Smokey and the Smiling Ghost
The path to becoming heroes was easy - talk to a ghost.8 total reviews
Comment from AliMom
What a great story. Imaginative and interesting without excessive blood and horror. It is sad. I feel so awful about what happened to Brenda but I love how she is encouraged to go into the light. I love that she was hanging around because she was afraid. The young man's instructions showed great wisdom. Congratulations on your win.
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What a great story. Imaginative and interesting without excessive blood and horror. It is sad. I feel so awful about what happened to Brenda but I love how she is encouraged to go into the light. I love that she was hanging around because she was afraid. The young man's instructions showed great wisdom. Congratulations on your win.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2021
Comment from writer723
I really enjoyed reading your very entertaining story. It had all of the elements that a great ghost story needs. It was, to me, spooky yet humorous and engaging from beginning to end. Your writing talent is evident in the way your words flow so smoothly. Congratulations on the first place win!
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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I really enjoyed reading your very entertaining story. It had all of the elements that a great ghost story needs. It was, to me, spooky yet humorous and engaging from beginning to end. Your writing talent is evident in the way your words flow so smoothly. Congratulations on the first place win!
Comment Written 27-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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Thank you!
Comment from GollyGreen32
Hi! I loved your story. It drew me in from beginning to end. I especially liked the part in your story where at first, they discovered that it was Brenda's face carved into her gravestone and a green light installed next to the grave. I also liked that you carried the story until the characters reached old age and death. For some reason, though, I didn't feel that scared, but great job on the story. Have a blessed and Merry Christmas!
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2021
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Hi! I loved your story. It drew me in from beginning to end. I especially liked the part in your story where at first, they discovered that it was Brenda's face carved into her gravestone and a green light installed next to the grave. I also liked that you carried the story until the characters reached old age and death. For some reason, though, I didn't feel that scared, but great job on the story. Have a blessed and Merry Christmas!
Comment Written 22-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2021
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Thank you so much! I hope you have a great Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Comment from Mary Shifman
I loved this story. I feel sorry for Smoky. No dog should be treated like that. I really like the narrator and his pal. They're good kids and kind too, talking Brenda into walking into the light. You did a great job with this one! Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2021
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I loved this story. I feel sorry for Smoky. No dog should be treated like that. I really like the narrator and his pal. They're good kids and kind too, talking Brenda into walking into the light. You did a great job with this one! Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2021
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Thank you!
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You are welcome.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
I liked this one. There were a LOT of different elements that were completely unexpected (and totally unnecessary) but that helped round out the story and breathe more life into it. Kudos!
The part about the guard dog, for example. The parts at the end - I couldn't help but think about Animal House - the old movie? Remember at the end, when it told where everyone ended up? That's what I kinda felt at the end of your story. I liked it. It sewed up every single loose end - you didn't have to do that, but it was nice. And surprising.
This should be a great contender in the contest.
I do have a couple of notes for you:
1.) All the guys seemed to be experiencing a growth spurt �¢?"
--> remove the strange symbols inserted by the editor
2.) Smokey was the cemetery's German Shep(he)rd guard dog
3.) You two wimps don't have the guts (to) go to into the cemetery at night
--> delete the 'to' after 'go
I appreciate the time and energy and imagination here and wish you lots of luck in the voting!
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2021
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Dear Mystery Writer,
I liked this one. There were a LOT of different elements that were completely unexpected (and totally unnecessary) but that helped round out the story and breathe more life into it. Kudos!
The part about the guard dog, for example. The parts at the end - I couldn't help but think about Animal House - the old movie? Remember at the end, when it told where everyone ended up? That's what I kinda felt at the end of your story. I liked it. It sewed up every single loose end - you didn't have to do that, but it was nice. And surprising.
This should be a great contender in the contest.
I do have a couple of notes for you:
1.) All the guys seemed to be experiencing a growth spurt �¢?"
--> remove the strange symbols inserted by the editor
2.) Smokey was the cemetery's German Shep(he)rd guard dog
3.) You two wimps don't have the guts (to) go to into the cemetery at night
--> delete the 'to' after 'go
I appreciate the time and energy and imagination here and wish you lots of luck in the voting!
Comment Written 20-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2021
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Thank you! I appreciate your comments (and your eagle eye).
Comment from Earl Corp
I liked this story a lot. It had everything that makes a good ghost story in it. I especially liked the "where are they now" segment you added at the end. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2021
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I liked this story a lot. It had everything that makes a good ghost story in it. I especially liked the "where are they now" segment you added at the end. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2021
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Thank you!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Shouldn't "sightly" be slightly?
Story starts with death of 12 year old girl, and ends with her memory, keeping the theme consistent throughout. This also provides a nice touch to the story.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2021
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Shouldn't "sightly" be slightly?
Story starts with death of 12 year old girl, and ends with her memory, keeping the theme consistent throughout. This also provides a nice touch to the story.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2021
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Thank you! I appreciate your comments.
Comment from Susan Newell
This is a great entry for the contest, with a nice twist of losing fear of a ghost, only yo have one appear. The characters were all believable as 12-year-olds. Poor Smokey. I'm glad he got after Bellinger, but chewing off half his face might have been better. :-) Some proofing notes follow.
Brenda's parents, particularly her father, were devastated by death. -- HER death?
"You two wimps don't have the guts to into the ==> to GO into
Turning to me, Rendell batted she batted her long eyelashes -- oops
A life-sized picture of Brenda's face had been etched into her tombstone. A fluorescent pale green light that was partially embedded in the ground illuminated the photo. --- A photo isn't etched. An image could be; or a photo could be embedded or mounted.
with sightly embellished takes about Smokey -- Do you mean TALES?
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This is a great entry for the contest, with a nice twist of losing fear of a ghost, only yo have one appear. The characters were all believable as 12-year-olds. Poor Smokey. I'm glad he got after Bellinger, but chewing off half his face might have been better. :-) Some proofing notes follow.
Brenda's parents, particularly her father, were devastated by death. -- HER death?
"You two wimps don't have the guts to into the ==> to GO into
Turning to me, Rendell batted she batted her long eyelashes -- oops
A life-sized picture of Brenda's face had been etched into her tombstone. A fluorescent pale green light that was partially embedded in the ground illuminated the photo. --- A photo isn't etched. An image could be; or a photo could be embedded or mounted.
with sightly embellished takes about Smokey -- Do you mean TALES?
Comment Written 19-Dec-2021
