Memories of This World
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Memories of fall"Memories of a life
14 total reviews
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Autumn brings lots to surface in your story. I love autumn as well as you do. The thoughts of the trees turning their colors, the marigolds are blossoming and apples are ripening.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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Autumn brings lots to surface in your story. I love autumn as well as you do. The thoughts of the trees turning their colors, the marigolds are blossoming and apples are ripening.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and I am glad you thought the little story so evocative of the fall. estory
Comment from Theodore McDowell
What a wonderfully descriptive piece. You write very well, and I am glad that I have stumbled upon your writing! I look forward to reading more. I loved the reference to finding the experience of compassion and forgiveness. So well done.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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What a wonderfully descriptive piece. You write very well, and I am glad that I have stumbled upon your writing! I look forward to reading more. I loved the reference to finding the experience of compassion and forgiveness. So well done.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Thanks again for the sixer and all your encouraging comments. estory
Comment from BethShelby
I loved this writing because I felt like I was on this trip with you. You have made this seem so real. In past years, this was a favorite thing my husband and I did together every fall and your story made me feel like I was experiencing it all again. I only saw the changing season from my own yard this year. It was beautiful, but not like a drive through the countryside.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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I loved this writing because I felt like I was on this trip with you. You have made this seem so real. In past years, this was a favorite thing my husband and I did together every fall and your story made me feel like I was experiencing it all again. I only saw the changing season from my own yard this year. It was beautiful, but not like a drive through the countryside.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and I am glad I was able to bring back those memories for you. Its a great compliment to get reviews like this. estory
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I enjoy reading this prose poem that is very tender. You used words like burnished golds, ambers, oranges and scarlets, the burgundies and purples to describe the beauty of the fall color. You expressed sadness for its disappearing and longing for its to stay just a little longer.
It's beautifully written.
Exceptionally done.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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I enjoy reading this prose poem that is very tender. You used words like burnished golds, ambers, oranges and scarlets, the burgundies and purples to describe the beauty of the fall color. You expressed sadness for its disappearing and longing for its to stay just a little longer.
It's beautifully written.
Exceptionally done.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Thanks again for the sixer and the continued support of my work my friend. estory
Comment from Sherry Asbury
You have brought to this reader who is a shut-in, all the glories of fall...
Autumn is my favorite season also. The candy you wrote of is all of my favorites - all this is a sensory overload of wonder. Thank you for a trip to wonderland. This is a great story!!
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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You have brought to this reader who is a shut-in, all the glories of fall...
Autumn is my favorite season also. The candy you wrote of is all of my favorites - all this is a sensory overload of wonder. Thank you for a trip to wonderland. This is a great story!!
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Thanks for the excellent review and I am so glad I was able to get you out there in the crisp air and colors through my simple writing. That is one of the best compliments of all. This is what writing is all about. estory
Comment from RGstar
Just immense imagery here my friend.
Every turn it is like being wherever the quill takes us.
I read this and almost felt every ray of sunshine, without its mention, every smell without being there, and every view with pleasure.
It was a pleasure to read. Concise and not overpowering with two many adjectives, which can sometimes falsify a work. You did very well.
Pleasure.
Have a great Sunday.
My best.
RGstar
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Just immense imagery here my friend.
Every turn it is like being wherever the quill takes us.
I read this and almost felt every ray of sunshine, without its mention, every smell without being there, and every view with pleasure.
It was a pleasure to read. Concise and not overpowering with two many adjectives, which can sometimes falsify a work. You did very well.
Pleasure.
Have a great Sunday.
My best.
RGstar
Comment Written 21-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Thanks again for the sixer and all your wonderful encouraging words of support. Coming from you, the master of colorful imagery, this is a real compliment. estory
Comment from Gert sherwood
A celebration of the fall season
Memories of fall
estory, your telling us the beauty autumn. is well written. What caught my attention ----
The trunk of our car fills with the treasures of fall, and for one last moment, we try to hold on to that old house on the slope, the trees, the light, the air and the last of those glittering leaves that we know we will not see again until next year.Thank you so much for sharing your unforgettable story.
Estory, may I ask was it Vermont you were describing so well
Gert
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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A celebration of the fall season
Memories of fall
estory, your telling us the beauty autumn. is well written. What caught my attention ----
The trunk of our car fills with the treasures of fall, and for one last moment, we try to hold on to that old house on the slope, the trees, the light, the air and the last of those glittering leaves that we know we will not see again until next year.Thank you so much for sharing your unforgettable story.
