Life is All About Change
My younger brother leaves Tioga to join the military36 total reviews
Comment from Sanku
It is a well written story that takes the reader back to the school days. Algebra was tough and I have often wonderedvwhat is the purpose of studyinall that
I felt as if the continuation is coming?
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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It is a well written story that takes the reader back to the school days. Algebra was tough and I have often wonderedvwhat is the purpose of studyinall that
I felt as if the continuation is coming?
Comment Written 07-May-2022
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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There has been a continuation already written! Thanks so much for reading and commenting. ann
Comment from Whitewave
Annmuma,
I enjoyed your story and can identify with the overall scenario. (I have a 14 year old grandson, going on 21, who just failed algebra.) There is humor mixed with real life drama and tension, through appropriate use of short sentences, questions and descriptions.
I love Daddy's announcement,
"Johnny, you belong in school. You know that, don't you?" So typical. Also, "his chin-between-the-forefinger-and-thumb pose" is a perfect picture.
Clever use of alliteration when "Daddy shattered the silence in one short sentence:"
And life goes on - a simple but profound ending to sum it all up.
A fun story of real life. Thank you.
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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Annmuma,
I enjoyed your story and can identify with the overall scenario. (I have a 14 year old grandson, going on 21, who just failed algebra.) There is humor mixed with real life drama and tension, through appropriate use of short sentences, questions and descriptions.
I love Daddy's announcement,
"Johnny, you belong in school. You know that, don't you?" So typical. Also, "his chin-between-the-forefinger-and-thumb pose" is a perfect picture.
Clever use of alliteration when "Daddy shattered the silence in one short sentence:"
And life goes on - a simple but profound ending to sum it all up.
A fun story of real life. Thank you.
Comment Written 07-May-2022
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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Thanks so much for an in-depth review. I truly appreciate your time and your thoughts ann
Comment from Haylee Hemphill
Hello!
This is a well written story that captures your readers attention. My brother was going to join the USMC and I was devastated. I cried and cried and cried. Thankfully he had changed his mind and I have not lost him to our freedom! Thank you for sharing.
One Love
Haylee
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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Hello!
This is a well written story that captures your readers attention. My brother was going to join the USMC and I was devastated. I cried and cried and cried. Thankfully he had changed his mind and I have not lost him to our freedom! Thank you for sharing.
One Love
Haylee
Comment Written 07-May-2022
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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Thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate. ann
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
A sad lonely tale of a sister seemingly deserted by her only refuge in an otherwise 'uncomfortable' household? Goodbyes are always hard, but this one seems so final, being so far away. I found several Tiogas; PA, TX, NY, ND, but all of them would be 'far away' from California. The closest being Tioga TX.
It's too bad, sounds a little bias on Mr. Dossman's part, you know, treating Merilyn differently than John. I think john should have gotten the same understanding as Merilyn did, but then John wouldn't be happy. He would have lost a reason to go with Hannah.
I liked your use of the antiquated word 'sweltry'. Oh, it is indeed a word, but it doesn't even appear in the free online Merriam Webster dictionary, which has over 200,000 words. One has to subscribe to the 250,000+ word unabridged dictionary in order to find the meaning. It's clear though, it's just plain hot and sticky! It's refreshing to see someone revive those oft forgotten words.
It is too bad though, sounds like John may end up alone, in a different state, far away in just a few short months (TDY). I'm sure he won't be able to go to Japan with Hannah and Robert. And 15 or 16 is pretty young to be that far from home.
Nice telling of a brief moment of self-realization in a young girl's life.
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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A sad lonely tale of a sister seemingly deserted by her only refuge in an otherwise 'uncomfortable' household? Goodbyes are always hard, but this one seems so final, being so far away. I found several Tiogas; PA, TX, NY, ND, but all of them would be 'far away' from California. The closest being Tioga TX.
It's too bad, sounds a little bias on Mr. Dossman's part, you know, treating Merilyn differently than John. I think john should have gotten the same understanding as Merilyn did, but then John wouldn't be happy. He would have lost a reason to go with Hannah.
I liked your use of the antiquated word 'sweltry'. Oh, it is indeed a word, but it doesn't even appear in the free online Merriam Webster dictionary, which has over 200,000 words. One has to subscribe to the 250,000+ word unabridged dictionary in order to find the meaning. It's clear though, it's just plain hot and sticky! It's refreshing to see someone revive those oft forgotten words.
It is too bad though, sounds like John may end up alone, in a different state, far away in just a few short months (TDY). I'm sure he won't be able to go to Japan with Hannah and Robert. And 15 or 16 is pretty young to be that far from home.
Nice telling of a brief moment of self-realization in a young girl's life.
Comment Written 06-May-2022
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Thank you for your lengthy and detailed review. We lived in Tioga, Louisiana. John did join the army and, when he got out, eventually joined me in Dallas, Tx. We are still very close and I believe our separation served us well in many ways.
I thought Mr. Dossman ignored an opportunity to help a young boy who was struggling with the death of his mom when he was only 11 and then a couple stepmoms and just the general pressure of become a teenager. However, I understand his position and, in the hindsight, it may have been the best.
Again, thanks for your time and review. ann
Thanks again.
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I hope my review was not TOO lengthy. I just like to write, and I take my reviewing as seriously as I do my writing. Why give someone a review if you can't say something? Am I right?
