Revenge
A slingshot can inflict brusing hurt.12 total reviews
Comment from chocoletdrop052
This for sure is the master's stamp of approval. I loved the prologue of this tale because it draws a depiction of suspense and mastery. How unfortunate for Jason to wonder to the unknown and the watcher to ponce on his prey. Valor is a pronounce in the slingshot, but the hunter must have the same trait. Thank you for such a wonderful piece.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2021
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This for sure is the master's stamp of approval. I loved the prologue of this tale because it draws a depiction of suspense and mastery. How unfortunate for Jason to wonder to the unknown and the watcher to ponce on his prey. Valor is a pronounce in the slingshot, but the hunter must have the same trait. Thank you for such a wonderful piece.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2021
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Thank you so much for the read and the honor of six stars.
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Brilliant and depicts so much of the missing children saga. It is clearing some road blocks and tearing down hiding places.
Comment from SimianSavant
This is GREAT. Having been a kid with four brothers who did this sort of stuff, you nailed the little details. Tone, color, pacing, everything just works really really well and draws the reader in. This is like the nightmare of Shel Silvrstein's book "the giving tree".
Ok so I found some typos, all in the same paragraph, and thought you might like to know about them:
In the meantime, Jason's mom called his friends, but to no avail. When Jason failed to appear, after another hour, his Tim <> called the police. Two officers came to the house. Elizabeth told them the last time they saw Jason; he was in the backyard shooting rocks with his with his <> slingshot. She said in a watery voice, "That was over three hours ago. Please find him." Harry Thompson, one of the officers, said not to worry, <> most time kids just lose a sense of time. However, at 1:00 am Officer Thompson returned to the house and reported that they <> failed to find a trace of Jason, but would resume the search in the morning.
That's it for edits from me. Again, nice work. I will read this one to my friends!
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2021
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This is GREAT. Having been a kid with four brothers who did this sort of stuff, you nailed the little details. Tone, color, pacing, everything just works really really well and draws the reader in. This is like the nightmare of Shel Silvrstein's book "the giving tree".
Ok so I found some typos, all in the same paragraph, and thought you might like to know about them:
In the meantime, Jason's mom called his friends, but to no avail. When Jason failed to appear, after another hour, his Tim <> called the police. Two officers came to the house. Elizabeth told them the last time they saw Jason; he was in the backyard shooting rocks with his with his <
That's it for edits from me. Again, nice work. I will read this one to my friends!
Comment Written 22-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2021
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Again, thanks for the read and the edits.
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I am just seeing that the comments I made inside the angle brackets did not show up due to a rendering error; were you able to see those?
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Yes, I was and I have corrected the narrative. Thanks, again for the help.
Comment from writer723
I really enjoyed your story. It is spooky and engaging. Your setting and pacing were well thought out. The scenario was intriguing and the words flowed freely. Your offered an insightful glimpse inside the world of the supernatural. Wonderful job!
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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I really enjoyed your story. It is spooky and engaging. Your setting and pacing were well thought out. The scenario was intriguing and the words flowed freely. Your offered an insightful glimpse inside the world of the supernatural. Wonderful job!
Comment Written 19-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and for your encouraging comments. Greatly appreciated.
Comment from bellawolf
Your story is so imaginative and different from anything I have read. It's not easy to come up with anything original these days but you have done that. I also think there is a very important message on how we should treat all things living. I thoroughly enjoyed this story, it is excellent and wonderfully descriptive. Great job!
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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Your story is so imaginative and different from anything I have read. It's not easy to come up with anything original these days but you have done that. I also think there is a very important message on how we should treat all things living. I thoroughly enjoyed this story, it is excellent and wonderfully descriptive. Great job!
Comment Written 19-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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Again, thank you for the encouraging feedback and of course the six star honor.
Comment from Eunice Amero
This was interesting. The little boy is part of the tree now. Good idea. You did a good job. Thank you for shaking. Keep up the good work. Good luck on the winning.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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This was interesting. The little boy is part of the tree now. Good idea. You did a good job. Thank you for shaking. Keep up the good work. Good luck on the winning.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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Thanks for your read and feedback.
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You are welcome
Comment from Goodadvicechan
This is an interesting story. It attracts me to continue to read the story. I was hoping they found the boy. Unfortunately he was nowhere to be found.
A story well told! Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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This is an interesting story. It attracts me to continue to read the story. I was hoping they found the boy. Unfortunately he was nowhere to be found.
A story well told! Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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Thank you for your read and feedback.
Comment from Patty Palmer
I think this story has a lot of imagination put into it. It also seems to have a very unique storyline. This story reminds me of something you would have seen on the old black and white episodes of Twilight Zone. Good luck in the contest. I think you should have a good chance at winning.Patty
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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I think this story has a lot of imagination put into it. It also seems to have a very unique storyline. This story reminds me of something you would have seen on the old black and white episodes of Twilight Zone. Good luck in the contest. I think you should have a good chance at winning.Patty
Comment Written 19-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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Again, thank you for your encouraging words and the six star rating.
Comment from Wendy G
This is imaginative and clever - and also sends a subtle message about not damaging nature. There is always a price to pay. Your story is also clearly and well written, so I am sending you very best wishes for success in the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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This is imaginative and clever - and also sends a subtle message about not damaging nature. There is always a price to pay. Your story is also clearly and well written, so I am sending you very best wishes for success in the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 19-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2021
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Thank you, Wendy, for the read and the encouraging comments.
Comment from Mary Shifman
This is a very good story and quite well written. I was interested at the first sentence and it carried through to the end. I didn't expect that particular ending, but it's a good one. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2021
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This is a very good story and quite well written. I was interested at the first sentence and it carried through to the end. I didn't expect that particular ending, but it's a good one. Nicely done.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2021
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read, review and comment.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Terry Broxson
Dang, good entry! What goes around comes around, this time from a tree. I did laugh a little as I read you description of how Jason made his sling shot, and gathered his rocks. Back in my day (and maybe yours) mine was made from innertubes from tires, and we never had a back pack, rocks were in our pockets. No suggestion for improvement, you are a pro.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2021
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Dang, good entry! What goes around comes around, this time from a tree. I did laugh a little as I read you description of how Jason made his sling shot, and gathered his rocks. Back in my day (and maybe yours) mine was made from innertubes from tires, and we never had a back pack, rocks were in our pockets. No suggestion for improvement, you are a pro.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2021
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read, review and comment. Yes, I admit I used the more up-to-date rubber tubing and backpack.
And if we also shot bee-bees and small ball bearings, if we could find them in our dads' tool boxes.
