Revenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Revenge - Chap 25"Evil stalks the dynamic crime team
18 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
This chapter is clearly written and full of suspense. It has good setting and character development.
I found two mistakes. I think the who-oo-'s should be Who-oo-se and three paragraphs below that you forgot the word hand after Cheryl's.
Congrats on winning the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Happy holidays
Joan
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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This chapter is clearly written and full of suspense. It has good setting and character development.
I found two mistakes. I think the who-oo-'s should be Who-oo-se and three paragraphs below that you forgot the word hand after Cheryl's.
Congrats on winning the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Happy holidays
Joan
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Joan. I thought those mistakes had been fixed, but I guess not. Thanks for bringing them to my attention. I appreciate the review and your kindness.
Hugs, Carol
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You're welcome, Carol.
Joan
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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 A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review. |
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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I am blessed to have won this award for REvenge... Thank you to everyone who read, enjoyed, and voted. I appreciate it beyond words.
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
I really did not think Tiff would be getting out of there alive. Nice job! I'm proud that Marian is such a brave soul! *smile*
Notes:
1.) Brushing (those) aside, Marian opened the door
2.) Tiffany shuddered(.) "They were going to kill me, weren't they?(")
3.) Marian locked the door and then took Cheryl's (hands) and walked
4.) but clamped it closed when Marian's eyes stared at her.
--> when Marian stared...
Nice job - and I'm moving on-
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Carol,
I really did not think Tiff would be getting out of there alive. Nice job! I'm proud that Marian is such a brave soul! *smile*
Notes:
1.) Brushing (those) aside, Marian opened the door
2.) Tiffany shuddered(.) "They were going to kill me, weren't they?(")
3.) Marian locked the door and then took Cheryl's (hands) and walked
4.) but clamped it closed when Marian's eyes stared at her.
--> when Marian stared...
Nice job - and I'm moving on-
Comment Written 30-Nov-2021
Comment from Ulla
Hi Carol. I can certainly understand why Marian is frightened. I only hope her friend will get the message. I also hope Cheryl will keep up regardless of her fear. Marian will certainly have to be strong for all three of them. Ulla xx
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
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Hi Carol. I can certainly understand why Marian is frightened. I only hope her friend will get the message. I also hope Cheryl will keep up regardless of her fear. Marian will certainly have to be strong for all three of them. Ulla xx
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
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The cavalry is hoping to close in soon. Thanks for reading and enjoying it. Smiles, Carol
Comment from dmt1967
This is getting near the end, I hope, as I want to find out before I sign off here for Christmas which will be in a couple of weeks. After the 13th things get too hectic lol. Great chapter and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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This is getting near the end, I hope, as I want to find out before I sign off here for Christmas which will be in a couple of weeks. After the 13th things get too hectic lol. Great chapter and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thanks so much for enjoying and I hope you will feel better after the holidays. usually they are my favorite time and now I just want them over with.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Carol Clark2
This is such an exciting chapter. I love that there's a secret room and staircase. Now we know the connection between Marian and the team, through Samantha. Your dialogue moves the story forward nicely. Blessings.
Carol
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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This is such an exciting chapter. I love that there's a secret room and staircase. Now we know the connection between Marian and the team, through Samantha. Your dialogue moves the story forward nicely. Blessings.
Carol
Comment Written 23-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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i loved the idea of the secret room as well...drawing a bit of the past into the present. Thank you for being so kind and for enjoying the story.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from royowen
You've woven Marian into your story so well Carol, she's helped Tiffany, by hiding her in the long unused dusty hiding place, but she convinces Cheryl, her maid to watch and accompany Tiffany, who is terrified, but she can't get hold of Samantha, well done, great job Carol, you're a very good writer, blessings Roy
Typo : Tiffany (shuttered) stuttered?
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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You've woven Marian into your story so well Carol, she's helped Tiffany, by hiding her in the long unused dusty hiding place, but she convinces Cheryl, her maid to watch and accompany Tiffany, who is terrified, but she can't get hold of Samantha, well done, great job Carol, you're a very good writer, blessings Roy
Typo : Tiffany (shuttered) stuttered?
Comment Written 22-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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Fixed and thank you!
I am pleased and greatly appreciated that you are still enjoying the story. It's about to get "messy" with our friends.
Thanks for your kindness.
Hugs, Carol
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Well done
Comment from Judy Lawless
Carol, I often wish your chapters were longer. Like this one, they end too soon, right when we're deeply engaged. lol
This is a very well-written and intense chapter.
One small thing: "Grab (food,) water, and whatever food you can find fast."
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Carol, I often wish your chapters were longer. Like this one, they end too soon, right when we're deeply engaged. lol
This is a very well-written and intense chapter.
One small thing: "Grab (food,) water, and whatever food you can find fast."
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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fixed and appreciated!
Thank you for adding a bit of sunshine to my morning. I would love to make them longer but others complain. When I get on a roll I hate to stop. LOL
Have a great day!
Carol
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Marian is so brave! She's definitely in her sound mind. Tiffany is scared witless -- understandably, as she was just tricked into murdering someone. And Cheryl isn't too far behind her. Where is Samantha? I don't remember where we last saw her.
My short list of suggestions:
Her family descended from years of puritan beliefs frowned on what she enjoyed.
-->
Her family, descended from years of Puritan beliefs, frowned on what she enjoyed.
... he and his union soldiers regrouped here.
-->
... he and his Union soldiers regrouped here.
... Cheryl, my confidant and maid, and my life-long friend, Samantha.
-->
... Cheryl, my confidante and maid, and my lifelong friend, Samantha.
... she moved to the panel that opened into her make-up room.
-->
... she moved to the panel that opened into her makeup room.
... and walked her into the make-up room.
-->
... and walked her into the makeup room.
***
I love the picture of the abandoned old staircase -- a secret passageway! What a great plot twist, to fire up the imagination. I hope Tiffany can handle being alone in there, and doesn't foul things up by blundering out.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Marian is so brave! She's definitely in her sound mind. Tiffany is scared witless -- understandably, as she was just tricked into murdering someone. And Cheryl isn't too far behind her. Where is Samantha? I don't remember where we last saw her.
My short list of suggestions:
Her family descended from years of puritan beliefs frowned on what she enjoyed.
-->
Her family, descended from years of Puritan beliefs, frowned on what she enjoyed.
... he and his union soldiers regrouped here.
-->
... he and his Union soldiers regrouped here.
... Cheryl, my confidant and maid, and my life-long friend, Samantha.
-->
... Cheryl, my confidante and maid, and my lifelong friend, Samantha.
... she moved to the panel that opened into her make-up room.
-->
... she moved to the panel that opened into her makeup room.
... and walked her into the make-up room.
-->
... and walked her into the makeup room.
***
I love the picture of the abandoned old staircase -- a secret passageway! What a great plot twist, to fire up the imagination. I hope Tiffany can handle being alone in there, and doesn't foul things up by blundering out.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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I loved that idea as well, Mary Kay. Wondering how many stories hide behind those walls.
Thanks as always for the suggestions and review. You are always on top of it. Hugs, Carol
Comment from lyenochka
I hope Marian didn't get any blood on Cheryl when she hugged her. I hope she gets washed up fast before James or Charles see her. Hope Samantha gets her message soon!!
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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I hope Marian didn't get any blood on Cheryl when she hugged her. I hope she gets washed up fast before James or Charles see her. Hope Samantha gets her message soon!!
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Things are beginning to boil over and then the soup turns into a stew. Maybe if they combine forces, they can learn more about the diabolical Vito/James. Look out though...
