Where is My Desire?
On aging -54 total reviews
Comment from E. Denison
Oh, I love-love-love this, Senyai! Where to start. . . 1) I love that each couplet serves as its own point and counterpoint. The comparison of "young" to "old(er)" is such a useful device, and to compare it across each pairing (rather than in two separate stanzas - 1 youth, 1 aged) is just such an excellent structural decision. 2) You chose truly non-traditional rhymes, which I always love to see (ad hoc, fomented, anyone?). I equally (shall we call this 2b?), admire the choice to wrap your lines so the rhyme could stand as a traditional "end" rhyme (e.g., chock rather than chock full, to ensure it would line up for ad hoc). 3) You have created truly beautiful imagery. My favorite line is a great example of this: "Up to our ears in blooms further afield and sinking". Wonderful. I wish you luck in the contest, though I feel very strongly this will do well! Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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Oh, I love-love-love this, Senyai! Where to start. . . 1) I love that each couplet serves as its own point and counterpoint. The comparison of "young" to "old(er)" is such a useful device, and to compare it across each pairing (rather than in two separate stanzas - 1 youth, 1 aged) is just such an excellent structural decision. 2) You chose truly non-traditional rhymes, which I always love to see (ad hoc, fomented, anyone?). I equally (shall we call this 2b?), admire the choice to wrap your lines so the rhyme could stand as a traditional "end" rhyme (e.g., chock rather than chock full, to ensure it would line up for ad hoc). 3) You have created truly beautiful imagery. My favorite line is a great example of this: "Up to our ears in blooms further afield and sinking". Wonderful. I wish you luck in the contest, though I feel very strongly this will do well! Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 30-May-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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E. Denison,
Thank you so much for such a touching review! So so happy you enjoyed this poem of mine.
Have a great Tuesday, my kind lady :-)
Senyai
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E. Denison,
Thank you so much for such a touching review! So so happy you enjoyed this poem of mine.
Have a great Tuesday, my kind lady :-)
Senyai
Comment from lyenochka
A lovely reflection on the aging process. I liked "Now time has given us older bones but with brains chock full of memories, the mental files sorted, arranged ad hoc." Good use of enjambment to carry your thoughts smoothly across lines. Thanks for the good information about goldenrod. I only thought it was a weed that caused people severe allergies.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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A lovely reflection on the aging process. I liked "Now time has given us older bones but with brains chock full of memories, the mental files sorted, arranged ad hoc." Good use of enjambment to carry your thoughts smoothly across lines. Thanks for the good information about goldenrod. I only thought it was a weed that caused people severe allergies.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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Hi Helen,
Oh, thank you for this interesting review! Glad you enjoyed this little poem of mine about aging. Enjambment is one of the many poetry tools, I always had trouble defining. Emily Dickinson used it quite a bit to her advantage and I hoped I used it well here. Thank you kindly for your thoughts from one who is a great writer :))
Have a great Sunday,
Senyai
Comment from Jasminium
I am speechless..!!
Such an effortless and apt portrayal of aging. I love it and it took me a few minutes to get of the zone created by your poem..Beautiful.. good luck and keep writing!!
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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I am speechless..!!
Such an effortless and apt portrayal of aging. I love it and it took me a few minutes to get of the zone created by your poem..Beautiful.. good luck and keep writing!!
Comment Written 14-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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Hi Jasminium,
Oh my, thank you kindly for this stellar review and warm comments! Marvelous :))
Appreciate your valuable input on my poem. Thanks also for the gift of six. Its always so nice and made my day, frankly!
All the best to you,
Senyai
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Hi Jasminium,
Oh my, thank you kindly for this stellar review and warm comments! Marvelous :))
Appreciate your valuable input on my poem. Thanks also for the gift of six. Its always so nice and made my day, frankly!
All the best to you,
Senyai
Comment from dmt1967
This did make me laugh and I related to the memory being in a puddle, muddle lol. I have many a day when my mind is in a fog lol. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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This did make me laugh and I related to the memory being in a puddle, muddle lol. I have many a day when my mind is in a fog lol. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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Hi Dmt,
Thank you for this warm and relatable review! Yes a muddle puddle is where its at now, lol. But there is still fun to be had :)).
I value your input and appreciate your time to read and assess my work.
Have a wonderful week,
Senyai
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Hi Dmt,
Thank you for this warm and relatable review! Yes a muddle puddle is where its at now, lol. But there is still fun to be had :)).
I value your input and appreciate your time to read and assess my work.
Have a wonderful week,
Senyai
Comment from Aussie
When we were young - so long ago now it seems. Yes, today muddle puddles. Your presentation was fitting for your subject. One day we go to bed young and wake up old - my dad used to tell me and I didn't believe him. Now, I'm a fan of a muddle puddle. Well done.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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When we were young - so long ago now it seems. Yes, today muddle puddles. Your presentation was fitting for your subject. One day we go to bed young and wake up old - my dad used to tell me and I didn't believe him. Now, I'm a fan of a muddle puddle. Well done.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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Hi Aussie,
Thank you kindly for a stellar review and of course the gift of six is very nice!
Bless you for your insight, as that?s just how I feel too ? I went to bed young and woke up old, tottering to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and looked down at my hands holding the mug and wondered whose hands are these? They look so old!
Thanks for such a great review and thoughts!
Always,
Senyai
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Hi Aussie,
Thank you kindly for a stellar review and of course the gift of six is very nice!
Bless you for your insight, as that?s just how I feel too ? I went to bed young and woke up old, tottering to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and looked down at my hands holding the mug and wondered whose hands are these? They look so old!
