My Heavenly Father
I am my Father's Child36 total reviews
Comment from Tina Crute
This is such a heart-rending write. I love that you used purple, for royalty of your heavenly Father. This is emotionally but succinctly worded and precious! I love the missed bullet explained as a hollow round. Well done!
Tina
P.S. I am out of sixes, but you deserve one!
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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This is such a heart-rending write. I love that you used purple, for royalty of your heavenly Father. This is emotionally but succinctly worded and precious! I love the missed bullet explained as a hollow round. Well done!
Tina
P.S. I am out of sixes, but you deserve one!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thank you for your constructive comment concerning the rhyming in the first verse. I agree that your example is a much better rhyme; however, it would not have been true to my life. My father was an alcoholic and left my mother when I was very small, before my memory kicked in. As a result I had no memory or hope of him ever being my father. I appreciate your compliments and generous review. Thank you.
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I'm sorry to hear that. It doesn't seem fair what some kids go through. I'm going to read your poem again with that in mind:)
Tina
Comment from zanya
This is a beautiful poem with a distinct sense of dignity and gratitude taking the reader from the situation with regard to the human father and finally coming to the realisation of the presence of a heavenly father
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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This is a beautiful poem with a distinct sense of dignity and gratitude taking the reader from the situation with regard to the human father and finally coming to the realisation of the presence of a heavenly father
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thank you for your most generous review, especially the sixth star. I appreciate your compliments and kind words.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Friend,
You have very beautifully depicted God as your Father who has always been with you after your parents' departure to heavenly abode.
It's a nice piece of poetry having impressive phraseology and smooth flow throughout from the beginning to the end with lovely rhyming scheme.
3rd stanza is particularly noteworthy.
BEST OF LUCK in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Hello Friend,
You have very beautifully depicted God as your Father who has always been with you after your parents' departure to heavenly abode.
It's a nice piece of poetry having impressive phraseology and smooth flow throughout from the beginning to the end with lovely rhyming scheme.
3rd stanza is particularly noteworthy.
BEST OF LUCK in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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I appreciate your comments, particularly coming from such an accomplished and talented poet. Thank you for your review and best wishes.
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Hello Friend, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
' My Heavenly Father ' , is an extremely well-written and spiritually-uplifting piece. Penned with craft and skill. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review. Good luck with the contest. Please let me know how you get on?
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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' My Heavenly Father ' , is an extremely well-written and spiritually-uplifting piece. Penned with craft and skill. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review. Good luck with the contest. Please let me know how you get on?
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thank you for your most generous review and best wishes. I appreciate your complimentary comments.
Comment from amahra
I love this poem. Instead of your character feeling sorry for himself, he recognizes the times when God filled in all the empty slots in his life. This was a wonderful writing. Great job!
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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I love this poem. Instead of your character feeling sorry for himself, he recognizes the times when God filled in all the empty slots in his life. This was a wonderful writing. Great job!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thank you. I'm glad you liked my poem. You clearly understood what I was trying to convey. I appreciate your review.
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a well written poem about your past on how God can fill voids and faith gives you strength to go on. If this is biographical, I am sorry for your losses of your parents so young.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Merry Christmas
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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This is a well written poem about your past on how God can fill voids and faith gives you strength to go on. If this is biographical, I am sorry for your losses of your parents so young.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Merry Christmas
dragonpoet
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thank you for your kind review. The poem is my story and I appreciate your concern and best wishes. And a Merry Christmas to you as well!
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No problem on both accounts. Thanks for the Christmas wishes
dp
Comment from SimianSavant
I think this will do very well in the contest. If this was fictional it would be hyper cheesy if the harmless bullet round is a reference to Christ's substitutionary atonement in an era before bullets, BUT assuming this is non-fiction, it is a pretty harrowing story, and sounds like a miracle that you survived all these things! The only issue I see with the meter is that *heavenly* kind of overloads it, with three syllables where two is expected. Perhaps you can come up with a synonym for *heavenly*? People use that word all the time, so maybe you can surprise them with something different, like *I have another father*, which draws in the reader a bit more by not delivering the punchline immediately.
The other thing that is potentially confusing is that you mention God earlier on, but then heavenly father is discreet from that.
Final suggestion: consider a picture without text. The text is an entirely different form of prose, and distracts from your poem, rather than enhancing it.
Thanks for the read!
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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I think this will do very well in the contest. If this was fictional it would be hyper cheesy if the harmless bullet round is a reference to Christ's substitutionary atonement in an era before bullets, BUT assuming this is non-fiction, it is a pretty harrowing story, and sounds like a miracle that you survived all these things! The only issue I see with the meter is that *heavenly* kind of overloads it, with three syllables where two is expected. Perhaps you can come up with a synonym for *heavenly*? People use that word all the time, so maybe you can surprise them with something different, like *I have another father*, which draws in the reader a bit more by not delivering the punchline immediately.
The other thing that is potentially confusing is that you mention God earlier on, but then heavenly father is discreet from that.
Final suggestion: consider a picture without text. The text is an entirely different form of prose, and distracts from your poem, rather than enhancing it.
Thanks for the read!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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I find your review refreshingly honest and your points well taken. They are very constructive and I think would improve the poem considerably. Your assumption was correct, I felt the wind from the round as it passed by my right eye and struck the building next to me. I was walking down the main street in Soc Trang, South Vietnam. But for God's grace and the Viet Cong's slightly imperfect aim, I wouldn't be here today. Thanks again for such a thought-provoking and penetrating review.
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Wow. That is quite a story. I am guessing you have others from Vietnam. Glad to hear the review was helpful to you.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very beautiful and well written six star poem about being your Father's child. You used very nice and true words. I am thankful I am my Father's daughter as He takes care of me too. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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This is a very beautiful and well written six star poem about being your Father's child. You used very nice and true words. I am thankful I am my Father's daughter as He takes care of me too. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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We are blessed to have such a caring Father watching over us. Thank you for your exceptionally generous review and best wishes. God bless.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
am my Father's Child
My Heavenly Father
Excellent entry for the My Father contest. I like the presentation and imagery. With a religious feeling. Well done!
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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am my Father's Child
My Heavenly Father
Excellent entry for the My Father contest. I like the presentation and imagery. With a religious feeling. Well done!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thank you very much for your generous review and kind words.
Comment from RGstar
I was drawn to the title here, if not for the mere fact I thought of the relationship in my life with own father. It was good that your surrogate is from the highest plan, which brought you solace.
Calmly written, you told it simply...always the best way.
Good luck in the competition.
Best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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I was drawn to the title here, if not for the mere fact I thought of the relationship in my life with own father. It was good that your surrogate is from the highest plan, which brought you solace.
Calmly written, you told it simply...always the best way.
Good luck in the competition.
Best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thanks for your insightful review. I whoeheartedly agree with you -- simple is best and speaks the loudest. I also appreciate your kind wishes.
