Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 63 "Football Chapter 34 part 2"A mother faces life's struggles.
31 total reviews
Comment from Yardier
Most excellent, my friend. I could hardly give you less than six with such perfect prose. The student, after all, should tread lightly when reviewing the proctors work.
Your story caught my eye because we, too, are a high school football family. (grandkids) This was a good season for football but, it was tarnished much like your Melton tarnished your game. It was awkward for all.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Most excellent, my friend. I could hardly give you less than six with such perfect prose. The student, after all, should tread lightly when reviewing the proctors work.
Your story caught my eye because we, too, are a high school football family. (grandkids) This was a good season for football but, it was tarnished much like your Melton tarnished your game. It was awkward for all.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Thank you for the kind support. Hey, I'm learning with everybody else.
Comment from nomi338
Some people are just hard headed, slow learners. Apparently, this guy is not going to stop until he gets a beat down from Gabriel. Maybe he thinks that if he can get Gabriel arrested he will have a clear shot at Katherine. That might be difficult with a plethora of bumps and bruises that Gabriel will surely put on him. LOL.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Some people are just hard headed, slow learners. Apparently, this guy is not going to stop until he gets a beat down from Gabriel. Maybe he thinks that if he can get Gabriel arrested he will have a clear shot at Katherine. That might be difficult with a plethora of bumps and bruises that Gabriel will surely put on him. LOL.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Thank you for the kind review. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.
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I am a proponent of peace as much as is possible. However, some people refuse to get the message, that is until you put a bump or two upside their unruly heads.
Comment from lancellot
A mostly football chapter I think, in your romance novel that is not really about football. I'm guessing Katherine doesn't have a chill from the rain, and it's her other problem bothering her. You did well showcasing all the precautions and steps Kate is taking and the how a kiss on the cheek moves and grows in the world you've created.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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A mostly football chapter I think, in your romance novel that is not really about football. I'm guessing Katherine doesn't have a chill from the rain, and it's her other problem bothering her. You did well showcasing all the precautions and steps Kate is taking and the how a kiss on the cheek moves and grows in the world you've created.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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A simple kiss can move and grow in any gossiping situation. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Wendy G
Well written. You always maintain the interest throughout. Melton Ivory is running a fun line re harassment. I still think he has been set up by the in-laws. At least Katharine has a number of people looking out for her. Great chapter.
Wendy
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Well written. You always maintain the interest throughout. Melton Ivory is running a fun line re harassment. I still think he has been set up by the in-laws. At least Katharine has a number of people looking out for her. Great chapter.
Wendy
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
It's a pleasure to read your feel-good story every week, Mrs. Wilkey. And this week is no exception. Please don't take what I'm about to say as criticism, because it isn't. But as a Fanstory friend who cares and is willing to stick his neck out when it would be easier to keep my mouth shut, I must tell you what I think. In a close game with little time on the clock and only a three point lead. It wouldn't be a smart move for a team with the lead to use an on-sides kick. Reason being, if they have the lead, they don't need to risk giving up field position to get possession of the ball. They don't need the ball, since they have the lead. They just need to make the other team have as far to go and use as much time as possible to get within scoring range. They would only need to kick the ball and hope to down it inside the 10 to 20 yard line. They would never take the chance of giving up the ball at the 40 or 50 yard line, when they could back them up, needing an 80 or 90 yard drive for a touchdown, or 60 yards for a field goal attempt to tie. Just trying to be helpful. Thanks for sharing and I hope this helps your chapter be more believable.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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It's a pleasure to read your feel-good story every week, Mrs. Wilkey. And this week is no exception. Please don't take what I'm about to say as criticism, because it isn't. But as a Fanstory friend who cares and is willing to stick his neck out when it would be easier to keep my mouth shut, I must tell you what I think. In a close game with little time on the clock and only a three point lead. It wouldn't be a smart move for a team with the lead to use an on-sides kick. Reason being, if they have the lead, they don't need to risk giving up field position to get possession of the ball. They don't need the ball, since they have the lead. They just need to make the other team have as far to go and use as much time as possible to get within scoring range. They would only need to kick the ball and hope to down it inside the 10 to 20 yard line. They would never take the chance of giving up the ball at the 40 or 50 yard line, when they could back them up, needing an 80 or 90 yard drive for a touchdown, or 60 yards for a field goal attempt to tie. Just trying to be helpful. Thanks for sharing and I hope this helps your chapter be more believable.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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I discussed this with my two of my four sons all played football. One Texas football and they agreed. I will change it. I don't mind criticism. That's why I put it out on fanstory. I want to know what works and what doesn't. I appreciate it.