Estory, may I ask was it Vermont you were describing so well
Gert
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Thanks again for the exceptional review and all your encouraging comments. estory
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estory
You are welcome
Gert
Comment from SimianSavant
A really colorful entry that does a marvelous job of capturing the senses of autumn. There are some small errors, though not quite enough to dock it a star, in my opinion. Here are some of those observations:
First sentence should not have a semicolon, but a comma. "there comes[v] a day[n] of crisp air from the north". For a semicolon to be legal your second clause must have its own subject and predicate, but "harbinger" is really an adjective for "day [of crisp air]", so it is not the noun you need.
At the top of the climb the sky opens up and in the stillness a couple of thousand feet above the world and its problems, we sit and contemplate the magnificent landscape and its timeless steadfastness; **this should be a colon, as it demarcates a list, rather than a separate subject/predicate phrase** the rocky summits (1), the wrinkled valleys (2), the ridges of mountains dusted with the rainbow colors of fall (3), and we think of the maker (4) of that landscape.
think we have felt something [of an experience] of life. **the bracketed clause seems to be redundant with "have felt something".
just before a line of Maples that have lost half of their leaves **maples is a common noun, not a proper noun
[What] leaves are left in the trees seem ready to float to the ground. **this is how someone might say it, but it doesn't look quite right written out this way. Try: the few leaves left in the trees
Grotesque gourds grin => brilliant!
hoboes ** I think hobos looks better, but looks like either spelling is permissible. BTW, this is a long paragraph to read. Maybe break before roasted turkey?
Finally, you have pretty good variety but you might want to check for word recurrence and try out some synonyms. This will help keep reader interest especially after the first couple hundred words. "Crisp", 2x. Tart, 2x. "Air" appears four times. "Apple", 7 times.
Thank you for the lovely read.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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A really colorful entry that does a marvelous job of capturing the senses of autumn. There are some small errors, though not quite enough to dock it a star, in my opinion. Here are some of those observations:
First sentence should not have a semicolon, but a comma. "there comes[v] a day[n] of crisp air from the north". For a semicolon to be legal your second clause must have its own subject and predicate, but "harbinger" is really an adjective for "day [of crisp air]", so it is not the noun you need.
At the top of the climb the sky opens up and in the stillness a couple of thousand feet above the world and its problems, we sit and contemplate the magnificent landscape and its timeless steadfastness; **this should be a colon, as it demarcates a list, rather than a separate subject/predicate phrase** the rocky summits (1), the wrinkled valleys (2), the ridges of mountains dusted with the rainbow colors of fall (3), and we think of the maker (4) of that landscape.
think we have felt something [of an experience] of life. **the bracketed clause seems to be redundant with "have felt something".
just before a line of Maples that have lost half of their leaves **maples is a common noun, not a proper noun
[What] leaves are left in the trees seem ready to float to the ground. **this is how someone might say it, but it doesn't look quite right written out this way. Try: the few leaves left in the trees
Grotesque gourds grin => brilliant!
hoboes ** I think hobos looks better, but looks like either spelling is permissible. BTW, this is a long paragraph to read. Maybe break before roasted turkey?
Finally, you have pretty good variety but you might want to check for word recurrence and try out some synonyms. This will help keep reader interest especially after the first couple hundred words. "Crisp", 2x. Tart, 2x. "Air" appears four times. "Apple", 7 times.
Thank you for the lovely read.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Thanks for all the comments and suggestions. I think I will look at it in some point and try and cut down on the repetitions of images. estory
Comment from Tina Crute
"We listen to its peaceful music of grace"...aah, love that line. God's grace pours out like that! Your recount of your Fall day is like a field trip in the mind of this reader. I can see the colors and shapes and even smells of your journey and the Christmas to come. Great details and a wonderful way with words. They paint pictures for me. Well done:)
Tina
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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"We listen to its peaceful music of grace"...aah, love that line. God's grace pours out like that! Your recount of your Fall day is like a field trip in the mind of this reader. I can see the colors and shapes and even smells of your journey and the Christmas to come. Great details and a wonderful way with words. They paint pictures for me. Well done:)
Tina
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and your wonderful words of support for my little piece. Glad you enjoyed it so much. estory
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
Outstanding in every way! The imagery you created was amazing; every little detail describing a specific feel, taste, sight and sound of this one particular autumn day just blew me away. It sounded much like where I live.
This is the kind of writing I wish I could do; but this is not about me, it is about you (LOL).
Great job, dear friend!
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Outstanding in every way! The imagery you created was amazing; every little detail describing a specific feel, taste, sight and sound of this one particular autumn day just blew me away. It sounded much like where I live.
This is the kind of writing I wish I could do; but this is not about me, it is about you (LOL).
Great job, dear friend!
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Thanks again for the sixer and all your support for my piece. estory
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You are so welcome :)
Gale
