Witness
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Ashes, Ashes"Modern struggle in another world.
5 total reviews
Comment from Shirley McLain
A fast-moving, well-written chapter without mistakes that I could find. Your characters are believable as well as the storyline. You did an excellent job. Have a great evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2021
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A fast-moving, well-written chapter without mistakes that I could find. Your characters are believable as well as the storyline. You did an excellent job. Have a great evening. Shirley
Comment Written 14-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I appreciate you giving it the time. Have an awesome day.
Comment from lancellot
Good chapter. You did well with the calm before the storm. I the detail of checking your weapon, taking water when one could and then sudden and chocking shift into all out destruction. An over powering assault and the harsh realities of loss and living to fight another day.
Good work.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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Good chapter. You did well with the calm before the storm. I the detail of checking your weapon, taking water when one could and then sudden and chocking shift into all out destruction. An over powering assault and the harsh realities of loss and living to fight another day.
Good work.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad it came across well and I hope you have a great day.
Comment from royowen
I like the way you've taken a common theme and a cause of a cast like system, with the considered lower race taking up the revolutionary cudgel, but they are suffering seemingly inevitable, and of course, we like to see the underdog do well, so it's a lovely evocative theme, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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I like the way you've taken a common theme and a cause of a cast like system, with the considered lower race taking up the revolutionary cudgel, but they are suffering seemingly inevitable, and of course, we like to see the underdog do well, so it's a lovely evocative theme, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 13-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad it came across well. I hope you have a great day.
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You too
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You too
Comment from prettybluebirds
Wow, this is a terrific story. I'm not much for war novels but this one is so well-written that it hooked me from start to finish. Your characters are well defined and the dialogue is smooth and easy to follow. It's a wonderful story. Will there be more to follow?
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
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Wow, this is a terrific story. I'm not much for war novels but this one is so well-written that it hooked me from start to finish. Your characters are well defined and the dialogue is smooth and easy to follow. It's a wonderful story. Will there be more to follow?
Comment Written 13-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad it came out well. There will be more to follow, since there's a lot more story to get through. I really appreciate you giving it the time of day.
Comment from Word Junkie
Hi K.,
This is another great chapter. The action is intense and the description is fantastic. That closing paragraph is perfect.
Suggestions:
businesslike, one word
the building we were in might not be sturdy, <-- look again ... the building we were in might collapse ... ?
I know that only our half of Seisa went from ... I think you meant to type ... I know only that ...
and half their reinforcements had been <-- another look
Well done, and write on!
Lana
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
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Hi K.,
This is another great chapter. The action is intense and the description is fantastic. That closing paragraph is perfect.
Suggestions:
businesslike, one word
the building we were in might not be sturdy, <-- look again ... the building we were in might collapse ... ?
I know that only our half of Seisa went from ... I think you meant to type ... I know only that ...
and half their reinforcements had been <-- another look
Well done, and write on!
Lana
Comment Written 13-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate the help. I'll look over what you spotted and fix it. Thank you again for taking the time to look it over.
