A Memory of Roses
Rhyming poem about a garden I restored.5 total reviews
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
What a beautiful poem giving us a glimpse into an experience from your youth. I love gardening, as many on this site do, and sharing your story was a great expression of your first personal garden.
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2021
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What a beautiful poem giving us a glimpse into an experience from your youth. I love gardening, as many on this site do, and sharing your story was a great expression of your first personal garden.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 06-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2021
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Thanks, Rhonda!
Comment from lyenochka
A fun story about the changes of reclaiming beauty at your first apartment! Your poem seems to be in a ballad poetry form with the abcb rhyme scheme.
Suggestions:
To keep the meter iambic and regularly 8/6/8/6 syllables I suggest:
"planted roses by the hundreds," (he planted roses by the hundreds) or even "had planted"
It was hard to picture rose beds there (9 syllables) can become:
'Twas hard to picture rose beds there
even with my eyes tight closed. (e'en)
then watched from my back porch,
hoping they would stretch and wake.
(I watched from my back porch with hopes
that they would stretch and wake)
That spring I gaped in wonder
as the buds slowly gave birth
(That spring I gaped in wonderment
as slowly buds gave birth)
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2021
 |
A fun story about the changes of reclaiming beauty at your first apartment! Your poem seems to be in a ballad poetry form with the abcb rhyme scheme.
Suggestions:
To keep the meter iambic and regularly 8/6/8/6 syllables I suggest:
"planted roses by the hundreds," (he planted roses by the hundreds) or even "had planted"
It was hard to picture rose beds there (9 syllables) can become:
'Twas hard to picture rose beds there
even with my eyes tight closed. (e'en)
then watched from my back porch,
hoping they would stretch and wake.
(I watched from my back porch with hopes
that they would stretch and wake)
That spring I gaped in wonder
as the buds slowly gave birth
(That spring I gaped in wonderment
as slowly buds gave birth)
Comment Written 03-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2021
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Wow, great insight, thank you so much.
Comment from robyn corum
Laurie,
Wow. Sounds utterly deligtful. So often, when people are remodeling an older home, they don't even bother trying to see what wonderful heritage bushes and flowers may be around - they just DIG everything up and replace it all. Which is sad - as you show here - sometimes there are royal treasures to be found. Thanks!
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2021
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Laurie,
Wow. Sounds utterly deligtful. So often, when people are remodeling an older home, they don't even bother trying to see what wonderful heritage bushes and flowers may be around - they just DIG everything up and replace it all. Which is sad - as you show here - sometimes there are royal treasures to be found. Thanks!
Comment Written 03-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2021
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Thanks for your review, Robyn. I appreciate it!
Comment from RodG
What a delightful memoir you have given us in this six-stanza poem. You make it easy for us to visualize that rubble-strewn yard and how earnestly the Speaker worked to bring those rose bushes back to life. Rod
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2021
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What a delightful memoir you have given us in this six-stanza poem. You make it easy for us to visualize that rubble-strewn yard and how earnestly the Speaker worked to bring those rose bushes back to life. Rod
Comment Written 03-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2021
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Thanks, Rod! I appreciate your review and your time!
Comment from Word Junkie
Hello Laurie,
This is a lovely and imaginative poem. I like the way you use the space to tell an inspiring story.
Your words put the reader right in the scene and you tie everything together nicely at the end.
Great job! Good luck in the contest!
~Lana
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2021
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Hello Laurie,
This is a lovely and imaginative poem. I like the way you use the space to tell an inspiring story.
Your words put the reader right in the scene and you tie everything together nicely at the end.
Great job! Good luck in the contest!
~Lana
Comment Written 03-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2021
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Thanks, Lana! I appreciate your time!