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Your reviewing approach is correct and welcomed. ann
Comment from John Ciarmello
Hi, Ann, I always enjoy your stories about John. He's quite a character all by himself. It's wonderful to see the closeness you both have shared over the years. I think my favorite to date is his adventures as a Kirby salesman. Great story, my friend
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Hi, Ann, I always enjoy your stories about John. He's quite a character all by himself. It's wonderful to see the closeness you both have shared over the years. I think my favorite to date is his adventures as a Kirby salesman. Great story, my friend
Comment Written 05-May-2022
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Thanks so much! John is quite the character and remains so. I think he relishes in being such and certainly he is dear to me. I may write about his brief time as a street preacher! Thanks again. ann
Comment from Lilly Flowers
Ann,
I didn't get notified of this posting. I was just perusing the site and found it. Should I contact the owners and ask why?
Anyway, I enjoyed reading another chapter in your life. I never like to see young people quit school, but I can understand why John was so set on it. Best regards, Lilly
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Ann,
I didn't get notified of this posting. I was just perusing the site and found it. Should I contact the owners and ask why?
Anyway, I enjoyed reading another chapter in your life. I never like to see young people quit school, but I can understand why John was so set on it. Best regards, Lilly
Comment Written 05-May-2022
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Thanks so much, Lilly. Maybe this post was originally done prior to your becoming my fan. that would be my guess. I appreciate your time and your words. ann
Comment from K. Lang-Slattery
I like this story a lot, though the sequence of events is a bit jumbled. And the first line of your author note would be great placed at the beginning of the actual piece. That would explain a lot. The piece should stand alone without the help of the author note which I see as a place for things that are interesting but are not needed to understand the story.
The way this is written, we really don't know who the narrator is in relation to John and I think that relationship is very important t the story.
. This is a beautiful sentence! "The quiet had never been more silent than it was in that hole between the question and the answer." It says so much!
. Section between "He had quit going to school..." and "see how the next chapter in our lives would begin." is a back-flash, but you don't really make that clear. You could identify the change in time frame with something like "We had all expected John to drop out of school since the previous spring." Or move it to the correct place chronologically, which would be just before "John was only fifteen, had quit school . "(also a kind of back flash to almost the same time). I think you should take a close look at the sequence of telling this story and the placement of back-flashes.
. ". .waving at John as he left me trying to decide if I was happier for him than I was sad for me." Misplaced modifier clause? or at the least, confusing. Try to make two sentences "....John. As he left I tried to decide. . . "
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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I like this story a lot, though the sequence of events is a bit jumbled. And the first line of your author note would be great placed at the beginning of the actual piece. That would explain a lot. The piece should stand alone without the help of the author note which I see as a place for things that are interesting but are not needed to understand the story.
The way this is written, we really don't know who the narrator is in relation to John and I think that relationship is very important t the story.
. This is a beautiful sentence! "The quiet had never been more silent than it was in that hole between the question and the answer." It says so much!
. Section between "He had quit going to school..." and "see how the next chapter in our lives would begin." is a back-flash, but you don't really make that clear. You could identify the change in time frame with something like "We had all expected John to drop out of school since the previous spring." Or move it to the correct place chronologically, which would be just before "John was only fifteen, had quit school . "(also a kind of back flash to almost the same time). I think you should take a close look at the sequence of telling this story and the placement of back-flashes.
. ". .waving at John as he left me trying to decide if I was happier for him than I was sad for me." Misplaced modifier clause? or at the least, confusing. Try to make two sentences "....John. As he left I tried to decide. . . "
Comment Written 05-May-2022
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Thanks for your time and your words. I will certainly consider all of your suggestions. ann
Comment from Tpa
Excellent memoir. I like your term for emotions "teenage jail". All of us suffered at one time during that period of our lives. I thought the teacher was too hard on him, but in those days, I'm sure there was no recognition of learning disabilities and methods of improvement. John may have taken the right road to join the military. GOOD LUCK IN THE CONTEST.
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Excellent memoir. I like your term for emotions "teenage jail". All of us suffered at one time during that period of our lives. I thought the teacher was too hard on him, but in those days, I'm sure there was no recognition of learning disabilities and methods of improvement. John may have taken the right road to join the military. GOOD LUCK IN THE CONTEST.
Comment Written 05-May-2022
reply by the author on 06-May-2022
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Thanks so much for reading and commenting. I was disappointed that Mr. Dossman didn't see an opportunity to mentor a young boy who was struggling with our mom's death when he was only 11 and a couple of step-mothers and the general teenage angst. In hindsight, maybe it was the right path. John and I are still very close. Again, thanks for your review. ann
Comment from jessizero
I enjoyed reading another story from your life. I can see why it got Recognized and All Time Best. Thank you for sharing this story here. Best wishes once again.
reply by the author on 05-May-2022
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I enjoyed reading another story from your life. I can see why it got Recognized and All Time Best. Thank you for sharing this story here. Best wishes once again.
Comment Written 04-May-2022
reply by the author on 05-May-2022
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Thanks so much for your kind comments and your time in sharing them. This is a contest entry that closes pretty quickly and the competition is always stiff! ann
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. Yes, that had to have been a very hard discission for your Dad. Wow. I enjoyed reading and good luck with the contest.
"Don't worry, Olevia." He shouted. (comma after 'Olevia' and a lower case 'h' on 'he')
Daddy, let me go with Hannah." John pleaded. (comma after 'Hannah')
reply by the author on 05-May-2022
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. Yes, that had to have been a very hard discission for your Dad. Wow. I enjoyed reading and good luck with the contest.
"Don't worry, Olevia." He shouted. (comma after 'Olevia' and a lower case 'h' on 'he')
Daddy, let me go with Hannah." John pleaded. (comma after 'Hannah')
Comment Written 04-May-2022
reply by the author on 05-May-2022
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Thanks for the spag catches! I will immediately fix them. I'll need lots of luck in the contest -- competition is very good!. ann
