for the notes. I wish you the best in this new chapter of your life.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2021
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Congratulations, Boogie, on your win Your story is amazing, though poignant. You told it well. Your line flow smoothly with good end rhymes and great imagery. I like the picture you paired with your well thought out words. Thanks, too, for the notes. I wish you the best in this new chapter of your life.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 25-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2021
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Thank you for this nice review and your kind words. :)
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the Life changing writing prompt contest.
Your poem is sad and happy, that's what life is.
Really heartfelt. The best one in the contest so far. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2021
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Excellent entry for the Life changing writing prompt contest.
Your poem is sad and happy, that's what life is.
Really heartfelt. The best one in the contest so far. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2021
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Thank you for this great review, it's very appreciated. Have a very merry Christmas and a happy new year. :)
Comment from Annmuma
What a story!! I am so glad you two found each other and have an opportunity to become real family now Beautifully written and the picture says it all --- we never can know another's real - reality, only the one they choose to share. Merry Christmas. ann
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2021
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What a story!! I am so glad you two found each other and have an opportunity to become real family now Beautifully written and the picture says it all --- we never can know another's real - reality, only the one they choose to share. Merry Christmas. ann
Comment Written 24-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2021
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Thanks so much for this thoughtful review, I really appreciate it. Please have a merry Christmas and a happy new year. :)
Comment from Earl Corp
What a story. And to find out just before Christmas makes it even more special. Very nice job. Stay safe and stay healthy. Good luck in the contest. Have a blessed and merry Christmas.
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2021
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What a story. And to find out just before Christmas makes it even more special. Very nice job. Stay safe and stay healthy. Good luck in the contest. Have a blessed and merry Christmas.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2021
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Thank you for this nice review, it's very appreciated. I wish you and your family a merry Christmas and a happy new year. :)
Comment from Wendy G
Wow, what a story, so well expressed in verse. It must have been so hard for your parents, as well as for him, and the reasons for leaving him behind will never be known. But I am very glad he has found you, his sister, and I hope that will help him to know you, and your love and care.
Wendy
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2021
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Wow, what a story, so well expressed in verse. It must have been so hard for your parents, as well as for him, and the reasons for leaving him behind will never be known. But I am very glad he has found you, his sister, and I hope that will help him to know you, and your love and care.
Wendy
Comment Written 24-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2021
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Thank you for this thoughtful review. I have already video chatted with him and we were both very nervous, but happy to be talking. I wish you and your family a very merry Christmas and a happy new year. :)
Comment from D Kiffiak
Your poem is a sad tale that ends in hope for both your and your brother. Thanks for sharing it. I think you could do well to leave out the buts and ands. Possibly tighten up some of your lines. For example,
"not in my life, this is wild" seems a little awkward. You might change it to "not in my life - it's wild". Hope all goes well with meeting your brother.
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2021
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Your poem is a sad tale that ends in hope for both your and your brother. Thanks for sharing it. I think you could do well to leave out the buts and ands. Possibly tighten up some of your lines. For example,
"not in my life, this is wild" seems a little awkward. You might change it to "not in my life - it's wild". Hope all goes well with meeting your brother.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2021
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Thank you for this nice review and your helpful suggestions. I wish you and your family a very merry Christmas and a happy new year. :)
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
What a huge surprise in your life. You have written kindly of your parents in spite of knowing what they did, now that they can never explain it to you. I hope you and your brother can make a relationship for your future. Have a blessed holiday season.
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2021
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What a huge surprise in your life. You have written kindly of your parents in spite of knowing what they did, now that they can never explain it to you. I hope you and your brother can make a relationship for your future. Have a blessed holiday season.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2021
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I hope so too. I've already video chatted with him and we were nervous but glad to be talking. He has such a thick British accent I sometimes had trouble understanding him...lol. I hope you and your family are having a merry Christmas. :)
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As much as I pray this is your brother, I do worry about the Nigerian scams that hurt so many people.
