Haiku (I Woke to a World)
Haiku53 total reviews
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This is a perfect Haiku and I think you will do well in the contest! I love the beautiful artwork it is amazing in its awesome sense of how it feels to be 'neath a liquid sky!
Speaking of waking to the sun, I am an early riser and I am up before the dawn!
Have a wonderful week, and I admire your tenacity in getting the job well done!
Take good care of yourself, my friend!
Jesse
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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This is a perfect Haiku and I think you will do well in the contest! I love the beautiful artwork it is amazing in its awesome sense of how it feels to be 'neath a liquid sky!
Speaking of waking to the sun, I am an early riser and I am up before the dawn!
Have a wonderful week, and I admire your tenacity in getting the job well done!
Take good care of yourself, my friend!
Jesse
Comment Written 02-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Hello Jesse. Thank you for your lovely words and encouraging review. Hugs!!
Melissa
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Haiku (I Woke to a World)
by Sugarray77
I'm so happy I still have a six for your beautiful haiku...wonderful imagery and a perfect satori to top it off. Well done!
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Haiku (I Woke to a World)
by Sugarray77
I'm so happy I still have a six for your beautiful haiku...wonderful imagery and a perfect satori to top it off. Well done!
Comment Written 02-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Hello Gypsy. Receiving such a wonderful review from you... queen of the Haikus... really makes my day. I am thrilled that you liked it!!
Melissa
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'queen of haiku'? hah hah ... I like the sound of that, thank you, Melissa. Have a wonderful weekend.
hugs!
Comment from rspoet
Hello Melissa,
You've got some excellent imagery of the morning world
in your 5-7-5 traditional haiku.
The three lines are connected grammatically
which prevents the satori from having separation
and impact.
Suggestion:
early morning world
adrift in a sea of mist ~
liquid sun shimmers
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Hello Melissa,
You've got some excellent imagery of the morning world
in your 5-7-5 traditional haiku.
The three lines are connected grammatically
which prevents the satori from having separation
and impact.
Suggestion:
early morning world
adrift in a sea of mist ~
liquid sun shimmers
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Hi Robert. Thank you for your lovely words and helpful comments. I did change the satori.. I was unhappy with it too. So appreciate you!
Melissa
Comment from Pantygynt
A good comment but this has a distinctly metrical feel to it. The satori line is pure catalectic trochaic trimeter, and despite the marked pause the satori line is part of the grammatical sequence of the whole.
If it were mine i might have written 'afloat on sunshine' to break the rhythm somewhat.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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A good comment but this has a distinctly metrical feel to it. The satori line is pure catalectic trochaic trimeter, and despite the marked pause the satori line is part of the grammatical sequence of the whole.
If it were mine i might have written 'afloat on sunshine' to break the rhythm somewhat.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Thank you Jim for your lovely review and helpful comments. I guess this haiku is not up to the mark this time. I have had a plethora of reviewers tell me how they would write it. LOL. But, I welcome each idea and suggestion. I am glad you all feel comfortable enough with me to express your opinion. :)
Thanks
Melissa
Comment from Bill Schott
This haiku, I Woke to a World, presented with a 5-7-5 formatting, creates a dawn where we will be chilled and then bathed in the rising heat of a new day. Nice.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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This haiku, I Woke to a World, presented with a 5-7-5 formatting, creates a dawn where we will be chilled and then bathed in the rising heat of a new day. Nice.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Hey Bill! Thanks so much!
Melissa
Comment from lyenochka
That sounds like here where we call the rain "liquid sunshine" but it's not that pretty as it's always gray and we rarely see blue skies.
Loved your poetic description of the "sea of mist" ! Hope you do well in the contest!
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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That sounds like here where we call the rain "liquid sunshine" but it's not that pretty as it's always gray and we rarely see blue skies.
Loved your poetic description of the "sea of mist" ! Hope you do well in the contest!
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Hello Helen. Thank you for your lovely review!!
Melissa
Comment from judiverse
You selected a great picture to accompany your haiku. The sun in it does look liquid. Sea of mist is great imagery. Adrift works well with sea. The mist seems to bring a kind of enchantment. It's like being in a different world. Beautifully presented, and best of luck in the contest. judi
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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You selected a great picture to accompany your haiku. The sun in it does look liquid. Sea of mist is great imagery. Adrift works well with sea. The mist seems to bring a kind of enchantment. It's like being in a different world. Beautifully presented, and best of luck in the contest. judi
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Hello Judi. Thank you. Much appreciated, my friend!!
Melissa
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You're very welcome. judi
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Hello Judi. Thank you. Much appreciated, my friend!!
Melissa
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You're very welcome. judi
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I have to see you are an amazing poet who is good at metaphors. I'm impressed by and learning from you. I love the last line:
'neath the liquid sun.
Exceptionally done and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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I have to see you are an amazing poet who is good at metaphors. I'm impressed by and learning from you. I love the last line:
'neath the liquid sun.
Exceptionally done and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Hi Lisa. Thank you so much for your lovely words of encouragement. you melt my heart!! Hugs!!
Melissa
Comment from royowen
A nicely written haiku Melissa, the early mornings on potentially clear winter days can be misted over by a low lying windless moisture, and it has a wonderful affect on the lovely morning scene, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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A nicely written haiku Melissa, the early mornings on potentially clear winter days can be misted over by a low lying windless moisture, and it has a wonderful affect on the lovely morning scene, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Thank you very much, Roy. I love misty mornings.
Melissa
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Well done
Comment from Tina Crute
The alliteration in line one, with the floating sensation in line two combines to make a beautiful, dreamy feeling. This is lovely and calming.
Well done:)
Tina
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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The alliteration in line one, with the floating sensation in line two combines to make a beautiful, dreamy feeling. This is lovely and calming.
Well done:)
Tina
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Thank you Tina! I am glad you enjoyed this short haiku.
Melissa
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I did! It was my pleasure!
Have a good evening.
Tina
