Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 58 "Football Chapter 31 part 2"A mother faces life's struggles.
30 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
This is getting more romantic all the time. It seems when they start to get too worked up, Gabriel knows it is time for him go go home. I am enjoying the story. I'm sorry you're still having to wear a cast and in pain but I guess these things take a while to heal.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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This is getting more romantic all the time. It seems when they start to get too worked up, Gabriel knows it is time for him go go home. I am enjoying the story. I'm sorry you're still having to wear a cast and in pain but I guess these things take a while to heal.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I'm so glad the relationship between Katherine and Gabriel are getting warmer. They danced and kissed and what's next?
I think the kids approve this relationship, too. Who wouldn't want a former NFL defensive lineman as dad?
I'm sorry about your wrist and hope you are getting better every day.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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I'm so glad the relationship between Katherine and Gabriel are getting warmer. They danced and kissed and what's next?
I think the kids approve this relationship, too. Who wouldn't want a former NFL defensive lineman as dad?
I'm sorry about your wrist and hope you are getting better every day.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Homecoming dance approaching. Katherine is so good with her children. Very patient. You can tell she is a teacher. She does at times have low esteem but she has been through a lot.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Homecoming dance approaching. Katherine is so good with her children. Very patient. You can tell she is a teacher. She does at times have low esteem but she has been through a lot.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from tfawcus
Another heart-warming domestic scene that furthers the relationship between these two in a most delightful way. So glad to hear your wrist is gradually improving.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2021
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Another heart-warming domestic scene that furthers the relationship between these two in a most delightful way. So glad to hear your wrist is gradually improving.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Richard Van Kirk
Well done. I was going to mention to watch the punctuation. You missed a close quote after Katherine says, "I'll set the table. - The paragraph starting, "Waiting for him to check the grill..." Should have more depth. Maybe Katherine has tears, or sighs deeply, or just shakes her head, something to show her inner struggle regarding the way Gabriel treats her and the way she feels about herself (maybe previous chapters show why she doesn't feel good about herself, if so, I apologize). However, in this paragraph there should be more emotion so I can feel what Katherine is feeling. It seems to be missing depth. I like the mother/son exchange and the dance lesson, I could see it. It would be great if you showed even more halting doubt by the son, but it wasn't bad. After a lingering kiss Gabriel leaves suddenly without explanation, like a Cinderella leaving the ball. I am assuming the last chapter gives the reason for the sudden reticence? Overall, so far, so good!
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2021
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Well done. I was going to mention to watch the punctuation. You missed a close quote after Katherine says, "I'll set the table. - The paragraph starting, "Waiting for him to check the grill..." Should have more depth. Maybe Katherine has tears, or sighs deeply, or just shakes her head, something to show her inner struggle regarding the way Gabriel treats her and the way she feels about herself (maybe previous chapters show why she doesn't feel good about herself, if so, I apologize). However, in this paragraph there should be more emotion so I can feel what Katherine is feeling. It seems to be missing depth. I like the mother/son exchange and the dance lesson, I could see it. It would be great if you showed even more halting doubt by the son, but it wasn't bad. After a lingering kiss Gabriel leaves suddenly without explanation, like a Cinderella leaving the ball. I am assuming the last chapter gives the reason for the sudden reticence? Overall, so far, so good!
Comment Written 25-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2021
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Yes, the previous chapters lead up to this. I have added that ending quotation mark. Funny thing, I got a review stating I had too much detail. Go figure. Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
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It really depends on the type of detail you put into the story. What is the purpose of the detail? Are you showing the changes of your main character who lost her husband and is now raising 4 boys alone. How that must make her feel must be incredible. Try to stick to one point of view in the chapter. It should be Katherine's and it makes sense what Gabriel is trying to do. More depth of character may mean leaving other things out. Was Katherine trying to be Politically Correct when she told her son to ask the girl if he could touch her? Doesn't dancing assume there will be touching? I'm just curious. If it does, maybe the son doesn't need to be told to ask if he could touch her if they go on the dance floor? Sincerely sorry for all the questions.
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I went to read some of your posts so i could see examples, but couldn't find any.
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I just started after a year and a half hiatus. You made a comment on one of my stories on March 18, 2020
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Sorry I missed a lot:( but I love this chapter is so cheerful and carefree and finally those two can stay in the same room and have a normal conversation and open date:)
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2021
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Sorry I missed a lot:( but I love this chapter is so cheerful and carefree and finally those two can stay in the same room and have a normal conversation and open date:)
Comment Written 25-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2021
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Thank you for the kind review and welcome back.
Comment from Soledadpaz
I'm just picking up this story here, but already I sense the closeness Katherine has with her boys, and at such a young age too. Gabriel's persistence is believable and the fact that he truly cares for her in such a short timespan comes through.
Hope your wrist fully recovers soon.
Sol
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2021
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I'm just picking up this story here, but already I sense the closeness Katherine has with her boys, and at such a young age too. Gabriel's persistence is believable and the fact that he truly cares for her in such a short timespan comes through.
Hope your wrist fully recovers soon.
Sol
Comment Written 25-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Cogitator
this post is well-crafted and holds interest quite well. Perhaps fewer details would not alter the tone of your story. No matter what, you write well. Enjoyed the reverie you provided...John
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2021
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this post is well-crafted and holds interest quite well. Perhaps fewer details would not alter the tone of your story. No matter what, you write well. Enjoyed the reverie you provided...John
Comment Written 25-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2021
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LOL I had to laugh at your review. I usually get reviews wanting more details. Anyway, thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
This is definitely one of those six-star chapter, if I had one, that gives us a flash of the sparks and the gentleman walk away before the all-out fireworks can begin. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2021
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This is definitely one of those six-star chapter, if I had one, that gives us a flash of the sparks and the gentleman walk away before the all-out fireworks can begin. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2021
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Thank you for the kind review. I tend to be old fashioned, plus Katherine needs to set an example for her sons.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Aww, that was lovely, Barbara. I wish more boys would learn to dance, and girls now, I loved it. It was much better than all that head-banging stuff!! Now Gabe is officially Katherine's 'boyfriend' and it will obviously spread and reach her in-laws ears and Mr Frost's. Not that it has a anything to do with anyone! We still have to wait to see what is happening with him. Great part, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2021
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Aww, that was lovely, Barbara. I wish more boys would learn to dance, and girls now, I loved it. It was much better than all that head-banging stuff!! Now Gabe is officially Katherine's 'boyfriend' and it will obviously spread and reach her in-laws ears and Mr Frost's. Not that it has a anything to do with anyone! We still have to wait to see what is happening with him. Great part, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 25-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.