Fayette Flatts
A Tale Of Sweet Revenge33 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Brett, it's a great story, and l liked it a lot. One thing did catch my attention. When he was shot you simply write: and he fell dead. That could have been written in a much more sophisticated way. Like 'his eyes widened in surprise as he slowly slid to the floor, while the comprehension of his immediate demise sunk in.' Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Hi Brett, it's a great story, and l liked it a lot. One thing did catch my attention. When he was shot you simply write: and he fell dead. That could have been written in a much more sophisticated way. Like 'his eyes widened in surprise as he slowly slid to the floor, while the comprehension of his immediate demise sunk in.' Ulla:)))
Comment Written 05-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Appreciate your insightful review.
Comment from prettybluebirds
This is certainly an interesting story, but you lost me a couple of times with your quick change of characters and locations. The dialogue is great and smoothly written. I do love the artwork you added to the work as it really compliments the subject of the story. Great job. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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This is certainly an interesting story, but you lost me a couple of times with your quick change of characters and locations. The dialogue is great and smoothly written. I do love the artwork you added to the work as it really compliments the subject of the story. Great job. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
. At least one person in attendance knew for sure a legend was buried with Shawn Silverman that day. A secret that would never be revealed. The secret of Fayette Flatts...' Flawless. This is a perfect write, so interesting and mysterious. I think you have a very good chance of winning with this gem. Well done and kindest regards Meia xx
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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. At least one person in attendance knew for sure a legend was buried with Shawn Silverman that day. A secret that would never be revealed. The secret of Fayette Flatts...' Flawless. This is a perfect write, so interesting and mysterious. I think you have a very good chance of winning with this gem. Well done and kindest regards Meia xx
Comment Written 05-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You have a good story here but it is just a bit over-written. He says he's going to kill his twin but there is no twin in the story. Floyd is stumbling around in a swamp (with a cactus) and sees a shack in the distance and immediately bangs on the door. You say Floyd lives in a post and beam cabin and next line Silverman is burning down his trailer. And, maybe it's me, but I did not find any secret. I always read my stories aloud and look for oddities and find them. Might try it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2021
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You have a good story here but it is just a bit over-written. He says he's going to kill his twin but there is no twin in the story. Floyd is stumbling around in a swamp (with a cactus) and sees a shack in the distance and immediately bangs on the door. You say Floyd lives in a post and beam cabin and next line Silverman is burning down his trailer. And, maybe it's me, but I did not find any secret. I always read my stories aloud and look for oddities and find them. Might try it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2021
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Thanks for catching those two errors. Much appreciated. The secret is Silverman did not murder Floyd. That is evident at the cabin when he sees the killer standing there with a gas can in hand. Thhe real killer is at his grave. That is the secret he takes with him.
Comment from Alaskastory
"Fayette Flatts" appears to be quite a scary town. Silverman had me searching to find out just who was that "twin brother of mine!" That was a question all the well said and well done scenes never answered. I suppose I missed something in the this truly well worded story.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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"Fayette Flatts" appears to be quite a scary town. Silverman had me searching to find out just who was that "twin brother of mine!" That was a question all the well said and well done scenes never answered. I suppose I missed something in the this truly well worded story.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Your story might be fiction, but it reminds me of every little town that I've ever been to or grew up in. And in truth, I think those dirty little towns have more secrets than the big cities. LOL. Thanks for sharing. You Tennessee boys and your Black Jack Daniels. :-)
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Your story might be fiction, but it reminds me of every little town that I've ever been to or grew up in. And in truth, I think those dirty little towns have more secrets than the big cities. LOL. Thanks for sharing. You Tennessee boys and your Black Jack Daniels. :-)
Comment Written 04-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Another insightful review. Much appreciated.
Comment from BethShelby
This is a very good story. There are some things I guess I'll never find out. Why was Silverman with his twin brother? What is the secret of Fayette Flatts that Billie Olsen knew would never be told? Its seem Billie was more to Silverman that Delores, who I think he was supposed to marry had she not been with Floyd. Why did Silverman point a gun at the sherrif that had no bullets?
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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This is a very good story. There are some things I guess I'll never find out. Why was Silverman with his twin brother? What is the secret of Fayette Flatts that Billie Olsen knew would never be told? Its seem Billie was more to Silverman that Delores, who I think he was supposed to marry had she not been with Floyd. Why did Silverman point a gun at the sherrif that had no bullets?
Comment Written 04-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Appreciate your insightful review.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
A good story. The pace is well done. The dialogue is believable. The characters are fairly developed. The images are sharp. The ending is definitive, but shows a major change in the character of Silverman without any explanation. It takes a bit of the reality of the story away. The vocabulary is well chosen for the subject.
You need to calm down.
I feel this statement needs quotation marks. It also could be included in the next paragraph. As it is it almost appears as subheading.
They'd been kicked out of his chompers
Might consider rewording this says his teeth were kicked out of his teeth.
The necktie party would wait.
Question the use of necktie party since this actually refers to hanging which doesn't seem to be the method suggested by the text.
Floyd pounded on the door like a redheaded woodpecker drilled holes.
The sound of a woodpecker is gone by past tense therefore suggest "drilling holes" where the action and thus sound is present.
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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A good story. The pace is well done. The dialogue is believable. The characters are fairly developed. The images are sharp. The ending is definitive, but shows a major change in the character of Silverman without any explanation. It takes a bit of the reality of the story away. The vocabulary is well chosen for the subject.
You need to calm down.
I feel this statement needs quotation marks. It also could be included in the next paragraph. As it is it almost appears as subheading.
They'd been kicked out of his chompers
Might consider rewording this says his teeth were kicked out of his teeth.
The necktie party would wait.
Question the use of necktie party since this actually refers to hanging which doesn't seem to be the method suggested by the text.
Floyd pounded on the door like a redheaded woodpecker drilled holes.
The sound of a woodpecker is gone by past tense therefore suggest "drilling holes" where the action and thus sound is present.
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review and suggestions.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Terry Broxson
This is an excellent entry for the contest. It is right on point. Good luck with it. An interesting group of characters, and the dialogue is very good. I was not sure who the guy in the back drinking Jack Daniels was meant to be. I am guessing the author, an observer. If that is the case, think about this: the last paragraph...Sipping from from my flask of Jack Daniels, I watched Billie Olsen drop to her knees... Just a thought. Good Job.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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This is an excellent entry for the contest. It is right on point. Good luck with it. An interesting group of characters, and the dialogue is very good. I was not sure who the guy in the back drinking Jack Daniels was meant to be. I am guessing the author, an observer. If that is the case, think about this: the last paragraph...Sipping from from my flask of Jack Daniels, I watched Billie Olsen drop to her knees... Just a thought. Good Job.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Mystery and Crime Fiction, This Sentence Starts The Story contest entry, speaks lucidly, expressively a conceptual tale of sweet revenge, about Fayette Flatts, secret of which never revealed; old axiom about town is well said, well done; thanks for sharing, happy reviewing this; God Bless You, my good writer, post more, fast for precious time, dear, Worship Month November. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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This Mystery and Crime Fiction, This Sentence Starts The Story contest entry, speaks lucidly, expressively a conceptual tale of sweet revenge, about Fayette Flatts, secret of which never revealed; old axiom about town is well said, well done; thanks for sharing, happy reviewing this; God Bless You, my good writer, post more, fast for precious time, dear, Worship Month November. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 04-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Okay.
