My Twenty-Second Birthday
A lieutenant spends his 22nd birthday surrounded in Vietnam21 total reviews
Comment from SoulRiver
A phenomenal story. Well written and flowed well. The story met the brief as it did read as fiction, but I wonder if it wasn't inspired by real events? The tension and worry of being surrounded and with nightfall coming was captivating and the simple relief of being rescued was also felt by the reader.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2021
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A phenomenal story. Well written and flowed well. The story met the brief as it did read as fiction, but I wonder if it wasn't inspired by real events? The tension and worry of being surrounded and with nightfall coming was captivating and the simple relief of being rescued was also felt by the reader.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2021
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Thank you so much for reading my story and the kind words. There are elements of reality in this story. I tried my best not only to convey the horrors and reality of war. But, the human side of war. Plus the love shared between soldiers.
Comment from Pj Dennison
This was an excellent story and sounds as if you had actually been there and maybe you were. Your depiction of the patrol is very realistic. I could see the entire ambush in my mind and hearing the AK47s firing as well as the M16s. The loss of the soldiers was unfortunate. The thing I found out in combat when you are part of the complex attack or even a solo sniper is that feelings are pushed away and numbness is created in the place of the emotional response. That numbness is a defensive mechanism that holds you together when all hell breaks out. Usually, years later those feelings may surface. I saw this in a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder program at the VA. There were Vietnam veterans in the program. Thank you for your service. If not for being a soldier then for your work as a Detective Lieutenant.
Our point man and three behind him killed. (Typo, Missing the word were)
Our point man and three behind him were killed.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2021
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This was an excellent story and sounds as if you had actually been there and maybe you were. Your depiction of the patrol is very realistic. I could see the entire ambush in my mind and hearing the AK47s firing as well as the M16s. The loss of the soldiers was unfortunate. The thing I found out in combat when you are part of the complex attack or even a solo sniper is that feelings are pushed away and numbness is created in the place of the emotional response. That numbness is a defensive mechanism that holds you together when all hell breaks out. Usually, years later those feelings may surface. I saw this in a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder program at the VA. There were Vietnam veterans in the program. Thank you for your service. If not for being a soldier then for your work as a Detective Lieutenant.
Our point man and three behind him killed. (Typo, Missing the word were)
Our point man and three behind him were killed.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2021
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Hi PJ,
Thank you so much for the rating and review.
Writing this was difficult since I never served in the military, let alone experienced combat. My knowledge is limited to movies, History Channel and from what little my brothers mentioned about Vietnam. I thought if I could at least come close to getting things correct or describing the action that would be good.
Once again thank you for reading my story.
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It reminds me of all the times I had birthdays, my family had birthdays, and the holidays I missed because of deployments. However, we had an airborne Santa that rappelled from a helicopter on a rope The contracted cooks from Nepal prepared a feast for us on the holidays. It was so funny because they put decorations in the chow tent for Thanksgiving but they had it mixed up with Columbus Day and Halloween. They used decorations from all three holidays depicted at the same time. Santa's sleigh would be next to Columbus' three ships, arched black cats with turkeys. I observed two of the kitchen personnel arguing about how to put up the decorations. One worker was the most senior and made the newer worker move Columbus' three ships closer to the big cardboard turkey. I guess he thought Columbus' was exporting turkeys I guess. It was an excellent story.
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I love this story! It was so nice of the cooks to try and make your Thanksgiving like home. 😊. You guys got three holidays in one.!
Comment from nomi338
I have spoken with many vets from this particular conflict, and the accounts have been by and large, hair raising. I was in the US Air Force from 1960 - 1964, I missed going to Vietnam and do not regret it. My heartfelt respect goes out to all who served there. I however, do not regret missing out on the mess that was defined by the chaos of fighting a war against an enemy fighting on his own turf, resourceful, determined and intent on winning. This after all, is basically how we defeated the British during the Revolutionary War.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2021
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I have spoken with many vets from this particular conflict, and the accounts have been by and large, hair raising. I was in the US Air Force from 1960 - 1964, I missed going to Vietnam and do not regret it. My heartfelt respect goes out to all who served there. I however, do not regret missing out on the mess that was defined by the chaos of fighting a war against an enemy fighting on his own turf, resourceful, determined and intent on winning. This after all, is basically how we defeated the British during the Revolutionary War.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2021
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I agree with all that you wrote.
If politicians had to fight or their kids. There would never be any wars.
