The Chronicals Of Bethica: The Rise
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "The Chronicles of Bethica"Abram must defeat a deadly humanoid race of beings
12 total reviews
Comment from Cogitator
I'm not one to read much fantasy or fiction, but the narrative is well-written. It is impossible to not make reference to the manner in which the Western Europeans invaded the Americas...John
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2021
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I'm not one to read much fantasy or fiction, but the narrative is well-written. It is impossible to not make reference to the manner in which the Western Europeans invaded the Americas...John
Comment Written 17-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2021
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Thank you, John, for your review.
Comment from victoria hubbell
This is the first I have read of your work, and I am always in awe of you writers who can totally fabricate a world of your own. Clearly, you are capable of doing this well, and your world has all its well defined definitions, including tribal history. As I had not read the previous chapters, I'm assuming that you already described the setting where the tomato demonstration (great! and I know one sword of a pharaoh was found to be stronger than others and they determined the metal was from a meteorite. I bet you already knew that!) took place. As well, did you previously introduce the scene where they are looking at the map and the soldier says these invaders are different? Because if not, please give me a sentence or two as a way of shifting from your narrative of the backstory into that scene. Example, "In his tent at the back of the camp, . . . " Or, "Deep in the forest in the thicket where the leaders always met to discuss possible truces . . . "
I noticed you once wrote "theirs' ". Boy, those possessive rules are such a pain as we have exceptions. The word "their" already is a possessive word and it is also plural. But sometimes, the word is in the position of the sentence to warrant an 's', "Theirs was the fate of the kingdom." Or, "I do not think it was theirs." Good luck. Sometimes I just rewrite the sentence if I am unsure! However, it is not ever "theirs' " with the apostrophe after the s.
I regret never reading the previous chapters, but as I just joined, that's life. I look forward to reading more. Best to you, and Onward!
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2021
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This is the first I have read of your work, and I am always in awe of you writers who can totally fabricate a world of your own. Clearly, you are capable of doing this well, and your world has all its well defined definitions, including tribal history. As I had not read the previous chapters, I'm assuming that you already described the setting where the tomato demonstration (great! and I know one sword of a pharaoh was found to be stronger than others and they determined the metal was from a meteorite. I bet you already knew that!) took place. As well, did you previously introduce the scene where they are looking at the map and the soldier says these invaders are different? Because if not, please give me a sentence or two as a way of shifting from your narrative of the backstory into that scene. Example, "In his tent at the back of the camp, . . . " Or, "Deep in the forest in the thicket where the leaders always met to discuss possible truces . . . "
I noticed you once wrote "theirs' ". Boy, those possessive rules are such a pain as we have exceptions. The word "their" already is a possessive word and it is also plural. But sometimes, the word is in the position of the sentence to warrant an 's', "Theirs was the fate of the kingdom." Or, "I do not think it was theirs." Good luck. Sometimes I just rewrite the sentence if I am unsure! However, it is not ever "theirs' " with the apostrophe after the s.
I regret never reading the previous chapters, but as I just joined, that's life. I look forward to reading more. Best to you, and Onward!
Comment Written 16-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing my work.
Comment from tfawcus
I found the detailed description of the various tribes and their interrelationship useful to add context to the story. It's never easy to decide how much of this to put in the main narrative and how much to add in appendices. The information dump slows the narrative but, as I said, it does help to clarify things.
As with other chapters, this one has been thoroughly proofread and I found no errors. I was interested in your choice of feverously over feverishly. The two are more or less synonymous, but I have more often seen feverishly describing haste as opposed to being in a state of fever. However, this might be different in your part of the world.
This is an intricate plot with interesting interconnections.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2021
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I found the detailed description of the various tribes and their interrelationship useful to add context to the story. It's never easy to decide how much of this to put in the main narrative and how much to add in appendices. The information dump slows the narrative but, as I said, it does help to clarify things.
As with other chapters, this one has been thoroughly proofread and I found no errors. I was interested in your choice of feverously over feverishly. The two are more or less synonymous, but I have more often seen feverishly describing haste as opposed to being in a state of fever. However, this might be different in your part of the world.
This is an intricate plot with interesting interconnections.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2021
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Thank you very much for your support of my story. It is very much appreciated.
Comment from RShipp
"were skeptical of instant gain." A wise trait to possess!
'Gangus assured them with several demonstrations that his tips would not break and could pierce the heart behind any breastplate used throughout Bethica except those made by his tribe.' (What a thin and treacherous line to walk.)
Movign 'west' to the greener grasses... only makes good sense. There is trouble in the future. I'm looking forward to reading about it.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2021
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"were skeptical of instant gain." A wise trait to possess!
'Gangus assured them with several demonstrations that his tips would not break and could pierce the heart behind any breastplate used throughout Bethica except those made by his tribe.' (What a thin and treacherous line to walk.)
