Witness
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Lined in Silver"Modern struggle in another world.
5 total reviews
Comment from AliMom
Nice addition, good writing. I am in love with your cadre of strong women from all walks of life. The instant camaraderie of the newest edition, Thais, makes me as suspicious as Karsa. I, too hope that she can be trusted. She will make an excellent ally.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2021
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Nice addition, good writing. I am in love with your cadre of strong women from all walks of life. The instant camaraderie of the newest edition, Thais, makes me as suspicious as Karsa. I, too hope that she can be trusted. She will make an excellent ally.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. (Sorry for my late reply). I?m glad you?ve enjoyed it and I hope the characters stay interesting for you. Have an awesome day.
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The pleasure is all mine. Good evening to you.
Comment from robyn corum
KO,
Oh, yeah. That's a very cool surprise and a huge help for the cause. If she is able to help in all or even many of the ways she's indicated - she's going to be a great asset. Very nice chapter. Enjoyed!
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2021
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KO,
Oh, yeah. That's a very cool surprise and a huge help for the cause. If she is able to help in all or even many of the ways she's indicated - she's going to be a great asset. Very nice chapter. Enjoyed!
Comment Written 03-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. (Sorry for my late reply.) I?m glad it was enjoyable. Have an awesome day.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Chapter of the General Fiction, speaks expressively lined in silver, in the book Witness, speaks further the madame of the Silver Lining joins the revolution; well said, well done; thanks for sharing, happy reviewing this; God Bless You, my good writer, post more, fast for precious time, dear, Worship Month November. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2021
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This Chapter of the General Fiction, speaks expressively lined in silver, in the book Witness, speaks further the madame of the Silver Lining joins the revolution; well said, well done; thanks for sharing, happy reviewing this; God Bless You, my good writer, post more, fast for precious time, dear, Worship Month November. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 03-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I?m glad it came out alright. (Sorry for the late reply). I hope you have a wonderful day.
Comment from Jay Squires
This is developing nicely. There is a general feeling of grittiness that I really like to your prose, K. There were a few notes I made as I read through this. Take them or leave them, they are just one writer's viewpoint.
I lit my smokestick and followed. [I don't quite understand why you are using "smokestick" here again, when you clearly identified it as coming from a pack of cigarettes, earlier. I'd suggest the earlier reference as a pack of smokesticks, or start calling them cigarettes.]
Her crimson lips pursed into a friendly smile. [Pursed describes more of a contracting of the lips, a puckering, not a spreading to a smile.]
I like the addition of Thais to the mix. She is earthy, streetwise, and real.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2021
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This is developing nicely. There is a general feeling of grittiness that I really like to your prose, K. There were a few notes I made as I read through this. Take them or leave them, they are just one writer's viewpoint.
I lit my smokestick and followed. [I don't quite understand why you are using "smokestick" here again, when you clearly identified it as coming from a pack of cigarettes, earlier. I'd suggest the earlier reference as a pack of smokesticks, or start calling them cigarettes.]
Her crimson lips pursed into a friendly smile. [Pursed describes more of a contracting of the lips, a puckering, not a spreading to a smile.]
I like the addition of Thais to the mix. She is earthy, streetwise, and real.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2021
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Thank you so much for reviewing. I edited what you saw. Thank you for pointing it out. I?m glad it came out well otherwise. I hope you have a great day.
Comment from Word Junkie
Hello K. Olsen,
This is another mesmerizing chapter and the text is very clean. The description is excellent and the dialogue serves to strengthen characterization. The pace was appropriate also. Great job!
from anyone they pleased -- I know what you wanted to say but this says the soldiers pleased people, and then demanded papers.
utterly without pretenses, -- pretense, I believe
Well done, and write on!
~Lana
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2021
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Hello K. Olsen,
This is another mesmerizing chapter and the text is very clean. The description is excellent and the dialogue serves to strengthen characterization. The pace was appropriate also. Great job!
from anyone they pleased -- I know what you wanted to say but this says the soldiers pleased people, and then demanded papers.
utterly without pretenses, -- pretense, I believe
Well done, and write on!
~Lana
Comment Written 02-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I?l take a look at what you spotted and make corrections. Thank you for spotting them. I hope you have a great day.
