Upon The Page
Kyrielle contest entry14 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
I have come across several of these Kyrielle's today as I trawl through the 'up next' section in search of member dollars and pumps with which to post the next chapter of my novel. This stands out poetically ahead of all the others I have read.
I am not usually a lover of archaic styles, as mostly the grammar goes wrong somewhere, but this is grammatically perfect in its use of 'dost thou'. Words such as 'assuage' together with 'quill and parchment' are right on the button and in character with the rest. Also worthy of mention is the cascading repeat and the cross rhyme 'dance/elegance' in the final stanza.
I am so sorry to have run out of six stars for this certainly deserves them.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2021
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I have come across several of these Kyrielle's today as I trawl through the 'up next' section in search of member dollars and pumps with which to post the next chapter of my novel. This stands out poetically ahead of all the others I have read.
I am not usually a lover of archaic styles, as mostly the grammar goes wrong somewhere, but this is grammatically perfect in its use of 'dost thou'. Words such as 'assuage' together with 'quill and parchment' are right on the button and in character with the rest. Also worthy of mention is the cascading repeat and the cross rhyme 'dance/elegance' in the final stanza.
I am so sorry to have run out of six stars for this certainly deserves them.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the fantastic review and big six offer, Pantygynt. I really appreciate the generous stars and great comments. You made my day. I'm glad you likey little offering
. Have yourself a great weekend and thank you again.
Comment from Lloyd T. Okoko
Congratulations for writing a truly eight syllables count per line compliant Kyrielle.
Nevertheless, l am a bit weary about your rhyme scheme; most especially as most of the lines in the stanzas do not rhyme as expected of the writing prompt.
Nevertheless, you wrote an excellent work. Bravo.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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Congratulations for writing a truly eight syllables count per line compliant Kyrielle.
Nevertheless, l am a bit weary about your rhyme scheme; most especially as most of the lines in the stanzas do not rhyme as expected of the writing prompt.
Nevertheless, you wrote an excellent work. Bravo.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the great review, Lloyd. The contest page said we could actually use any rhyme scheme so I just went with a simple a,b,c,b. I really appreciate the generous stars. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have yourself a great weekend.
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Remain Blessed.
Comment from oliver818
This is a finely written poem which delicately follows the structure of the kyrielle. It has a very nice feel to it and is easy to read. The theme is a well chosen one, and I like the way you puncture it with images of blood. Thanks for sharing this and have a great day
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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This is a finely written poem which delicately follows the structure of the kyrielle. It has a very nice feel to it and is easy to read. The theme is a well chosen one, and I like the way you puncture it with images of blood. Thanks for sharing this and have a great day
Comment Written 03-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the fantastic review, Oliver. I appreciate the generous stars. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have yourself a great day and weekend as well.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I love the sentiments here and your meter is spot on, great rhymes too, a good contest entry. I just struggles with the first line and I have a sugggestion for you below which might help? A joy to read.
"If might I bleed upon the page"
change to:
"If I might bleed upon the page"
Love Dolly x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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I love the sentiments here and your meter is spot on, great rhymes too, a good contest entry. I just struggles with the first line and I have a sugggestion for you below which might help? A joy to read.
"If might I bleed upon the page"
change to:
"If I might bleed upon the page"
Love Dolly x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the fantastic review, Dolly. I gave thought to having it the other way around but, to me, it just sounded slightly a bit more poetic going this route. I really appreciate the gracious stars. I'm glad you liked the piece even though that line was a little bumpy. I hope you have a great weekend.
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You are welcome and have a great weekend yourself x x x