Movign 'west' to the greener grasses... only makes good sense. There is trouble in the future. I'm looking forward to reading about it.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2021
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Thank you so much for stopping by and reviewing. I really appreciate it.
Comment from justafan
I don't see a chapter 22.
A lot has happened since the second vision but no war with the Nordoxz as yet. I now have to wait for your next chapter..grr. lol
I love this, in case you haven't figured that out yet :)
Always
Justafan of yours
Missy
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2021
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I don't see a chapter 22.
A lot has happened since the second vision but no war with the Nordoxz as yet. I now have to wait for your next chapter..grr. lol
I love this, in case you haven't figured that out yet :)
Always
Justafan of yours
Missy
Comment Written 15-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2021
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I made a mistake and hit the "end preview" button and had to disable chapter 22. So, chapter 23 is really chapter 22. LOL! So, you didn't miss a thing. Thank you so much for going back and catching up to my story. I am so flattered that you have taken such an interest in my work. God bless you, Missy.
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It was indeed my pleasure.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Amahra, You are doing a great job, with this story. It's a major work you're creating, and So many colourful characters.You also covered a lot of ground with this chapter. I will admit that at times I had difficulty keeping track of all the tribes, but I'm getting there. All best, Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2021
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Hi Amahra, You are doing a great job, with this story. It's a major work you're creating, and So many colourful characters.You also covered a lot of ground with this chapter. I will admit that at times I had difficulty keeping track of all the tribes, but I'm getting there. All best, Ulla:)))
Comment Written 15-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2021
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Thank you for your support, Ulla.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is another good chapter, amahra. I'm glad they Volarians found peace for many years, prospering. Well written. I did get a little confused keeping track of the different tribes and how each differs from the other, but I appreciate the explanations.
One little spag: "I simply had(have) to wait, he thought,..."
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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This is another good chapter, amahra. I'm glad they Volarians found peace for many years, prospering. Well written. I did get a little confused keeping track of the different tribes and how each differs from the other, but I appreciate the explanations.
One little spag: "I simply had(have) to wait, he thought,..."
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Judy, for the review and for catching that mistake. I changed his thought to present tense and forgot to change the verb.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Jay Squires
I'm going to have to check, but for some reason, it feels like I missed a chapter. I wouldn't be surprised since it's been hectic over the last month. I'm increasingly impressed by your "voice" in this piece. As I mention later, in my comments, there is such a strong Old Testament feel to it. Here we go: just a few glitches and a suggestion or two.
and fed scraps of food and water, [To avoid "scraps" of water, consider something like, "...and fed scraps of food and only water to drink."]
The Aenwyn leader's eyes widened when the breastplate swallowed the arrowhead, [Wow ... great!]
Though over the years, there were many small skirmishes against small tribes [A minor consideration: the use of "small" twice in the same sentence, creates a bit of an echo. No biggy]
General Dinary and his wife Princess Netrekka had two sons [Your writing has such an Old Testament resonance to it. I wonder if you've studied the structure of Biblical text?]
the guard pleaded as he gently shooked the man by his shoulders. [... as he gently SHOOK the man ...]
Good chapter, Amahra
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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I'm going to have to check, but for some reason, it feels like I missed a chapter. I wouldn't be surprised since it's been hectic over the last month. I'm increasingly impressed by your "voice" in this piece. As I mention later, in my comments, there is such a strong Old Testament feel to it. Here we go: just a few glitches and a suggestion or two.
and fed scraps of food and water, [To avoid "scraps" of water, consider something like, "...and fed scraps of food and only water to drink."]
The Aenwyn leader's eyes widened when the breastplate swallowed the arrowhead, [Wow ... great!]
Though over the years, there were many small skirmishes against small tribes [A minor consideration: the use of "small" twice in the same sentence, creates a bit of an echo. No biggy]
General Dinary and his wife Princess Netrekka had two sons [Your writing has such an Old Testament resonance to it. I wonder if you've studied the structure of Biblical text?]
the guard pleaded as he gently shooked the man by his shoulders. [... as he gently SHOOK the man ...]
Good chapter, Amahra
Comment Written 13-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Jay. Always a pleasure reading your reviews and suggestions.
Comment from Ric Myworld
This chapter covered a long of ground and I'm guessing that you've used it as a setup for what's coming next. And it's worked. I'm anxiously waiting for what happens next. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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This chapter covered a long of ground and I'm guessing that you've used it as a setup for what's coming next. And it's worked. I'm anxiously waiting for what happens next. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Rick. Always a pleasure hearing from you.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for the backstory and the update on what is going on in the world of Gangus. I was happy to read about the addition to Dinary's family. You are doing a good job with this story.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the backstory and the update on what is going on in the world of Gangus. I was happy to read about the addition to Dinary's family. You are doing a good job with this story.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Barbara for sticking with the story.