Utah's Scenic
Family Story contest entry12 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
The second sentence indicates this could be a wide open story, many possibilites where the tale might head.
Possibly consider changing broke to broken?
Move walking up to follow while?
Plenty of action.
Jerk got what he deserved.
Only suggestions.
Take for what they may be worth.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2021
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The second sentence indicates this could be a wide open story, many possibilites where the tale might head.
Possibly consider changing broke to broken?
Move walking up to follow while?
Plenty of action.
Jerk got what he deserved.
Only suggestions.
Take for what they may be worth.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2021
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Thank you for the great review and suggestions, Brett. Yes, it could go in many different directions from there. I appreciate the generous stars.
Ron
Comment from patricia dillon
This was an absorbing story. The man who seemed to be so helpful turned out to be a predator. It was a relief when the tables were turned. There was a nice twist at the end.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2021
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This was an absorbing story. The man who seemed to be so helpful turned out to be a predator. It was a relief when the tables were turned. There was a nice twist at the end.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2021
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Thank you for the great review and stars, Patricia. I'm glad you liked this dark tale.
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You're welcome