Comment from LJbutterfly
As a retired counselor for the Dept. of Veterans Affairs (VA), I greeted many broken and maimed young men returning from Vietnam. Never actually serving in the military, I listened to many war stories, read all the books like "The Things They Carried," by Tim O'Brien, and watched the movies like, "Full Metal Jacket." Your well written story is as compelling, with great imagery and detail. I would make one recommendation. For non-military readers, it would add clarity if you spelled out acronyms like NVA and KIAs and put the acronym in parenthesis. Just a suggestion.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2021
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As a retired counselor for the Dept. of Veterans Affairs (VA), I greeted many broken and maimed young men returning from Vietnam. Never actually serving in the military, I listened to many war stories, read all the books like "The Things They Carried," by Tim O'Brien, and watched the movies like, "Full Metal Jacket." Your well written story is as compelling, with great imagery and detail. I would make one recommendation. For non-military readers, it would add clarity if you spelled out acronyms like NVA and KIAs and put the acronym in parenthesis. Just a suggestion.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2021
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I had two brothers that served in Vietnam. One had it particularly bad.
Thank you for the kind words and a appreciate the suggestion.
Comment from papa55mike
Your birthday is one day before mine. One of these days we will figure out peace but not soon enough. What a wonderfully written story.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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Your birthday is one day before mine. One of these days we will figure out peace but not soon enough. What a wonderfully written story.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 14-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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Sir,
I would like to thank you for reading this story. Your words were very kind and appreciated. I am honored that you felt it was worth six stars.
If politicians' fought the wars, or THEIR kids had to fight in them. There would never be a war.
Why I do believe April is the BEST month to be born!!
May God bless you and your family and keep you safe.
Richard
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading your writing prompt entry. You told a good story.
I got on the radio and shouted. "The bastards are killing my wounded. (dialogue - comma needed after 'shouted')
"Looks like you had a hell of a birthday John." (comma needed after 'birthday,' you're addressing 'John')
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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I enjoyed reading your writing prompt entry. You told a good story.
I got on the radio and shouted. "The bastards are killing my wounded. (dialogue - comma needed after 'shouted')
"Looks like you had a hell of a birthday John." (comma needed after 'birthday,' you're addressing 'John')
Comment Written 14-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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Thank you so much for reading my story. I am glad you enjoyed it. Just as important for me was your recommendations for corrections.
You are the best!
Richard
Comment from Patty Palmer
You told this story extremely well. So well, that I could picture every thing that was going on. What a sad birthday that would have been for a young soldier trying to find help for his men that the enemy was quickly gunning down. Good luck with the contest.
Patty
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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You told this story extremely well. So well, that I could picture every thing that was going on. What a sad birthday that would have been for a young soldier trying to find help for his men that the enemy was quickly gunning down. Good luck with the contest.
Patty
Comment Written 14-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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I tried so hard to tell this story in such a way to have readers truly feel what our soldiers went through.
I had two older brothers that served in Vietnam. The rescue of a trapped platoon, is a true event. My one brother told me of hearing the platoon's lieutenant yelling for help and finally screaming the Vietnamese were shooting the wounded. He could not take it.
He was one of the volunteers that went after the remaining soldiers.
Comment from Wendy G
Sad story, horrific that so many of your men were lost so tragically, but well told, with realism and authenticity. With wars, there are frequently no winners, and there is no lasting peace. I am glad you remember them each year. Best wishes for your excellent entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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Sad story, horrific that so many of your men were lost so tragically, but well told, with realism and authenticity. With wars, there are frequently no winners, and there is no lasting peace. I am glad you remember them each year. Best wishes for your excellent entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 14-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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Thank you so much for reading this emotional story. Your reply is so appreciated.
Comment from writer723
I really enjoyed reading your intriguing story. It drew me in and held my attention throughout. Your description of this scenario was quite thought-provoking and emotional. Your writing skills are excellent and you have a wonderful gift of expression.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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I really enjoyed reading your intriguing story. It drew me in and held my attention throughout. Your description of this scenario was quite thought-provoking and emotional. Your writing skills are excellent and you have a wonderful gift of expression.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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I can't begin to thank you enough for your kind words. I love writing, but suffer from a lack of confidence. My poor wife has to put up with my criticism of my writing. Feedback such as yours goes a long way to help reassure me that I can write.
Thank you again! You made my day!!!!
Comment from dellsworthpoet
This is a tight story. The pacing is fast. The descriptions are vivid. The dialogue is believable. The tale has an ending that smacks of reality.
Thanks for sharing. A good read.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2021
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This is a tight story. The pacing is fast. The descriptions are vivid. The dialogue is believable. The tale has an ending that smacks of reality.
Thanks for sharing. A good read.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2021
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Thank you very much for those kind words. I
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You are welcome.
