Those Worthless Things
You can't take them with you58 total reviews
Comment from dellsworthpoet
A well formed poem. The rhyme scheme is consistent. The flow is good. The narrative trips easy off the tongue. The ending is succinct.
Suggestions you might consider:
less better, as we near the end.
Less better doesn't seem natural, perhaps more bitter. Although I don't know if that keeps your meaning.
searching for
Searching for is less forceful than pursuing, as in tracking a prey,
stay with us even in our tomb.
Here I might think of breaking form a bit and use the more poetic e'en. To me it seems more prophetic.
These are just suggestions and may not fit with your style or pattern. Hope they are at least food for thought.
A good read. Thanks for sharing. Peace.
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A well formed poem. The rhyme scheme is consistent. The flow is good. The narrative trips easy off the tongue. The ending is succinct.
Suggestions you might consider:
less better, as we near the end.
Less better doesn't seem natural, perhaps more bitter. Although I don't know if that keeps your meaning.
searching for
Searching for is less forceful than pursuing, as in tracking a prey,
stay with us even in our tomb.
Here I might think of breaking form a bit and use the more poetic e'en. To me it seems more prophetic.
These are just suggestions and may not fit with your style or pattern. Hope they are at least food for thought.
A good read. Thanks for sharing. Peace.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
Comment from Terry Broxson
Amen, brother! You got a few years on me. But one thing that old age does teach us is that we do not miss things, we miss people. Oh, I remember my Schwinn bike, but I miss my old friends, Bryce, Jimmy, Carl and Grady.
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Amen, brother! You got a few years on me. But one thing that old age does teach us is that we do not miss things, we miss people. Oh, I remember my Schwinn bike, but I miss my old friends, Bryce, Jimmy, Carl and Grady.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I agree with the strong message in your well written poem. Things mean little in the overall scheme of life. It is the memory of where/why/how those things came into one's possession. A person doesn't have to have them if s/he has the memories. Your poem has smooth flow and good rhymes.
Respectfully, Jan
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I agree with the strong message in your well written poem. Things mean little in the overall scheme of life. It is the memory of where/why/how those things came into one's possession. A person doesn't have to have them if s/he has the memories. Your poem has smooth flow and good rhymes.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an extremely well-expressed recital concerning the worthlessness of material goods. I enjoyed reading it very much, especially the words:
"Seek love and friendship"
Thank you for sharing.
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This is an extremely well-expressed recital concerning the worthlessness of material goods. I enjoyed reading it very much, especially the words:
"Seek love and friendship"
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
Comment from Anne Johnston
As usual, you have written a great poem containing a lot of truth. I like the verse: "Don't spend your time searching for wealth,
or things we have to leave behind.
Seek love and friendship, guard your health,
ennoble both your soul and mind."
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As usual, you have written a great poem containing a lot of truth. I like the verse: "Don't spend your time searching for wealth,
or things we have to leave behind.
Seek love and friendship, guard your health,
ennoble both your soul and mind."
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This poem speaks value and worth of possessions we leave but our next generations may not need; while we can take with us our health, love, friendship, faith and trust stay with us in our tomb; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
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This poem speaks value and worth of possessions we leave but our next generations may not need; while we can take with us our health, love, friendship, faith and trust stay with us in our tomb; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
Comment from rockinm76233
Good job jaybird. I wish that I could set and listen to the many stories I know that you can tell because you lived them. Keep writing and dreaming.
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Good job jaybird. I wish that I could set and listen to the many stories I know that you can tell because you lived them. Keep writing and dreaming.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Once again, your God given wisdom is shared with us through a poem. So many of us hang onto Earthly possessions when God gives us what we need and He is all we need. Thank you for the reminder.
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Once again, your God given wisdom is shared with us through a poem. So many of us hang onto Earthly possessions when God gives us what we need and He is all we need. Thank you for the reminder.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
