Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 64 "Football Chapter 34 part 3"A mother faces life's struggles.
28 total reviews
Comment from estory
There's a great level of tension here, a high degree of polish to the construction and details of the dialogue. As always, that dialogue is superb. Fraught with emotion; we really see how Gabe feels a need to protect Katherine, and his feelings spill out in that moment in the coach's office. We also see how dependent Katherine has become on Gabe. And there's plenty of suspense built into this; the situation with Ivory is unresolved and you have set this up for some great chapters to come. Its all very visual and I could see this on TV for sure. estory
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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There's a great level of tension here, a high degree of polish to the construction and details of the dialogue. As always, that dialogue is superb. Fraught with emotion; we really see how Gabe feels a need to protect Katherine, and his feelings spill out in that moment in the coach's office. We also see how dependent Katherine has become on Gabe. And there's plenty of suspense built into this; the situation with Ivory is unresolved and you have set this up for some great chapters to come. Its all very visual and I could see this on TV for sure. estory
Comment Written 08-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Sanku
Katherine crying in .the kitchen was a realistic scene.Gabriel has to have a check on his anger.otherwise it may be hazardous in his relationship .Kate could be walking on razors edge...
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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Katherine crying in .the kitchen was a realistic scene.Gabriel has to have a check on his anger.otherwise it may be hazardous in his relationship .Kate could be walking on razors edge...
Comment Written 08-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from tfawcus
It seems that Katherine has a great network of friends prepared to go the extra mile to look after her. The smooth Mr Melton Ivory is going to have his work cut out to get past the defensive cordon! I like the way you have rounded out Gabriel's character with his reactions to the sequence of events.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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It seems that Katherine has a great network of friends prepared to go the extra mile to look after her. The smooth Mr Melton Ivory is going to have his work cut out to get past the defensive cordon! I like the way you have rounded out Gabriel's character with his reactions to the sequence of events.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, after the ending of the last chapter. I was wondering, "What famous temper? This is guy has always been a puppy. We haven't seen that."
Now this rapid escalation. It appears forced, as if you had to show it, when there were much more reason to see it in previous scenes.
Why didn't Gabriel use an office phone or one of the other guys' phone? Why doesn't Jordan (a teenage boy) have a phone?
- Dead battery again?
- Milton, needs more reasonable context
I am not trying to be negative, but there are issues (story wise), that you need to be aware of while you're still in your first draft.
Your structural writing is flawless, but the story has holes.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2021
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Hmm, after the ending of the last chapter. I was wondering, "What famous temper? This is guy has always been a puppy. We haven't seen that."
Now this rapid escalation. It appears forced, as if you had to show it, when there were much more reason to see it in previous scenes.
Why didn't Gabriel use an office phone or one of the other guys' phone? Why doesn't Jordan (a teenage boy) have a phone?
- Dead battery again?
- Milton, needs more reasonable context
I am not trying to be negative, but there are issues (story wise), that you need to be aware of while you're still in your first draft.
Your structural writing is flawless, but the story has holes.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2021
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Many schools forbid students from having cell phones inside the school. Thank you for the concern.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
At least Gabes temper was over quickly, but I can understand why he would lose it. But, he soon saw how caring his friends were to try and not worry both him and Katherine by sorting it themselves. What is that man up to? I can't help but think there is going to be on hell of an explosion soon. This was a really exciting chapter, Barb, and it wasn't too long at all! Well done, I'm already waiting for the next part. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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At least Gabes temper was over quickly, but I can understand why he would lose it. But, he soon saw how caring his friends were to try and not worry both him and Katherine by sorting it themselves. What is that man up to? I can't help but think there is going to be on hell of an explosion soon. This was a really exciting chapter, Barb, and it wasn't too long at all! Well done, I'm already waiting for the next part. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thank you. Yes, I have talked about Gabriel's temper, it was time to show it. LOL
Comment from Anne Johnston
We are learning more and more about your characters as you move this story along. In this chapter, you reveal how much Katherine and Gabe care about each other. Suspense is building as to what will happen next.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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We are learning more and more about your characters as you move this story along. In this chapter, you reveal how much Katherine and Gabe care about each other. Suspense is building as to what will happen next.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You are welcome
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, teacher, I hope the wrist is still on the improve and will soon be good as new, or as close as it can be. You've still managed to keep cranking out your story, which has been a surprise. Thanks for sharing another great chapter.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Well, teacher, I hope the wrist is still on the improve and will soon be good as new, or as close as it can be. You've still managed to keep cranking out your story, which has been a surprise. Thanks for sharing another great chapter.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the kind review and encouragement.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-This is a very good chapter, barbara.
-You do a good job showing the
emotions of the characters and
their rationale for doing what they did.
-I think it was the best way to handle
it because things probably would
have gotten out of hand, and there
was too much at stake, especially
where Katherine is concerned.
-Everything worked out, and I
liked the text that Katherine sent to Gabe.
-Well done.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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-This is a very good chapter, barbara.
-You do a good job showing the
emotions of the characters and
their rationale for doing what they did.
-I think it was the best way to handle
it because things probably would
have gotten out of hand, and there
was too much at stake, especially
where Katherine is concerned.
-Everything worked out, and I
liked the text that Katherine sent to Gabe.
-Well done.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Jay Squires
This showed still another side of Gabriel, when his anger was most out of control. I was rather surprised at how much he shared with Jordan about his fear for Katherine's safety; he seemed more interested in venting his ire without regard for protecting Jordan's feelings. But as it turned out, Jordan wasn't too concerned since he was quick to sympathize with Gabriel with, "I understand. You're worried about Mom."
All in all, a good chapter. I'm sure we'll be hearing more about Mr. Ivory.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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This showed still another side of Gabriel, when his anger was most out of control. I was rather surprised at how much he shared with Jordan about his fear for Katherine's safety; he seemed more interested in venting his ire without regard for protecting Jordan's feelings. But as it turned out, Jordan wasn't too concerned since he was quick to sympathize with Gabriel with, "I understand. You're worried about Mom."
All in all, a good chapter. I'm sure we'll be hearing more about Mr. Ivory.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Wendy G
You continue to maintain the reader's interest in your well-written story. Getting together is not going to be smooth-sailing, and Gabriel will need to watch that he doesn't do anything to disrupt their progress, by letting his anger flow re Ivory. Hoping your wrist will start to heal more quickly, and be less painful day by day.
Wendy
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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You continue to maintain the reader's interest in your well-written story. Getting together is not going to be smooth-sailing, and Gabriel will need to watch that he doesn't do anything to disrupt their progress, by letting his anger flow re Ivory. Hoping your wrist will start to heal more quickly, and be less painful day by day.
Wendy
Comment Written 05-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
