Crosses
The war to 'end' wars57 total reviews
Comment from John Cranford
Your poem struck such a cord with me I need to share this afterthought. It reminded me of the following passage from the book (and movie) "We were Soldiers" and I felt compelled to share it with you.
"We were the children of the 1950s and John F. Kennedy's young stalwarts of the early 1960s. He told the world that Americans would pay 'any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship' in the defense of freedom. We were the down payment on that costly contract. But the man who signed it was not there when we fulfilled his promise. John F. Kennedy waited for us on a hill in Arlington National Cemetery, and in time we came by thousands to fill those slopes with our white marble markers and to ask on the murmur of the wind if that was truly the future he had envisioned for us."
Thank you again for such a memorable poem.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2021
  |
Your poem struck such a cord with me I need to share this afterthought. It reminded me of the following passage from the book (and movie) "We were Soldiers" and I felt compelled to share it with you.
"We were the children of the 1950s and John F. Kennedy's young stalwarts of the early 1960s. He told the world that Americans would pay 'any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship' in the defense of freedom. We were the down payment on that costly contract. But the man who signed it was not there when we fulfilled his promise. John F. Kennedy waited for us on a hill in Arlington National Cemetery, and in time we came by thousands to fill those slopes with our white marble markers and to ask on the murmur of the wind if that was truly the future he had envisioned for us."
Thank you again for such a memorable poem.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2021
-
I think that?s a pretty good assessment of what I meant, the ones that declare wars never face the reality and the cost, the loved ones left behind are left with the dreams that might have been, and the young mark death?s wall. Thanks again John, blessings Roy
Comment from prettybluebirds
The VietNam war was the same thing. My brother was in Nam and died an early death due to Agent Orange. The men from this war were treated the same way. They were not honored or recognized when the war was over. It was a sad thing.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
|
The VietNam war was the same thing. My brother was in Nam and died an early death due to Agent Orange. The men from this war were treated the same way. They were not honored or recognized when the war was over. It was a sad thing.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
-
It is indeed, they were just sacrificial lambs, just boys really, so sad, if they refused to go "over the top" they were shot for cowardice, some were only 16, some mother?s treasure, and someone else?s target practice, thank you, for this positive review, blessings Roy
Comment from judiverse
This is beautiful, and I love the picture that accompanies. The crosses are a reminder of those who gave their lives in battle. As you write, the young soldiers who died are heroes. They did what was asked from them, maybe to their country's discredit. Yes, we should honor them, and it's good we have a day set aside--Remembrance Day for you folks and Veterans' Day in the U.S. So true, we should also honor the families of those who died in service of their country. Very heartfelt and well rhymed. judi
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
|
This is beautiful, and I love the picture that accompanies. The crosses are a reminder of those who gave their lives in battle. As you write, the young soldiers who died are heroes. They did what was asked from them, maybe to their country's discredit. Yes, we should honor them, and it's good we have a day set aside--Remembrance Day for you folks and Veterans' Day in the U.S. So true, we should also honor the families of those who died in service of their country. Very heartfelt and well rhymed. judi
Comment Written 13-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
-
Thanks so much Judy, for these marvellous comments and a great review, blessings Roy
Comment from SimianSavant
A very good poem, with nice consistent meter, and great haunting imagery.
Here are a couple suggestions on the form:
Blood and Good don't rhyme in American English. With a thick English or Aussie accent they might, as you mentioned in your notes, so I am assuming it is passable but you might want to make reference to it with an asterix.
I feel the sorrow constrict thought
**the issue here is your meter changes the accent on "constrict". Unless British English has the accent on the first syllable, that is, and you meant to do this. In American English it is con-STRICT. If the same in British English, you can make an adjustment like *pangs of grief constrict all thought*, pushing the beat back a syllable.
Yet cries still mutter in the trees,
and fades **should be FADE, since the verb is CRIES (plural)** not on the gentle breeze.
Those young men's gaze fall not on skies
of azure blue from sightless eyes. **the singular/plural verb use here is very tricky. It must be either gazes fall, or gaze falls. But the former adds a syllable and disrupts your meter, which is likely why you opted for the latter, with "fall" to end on and emphasize the plural. You might try something like:
Their gazes fall not on the skies
Since "young men" has already been emphasized in the previous stanza.
Thank you for the compelling read!
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
|
A very good poem, with nice consistent meter, and great haunting imagery.
Here are a couple suggestions on the form:
Blood and Good don't rhyme in American English. With a thick English or Aussie accent they might, as you mentioned in your notes, so I am assuming it is passable but you might want to make reference to it with an asterix.