Thanks for such a great review and thoughts!
Always,
Senyai
Comment from dellsworthpoet
Ah, the admixture of contentment and da vavu. So much of aging contains this bitter-sweet broth.
A very nice rhyming couplet poem. The pace is good. The words are comforting and soft. The view is of halcyon days past and present.
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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Ah, the admixture of contentment and da vavu. So much of aging contains this bitter-sweet broth.
A very nice rhyming couplet poem. The pace is good. The words are comforting and soft. The view is of halcyon days past and present.
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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Hi Dellsworthpoet,
Oh, thank you kindly for a stellar review and thoughts! Your input is always, welcome :))
Always,
Senyai
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Hi Dellsworthpoet,
Oh, thank you kindly for a stellar review and thoughts! Your input is always, welcome :))
Always,
Senyai
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You are welcome.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I like this stanza: "To recover over coffee, jointly laughing at our primal survival
plus-plus years of joys, despairs that to us are surely archival", it brings a refreshing view upon what matters in life. Thank youf or sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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I like this stanza: "To recover over coffee, jointly laughing at our primal survival
plus-plus years of joys, despairs that to us are surely archival", it brings a refreshing view upon what matters in life. Thank youf or sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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Hi Iza,
Thank you kindly for such a lovely review and thoughts! I am glad you enjoyed my poem.
Have a great Sunday and coming week :))
Senyai
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Hi Iza,
Thank you kindly for such a lovely review and thoughts! I am glad you enjoyed my poem.
Have a great Sunday and coming week :))
Senyai
Comment from Patty Palmer
An enjoyable piece of poetry to read. So true that things that were exciting long ago today is almost unthinkable. I read somewhere that at our age when we say we got lucky these days it means we fell asleep easily when we took our nap. LOL, We gotta laugh about getting old because if we didn't we'd cry. Thanks for sharing!
Patty
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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An enjoyable piece of poetry to read. So true that things that were exciting long ago today is almost unthinkable. I read somewhere that at our age when we say we got lucky these days it means we fell asleep easily when we took our nap. LOL, We gotta laugh about getting old because if we didn't we'd cry. Thanks for sharing!
Patty
Comment Written 13-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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Hi Patty,
Thank you for a most enjoyable review and thoughts?yes, so true. Better to laugh than cry any day :))
Have a great coming week,
Senyai
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Hi Patty,
Thank you for a most enjoyable review and thoughts?yes, so true. Better to laugh than cry any day :))
Have a great coming week,
Senyai
Comment from Anne-Marie brison
Dear author,.
But love led us here, fields of gilded goldenrod so lazily winking
My desire? Up to our ears in blooms further afield and sinking..
Awesome job! Best of luck with the contest!
May God bless you and your family!!
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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Dear author,.
But love led us here, fields of gilded goldenrod so lazily winking
My desire? Up to our ears in blooms further afield and sinking..
Awesome job! Best of luck with the contest!
May God bless you and your family!!
Comment Written 13-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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Hi Anne-Marie,
Thank you kindly for an awesome review and thoughts! I appreciate your time to read and assess my poem.
Have a wonderful coming week :))
Senyai
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Hi Anne-Marie,
Thank you kindly for an awesome review and thoughts! I appreciate your time to read and assess my poem.
Have a wonderful coming week :))
Senyai
Comment from SimianSavant
This is an interesting subject, and (at the beginning of my middle years) I see more hues, but with it a gradual diminishing in vibrancy of those visceral, early experiences. As you touch on here, as the brain ages it seems to organize itself to make wiser decisions and evolutionary drives and gradually wane - or reprioritize - with time. An apt description. The only thing I would look at is the singular/plural question of my vs. our in the final stanza, which I think you did deliberately to refer back to the title. Does it mean "my desire is for us to be Up to our ears in blooms"? Or does it mean my desire has gone afield? Or something else? Maybe the ambiguity is a good thing to remain unanswered : )
Thanks for the read!
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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This is an interesting subject, and (at the beginning of my middle years) I see more hues, but with it a gradual diminishing in vibrancy of those visceral, early experiences. As you touch on here, as the brain ages it seems to organize itself to make wiser decisions and evolutionary drives and gradually wane - or reprioritize - with time. An apt description. The only thing I would look at is the singular/plural question of my vs. our in the final stanza, which I think you did deliberately to refer back to the title. Does it mean "my desire is for us to be Up to our ears in blooms"? Or does it mean my desire has gone afield? Or something else? Maybe the ambiguity is a good thing to remain unanswered : )
Thanks for the read!
Comment Written 13-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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Hi Harambe,
Thank you kindly for an in-depth review and thoughts. In the last stanza, I am referring to my desire is to be content being with you in this field of sunny goldenrods (of life) wanting nothing more than to walk on together for whatever comes ( further afield) and sinking up to our ears in the tall blooming goldenrods even as we sink into old age and death.
If that makes sense?
Your input is always welcome, Harambe :))
Have a wonderful coming week,
Senyai
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Hi Harambe,
Thank you kindly for an in-depth review and thoughts. In the last stanza, I am referring to my desire is to be content being with you in this field of sunny goldenrods (of life) wanting nothing more than to walk on together for whatever comes ( further afield) and sinking up to our ears in the tall blooming goldenrods even as we sink into old age and death.
If that makes sense?
Your input is always welcome, Harambe :))
Have a wonderful coming week,
Senyai
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Yes that DOES make sense! And on rereading it, it does seem like the intention of your phrase. Thanks and have a great Sunday yourself!
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Thanks :))
