Black Widow
Chapter 1: Thelma May Danville Testifies19 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is the beginning of what sounds like another interesting mystery novel, Brett. It seems to have a bit of humour or exaggeration to it, given the crazy history of your main character. Good cliff-hanger ending. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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This is the beginning of what sounds like another interesting mystery novel, Brett. It seems to have a bit of humour or exaggeration to it, given the crazy history of your main character. Good cliff-hanger ending. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You ended on a good cliffhanger and have a very interesting story here about a not very sympathetic accused murderer. You do, however have a few points that are confusing. The first sentence in para 3 is confusing.
. . . North Hill (Georgia) . . . You say all children born after reconciliation, what happened to Mavis? You mention public lewdness charges during Thomas marriage but she didn't dance nude until Threadby marriage. Merlin's name comes up in testimony about Issac's death. Don't think any prosecutor could get up and present his case during PD's presentation. Good luck with this.
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reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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You ended on a good cliffhanger and have a very interesting story here about a not very sympathetic accused murderer. You do, however have a few points that are confusing. The first sentence in para 3 is confusing.
. . . North Hill (Georgia) . . . You say all children born after reconciliation, what happened to Mavis? You mention public lewdness charges during Thomas marriage but she didn't dance nude until Threadby marriage. Merlin's name comes up in testimony about Issac's death. Don't think any prosecutor could get up and present his case during PD's presentation. Good luck with this.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter. Appreciate the review.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading this contest entry. Is this the first chapter contest due in January? If it is, I've entered that one too. This will be hard to beat. I need to up my writing. LOL
"Thelma May, can you tell the court about your harsh upbringing in North Hill, Grorgia? Take your time." (Georgia?)
He knew the attornies were about to be read the riot act and that he must get to the factual bottom of this case. (attorneys??? & And you can omit the 'that')
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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I enjoyed reading this contest entry. Is this the first chapter contest due in January? If it is, I've entered that one too. This will be hard to beat. I need to up my writing. LOL
"Thelma May, can you tell the court about your harsh upbringing in North Hill, Grorgia? Take your time." (Georgia?)
He knew the attornies were about to be read the riot act and that he must get to the factual bottom of this case. (attorneys??? & And you can omit the 'that')
Comment Written 15-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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Same contest. Appreciate the nit catches and the review.
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Okay. I'm not posting mine until in January. I'm afraid people will forget.
Comment from Susan Newell
Brett,
I don't usually follow novels, but you've captured my interest with your character and her history.
In the paragraph beginning "There were no signs of him found.", you have a typo as follows:
were taken into for ==> in for
Sue
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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Brett,
I don't usually follow novels, but you've captured my interest with your character and her history.
In the paragraph beginning "There were no signs of him found.", you have a typo as follows:
were taken into for ==> in for
Sue
Comment Written 15-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter. Appreciate the review and nit catch.
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I have sworn an oath to pick nits when wordsmiths miss them in proofing. I know I want mine to be discovered so that I can fix them.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Mystery and Crime Fiction, A First Book Chapter contest entry, Chapter: 1, speaks about black widow; well said, well done, thanks 4 sharing this, happy reviewing this legible on white background, my dear write-post more, fast, time is precious-limited, I, DR, wrote 114 books on God, Humanity, Truth. ALCREATOR
You may please check the following poor expression:
1) Thelma May protested clarifying (Thelma May protest clarifying/ Thelma May have protested clarifying)
2) was not an accident, and that (was not an accident and that)
3) me that's not something a grieving widow (me that is not something a grieving widow)
4) a little better. For awhile," Thelma May stated. (a little better, for a while," Thelma May stated/ a little better. For a while," Thelma May stated.)
5) Two weeks after the search began, I wanted (Two weeks after the search began; I wanted)
6) As you previously mentioned in earlier testimony, you felt devastated when he left, financially destroyed, and an emotional basket case. (it is not a complete sentence)
ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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This Mystery and Crime Fiction, A First Book Chapter contest entry, Chapter: 1, speaks about black widow; well said, well done, thanks 4 sharing this, happy reviewing this legible on white background, my dear write-post more, fast, time is precious-limited, I, DR, wrote 114 books on God, Humanity, Truth. ALCREATOR
You may please check the following poor expression:
1) Thelma May protested clarifying (Thelma May protest clarifying/ Thelma May have protested clarifying)
2) was not an accident, and that (was not an accident and that)
3) me that's not something a grieving widow (me that is not something a grieving widow)
4) a little better. For awhile," Thelma May stated. (a little better, for a while," Thelma May stated/ a little better. For a while," Thelma May stated.)
5) Two weeks after the search began, I wanted (Two weeks after the search began; I wanted)
6) As you previously mentioned in earlier testimony, you felt devastated when he left, financially destroyed, and an emotional basket case. (it is not a complete sentence)
ALCREATOR
Comment Written 15-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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Okay.
Comment from prettybluebirds
This certainly sounds like the beginning of a great story. I'm not real keen on mystery stories, but I like the sound of this one. I see this is a contest entry too. It should do well and I wish you the best of luck.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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This certainly sounds like the beginning of a great story. I'm not real keen on mystery stories, but I like the sound of this one. I see this is a contest entry too. It should do well and I wish you the best of luck.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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Appreciate the review. Glad you enjoyed this chapter.
Comment from Mary Shifman
This is an interesting story and I enjoyed reading it. I was not so happy that the chapter ended where it did. but I'm glad there is more to come. I have to believe that Thelma May Danville is in deep trouble. Good job and I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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This is an interesting story and I enjoyed reading it. I was not so happy that the chapter ended where it did. but I'm glad there is more to come. I have to believe that Thelma May Danville is in deep trouble. Good job and I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Sadly I have no sixes however, Bravo this is right up my street! I will be avidly reading this book as it continues it is fabulous and so interesting. The work you have put into the characterization is astonishing. I am absolutely in love with this and cannot wait to read more of this type from you a super spellbinding virtual six! Love and best wishes and well done Meia x
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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Sadly I have no sixes however, Bravo this is right up my street! I will be avidly reading this book as it continues it is fabulous and so interesting. The work you have put into the characterization is astonishing. I am absolutely in love with this and cannot wait to read more of this type from you a super spellbinding virtual six! Love and best wishes and well done Meia x
Comment Written 15-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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Appreciate the virtual sixer. Also appreciate the review.
Comment from oliver818
This is a nicely written story with a fascinating character at the centre of it. I guess you'll be making it into something bigger? It's a great idea, a bit Joh Grisham style. Best of luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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This is a nicely written story with a fascinating character at the centre of it. I guess you'll be making it into something bigger? It's a great idea, a bit Joh Grisham style. Best of luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter. Much appreciate the review.