I feel the sorrow constrict thought
**the issue here is your meter changes the accent on "constrict". Unless British English has the accent on the first syllable, that is, and you meant to do this. In American English it is con-STRICT. If the same in British English, you can make an adjustment like *pangs of grief constrict all thought*, pushing the beat back a syllable.
Yet cries still mutter in the trees,
and fades **should be FADE, since the verb is CRIES (plural)** not on the gentle breeze.
Those young men's gaze fall not on skies
of azure blue from sightless eyes. **the singular/plural verb use here is very tricky. It must be either gazes fall, or gaze falls. But the former adds a syllable and disrupts your meter, which is likely why you opted for the latter, with "fall" to end on and emphasize the plural. You might try something like:
Their gazes fall not on the skies
Since "young men" has already been emphasized in the previous stanza.
Thank you for the compelling read!
Comment Written 13-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
-
Thanks so much, for these marvellous comments and a great review, blessings Roy
Comment from Boogienights
This poem is well written and very touching. So many more suffer when a loved one is lost in battle, then we realize. I wish we coukd bring about an end to war and hate, but i fear that wint won't happen soon.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
|
This poem is well written and very touching. So many more suffer when a loved one is lost in battle, then we realize. I wish we coukd bring about an end to war and hate, but i fear that wint won't happen soon.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
-
Thanks so much, for these marvellous comments and a great review, blessings Roy
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This piece is exceptional in every respect--skillfully composed with sustained attention to rhyming and meter and, more importantly, a powerful, rousing message about the oceans of blood that have been shed during wars, so much of it by the very young.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
 |
This piece is exceptional in every respect--skillfully composed with sustained attention to rhyming and meter and, more importantly, a powerful, rousing message about the oceans of blood that have been shed during wars, so much of it by the very young.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
-
Thanks so much Janice, for these marvellous comments and a great review, blessings Roy
Comment from nomi338
Isaiah chapter 2, verse 4: He will render judgment among the nations
And set matters straight respecting many peoples.
They will beat their swords into plowshares
And their spears into pruning shears.
Nation will not lift up sword against nation,
Nor will they learn war anymore.
This is a prophecy that I long to see come to fruition as son as possible. Not just on the battlefield, but on our streets as well. Armed self appointed vigilantes are killing fellow citizens as if they have the right to take a human life without though of consequence. They are wrong and will come to regret their actions some day soon.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
|
Isaiah chapter 2, verse 4: He will render judgment among the nations
And set matters straight respecting many peoples.
They will beat their swords into plowshares
And their spears into pruning shears.
Nation will not lift up sword against nation,
Nor will they learn war anymore.
This is a prophecy that I long to see come to fruition as son as possible. Not just on the battlefield, but on our streets as well. Armed self appointed vigilantes are killing fellow citizens as if they have the right to take a human life without though of consequence. They are wrong and will come to regret their actions some day soon.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
-
Thanks so much Bro, for these marvellous comments and a great review, blessings Roy
Comment from artisart4u
This is a nice tribute to the fallen heroes. They knew they could make a change even if they had to die trying.
Your couplets are nice and congratulations on your wins.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
|
This is a nice tribute to the fallen heroes. They knew they could make a change even if they had to die trying.
Your couplets are nice and congratulations on your wins.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
-
Thanks so much, for these marvellous comments and a great review, blessings Roy
Comment from J. Dennis
To: Mr. Roy Owen
There are not many people who remember the actual horrors of this time in history. Your poem shows the results: the crosses, the lost lives on both sides, the sorrow of the family and the loss of children not born. How sad.
There is a poignant emotion for all of this.
Thank you for the clarification of the rhyme you used. The extra information about your country's remembrance of the war.
Nice job.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
|
To: Mr. Roy Owen
There are not many people who remember the actual horrors of this time in history. Your poem shows the results: the crosses, the lost lives on both sides, the sorrow of the family and the loss of children not born. How sad.
There is a poignant emotion for all of this.
Thank you for the clarification of the rhyme you used. The extra information about your country's remembrance of the war.
Nice job.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
-
Thanks so much, for these marvellous comments and a great review, blessings Roy
Comment from pookietoo
This is a great war poem. It sounds like an Armistice Day poem. I love all of your poetry. Thanks for being my friend. Have a wonderful weekend. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
|
This is a great war poem. It sounds like an Armistice Day poem. I love all of your poetry. Thanks for being my friend. Have a wonderful weekend. Best wishes.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2021
-
Thanks so much, for these marvellous comments and a great review, blessings Roy
-
Welcome