White Christmas
When reality becomes real.5 total reviews
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
You were blessed if you received clothes and underwear for presents; at least you had something to wear the entire year. You must have had some other idea what you really wanted.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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You were blessed if you received clothes and underwear for presents; at least you had something to wear the entire year. You must have had some other idea what you really wanted.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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Yes, I realize that now. At the time, however...
Comment from Terry Broxson
I love the story, I love the twist, it is funny! An excellent entry into the contest, good luck. I also like the picture you chose. No doubt the dog and cat are thinking..."Yep, that underwear is too tight!" Good job.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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I love the story, I love the twist, it is funny! An excellent entry into the contest, good luck. I also like the picture you chose. No doubt the dog and cat are thinking..."Yep, that underwear is too tight!" Good job.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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That's funny! Thanks for the laugh and for the review.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Ouch! I remember being pissed at getting two pairs of socks from my mother-in-law--not because of $ but because ... ? Hope your Christmases have been better since.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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Ouch! I remember being pissed at getting two pairs of socks from my mother-in-law--not because of $ but because ... ? Hope your Christmases have been better since.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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Some yes, some no - lol
Comment from SimianSavant
Having a birthday next to Christmas sucks. No two ways about it. Also I don't mean to be a jerk but your entry is almost as anticlimactic as your presents were! You can do so much better!
-break up your lines. Use full paragraph breaks. I used like 10 paragraphs in my entry. It makes it feel like a lot more is happening.
-be more specific. What kind of clothes? Is there a joke somewhere about tight clothing? Did you at least get an ugly sweater? I was a looking for a punchline but did not see one.
-your last sentence is dull. Move it up earlier to create anticipation. The second to last sentence is the one you want to end on.
Message me if you revise this and I will be happy to re-review. Good luck! Thanks for the read.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2021
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Having a birthday next to Christmas sucks. No two ways about it. Also I don't mean to be a jerk but your entry is almost as anticlimactic as your presents were! You can do so much better!
-break up your lines. Use full paragraph breaks. I used like 10 paragraphs in my entry. It makes it feel like a lot more is happening.
-be more specific. What kind of clothes? Is there a joke somewhere about tight clothing? Did you at least get an ugly sweater? I was a looking for a punchline but did not see one.
-your last sentence is dull. Move it up earlier to create anticipation. The second to last sentence is the one you want to end on.
Message me if you revise this and I will be happy to re-review. Good luck! Thanks for the read.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the suggestions. I will take a look. The assignment has a 75 word count limit.
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Well you can claim up to 20 words back just by eliminating redundancies.
*I was less than thrilled the Christmas of 1996.*
redundant with:
*The excitement faded out quickly when I realized that*
*was told on my birthday that money was tight*
redundant with:
I learned that year what they meant by "money is tight".
Comment from Wendy G
Yes, your disappointment was real and tangible, although your parents wee still trying to be thoughtful. Very sad that there couldn't be just one tiny treat. You conveyed your story clearly and well, so best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2021
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Yes, your disappointment was real and tangible, although your parents wee still trying to be thoughtful. Very sad that there couldn't be just one tiny treat. You conveyed your story clearly and well, so best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 04-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2021
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Thank you!