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It wasn't criticism, just a suggestion that I thought would make the story better and more believable. :-)
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I made a change. Somebody else mentioned it.
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I hope your wrist is getting better!
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Maybe 60% right.
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Hope it's better soon, but it sounds like you are on your way. Yeah!
Comment from Jay Squires
Gabriel had his team attempt an on-side kick. [I can't believe Gabe would even have considered that. Not while ahead 3-0. If the other team got it they would be almost in field goal range themselves. Ah, well, Gabe's noted for his bull-headed risk!
A good chapter, Barbara. I especially enjoyed the vividness of your description during the rain: not being able to read their numbers. Quite evocative.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Gabriel had his team attempt an on-side kick. [I can't believe Gabe would even have considered that. Not while ahead 3-0. If the other team got it they would be almost in field goal range themselves. Ah, well, Gabe's noted for his bull-headed risk!
A good chapter, Barbara. I especially enjoyed the vividness of your description during the rain: not being able to read their numbers. Quite evocative.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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I am changing the on-side kick. I had another complaint about it. LOL Thank you for being you.
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Yeah, that might be a good idea, Barbara. An avid football fan might be doubting Gabe's abilities of being a coach.
What would be daring, yet believable, would be to kick it deep, then with the other team on offence, to have the bears do an all-out blitz to sack the quarterback (thereby robbing them of all their drive to win), rather than being conservative and blocking the pass.
Some fans might consider that foolhardy, but strategically sound.
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It's changed. I made it simple and shorter. I need to lose some words anyway. This novel has about 102,000 words. Romance isn't suppose to have over 100,000.
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Yes! I read it. Perfect!
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Thank you.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Creepy guy--the glaring is disturbing--stalkers quickly progress from infatuation to rage when spurned--you captured that perfectly. Unsettling episode--looking forward to the next.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Creepy guy--the glaring is disturbing--stalkers quickly progress from infatuation to rage when spurned--you captured that perfectly. Unsettling episode--looking forward to the next.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from AJ McCall
First off, YAY! I'm glad your wrist is getting better so you can do your usual stuff again. Second, I'm not sure why this chapter didn't surprise me... Katherine FINALLY, FINALLY admitted she LOVES the jock (Gabriel, lol) This story is much too sweet but has its troubles as always. I can't wait to see what happens next!
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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First off, YAY! I'm glad your wrist is getting better so you can do your usual stuff again. Second, I'm not sure why this chapter didn't surprise me... Katherine FINALLY, FINALLY admitted she LOVES the jock (Gabriel, lol) This story is much too sweet but has its troubles as always. I can't wait to see what happens next!
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome!
Comment from amahra
Good chapter, Barbara. That was clever the way they pulled that off. Melton is an idiot just asking to be harshly dealt with. I Hope Gab doesn't find out about him stalking Katherine and taking the law into his hands.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Good chapter, Barbara. That was clever the way they pulled that off. Melton is an idiot just asking to be harshly dealt with. I Hope Gab doesn't find out about him stalking Katherine and taking the law into his hands.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is an excellent chapter, Barbara, with plenty of emotion and tension, both on the field and off. You've left us with a real cliff-hanger this time! Great writing.
One question: Once seated in Jaguar stadium, Katherine texted Gabriel. "Don't forget to text Bill."
"I just did. Gabriel just received his." - Is this Gabriel responding to Katherine's text in the previous line? If so, what does he mean when referring to himself? Should that have come after Katherine texted to say she loved him?
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
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This is an excellent chapter, Barbara, with plenty of emotion and tension, both on the field and off. You've left us with a real cliff-hanger this time! Great writing.
One question: Once seated in Jaguar stadium, Katherine texted Gabriel. "Don't forget to text Bill."
"I just did. Gabriel just received his." - Is this Gabriel responding to Katherine's text in the previous line? If so, what does he mean when referring to himself? Should that have come after Katherine texted to say she loved him?
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
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No, Angie is answering. Katherine and Angie are talking in the stands about texting the guys. Thank you for the kind review.
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Okay. That isn't clear. maybe the quote needs to be separate from the statement and reference Angie?
