Revenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "In The Heat of Revenge"Evil stalks the dynamic crime team
29 total reviews
Comment from papa55mike
This story reminds me of the Mad Magician starring Vincent Price. He put the body of someone he murdered in a football bonfire. What a wonderfully written chapter. Best of luck with your book!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2021
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This story reminds me of the Mad Magician starring Vincent Price. He put the body of someone he murdered in a football bonfire. What a wonderfully written chapter. Best of luck with your book!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 14-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much... The body needed to appear as if it was someone else in order to fit into the revenge plan. Thanks for reading and I hope you will continue to follow the story.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from dmt1967
This is another great chapter and I was really on the edge of my seat. If I was to advise I would say it was a bit repetitive and words were overused in places. Thank you for sharing and take care.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2021
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This is another great chapter and I was really on the edge of my seat. If I was to advise I would say it was a bit repetitive and words were overused in places. Thank you for sharing and take care.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2021
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I'll have to go back and re-read and see what needs to be changed. i appreciate your comments and that you enjoyed the story.
Smiles, Carol
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It's Jackie.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a great beginning to your book. Your characters are interesting, although Vito doesn't seem too smart setting off exploding cans and drawing people's attention. Only one thing I see that you might want to change: "I'm still(ing) travelling . . ." Look forward to reading more of your story.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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This is a great beginning to your book. Your characters are interesting, although Vito doesn't seem too smart setting off exploding cans and drawing people's attention. Only one thing I see that you might want to change: "I'm still(ing) travelling . . ." Look forward to reading more of your story.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Thank you for taking the time to read, enjoy and review my story. It means a great deal to me and I truly appreciate it.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Your story certainly starts off with an explosive bang! Henry Pagani has no idea what he's gotten himself and his wife into, by inadvertently taking photos of the evil cover-up of a murderous plot.
Some suggestions for revisions:
Cars over-flowing with college students and friends ...
-->
Cars overflowing with college students and friends ...
The serene, family-friendly atmosphere offered the residents an income plus a fairytale setting to call home ...
-->
The serene, family-friendly atmosphere offered the residents an income plus a fairytale setting to call home, ...
The drunk, hysteric party-revelers screamed and ran for cover,
-->
The drunk, hysterical party-revelers screamed and ran for cover,
***
It's interesting that Vito and his accomplice didn't notice the camera flash going off, as Henry took his photos. If they knew, it could put the couple's lives in danger.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Your story certainly starts off with an explosive bang! Henry Pagani has no idea what he's gotten himself and his wife into, by inadvertently taking photos of the evil cover-up of a murderous plot.
Some suggestions for revisions:
Cars over-flowing with college students and friends ...
-->
Cars overflowing with college students and friends ...
The serene, family-friendly atmosphere offered the residents an income plus a fairytale setting to call home ...
-->
The serene, family-friendly atmosphere offered the residents an income plus a fairytale setting to call home, ...
The drunk, hysteric party-revelers screamed and ran for cover,
-->
The drunk, hysterical party-revelers screamed and ran for cover,
***
It's interesting that Vito and his accomplice didn't notice the camera flash going off, as Henry took his photos. If they knew, it could put the couple's lives in danger.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Thank you for taking the time to read, enjoy and review my story. It means a great deal to me and I truly appreciate it.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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You're doing such a great job with it, too -- very creative! Thanks for the smiles and hugs. May God bless you.
Love, Mary Kay xoxo
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Yes, I certainly am enjoying it.
Love and prayers, Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from dellsworthpoet
A nice start to what appears will be a marvelous story.
The pace is good. The dialogue is believable. The imagery is detailed. The background activity is written in words that burst with chaos.
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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A nice start to what appears will be a marvelous story.
The pace is good. The dialogue is believable. The imagery is detailed. The background activity is written in words that burst with chaos.
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Thank you for taking the time to read, enjoy and review my story. It means a great deal to me and I truly appreciate it.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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You are welcome.
Comment from pookietoo
I enjoyed reading this story. Keep up the great work writing them. I hope all is well with you. Enjoy the little things, Keep smiling. Have a wonderful night.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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I enjoyed reading this story. Keep up the great work writing them. I hope all is well with you. Enjoy the little things, Keep smiling. Have a wonderful night.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Thank you for taking the time to read, enjoy and review my story. It means a great deal to me and I truly appreciate it.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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Welcome.
Comment from Mary Shifman
Well, I'm coming into the story late, but this is certainly a great chapter. I was engaged the entire time I was reading. I kept expecting Henry to be caught by Vito and Charles. Are you going to be posting more?
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Well, I'm coming into the story late, but this is certainly a great chapter. I was engaged the entire time I was reading. I kept expecting Henry to be caught by Vito and Charles. Are you going to be posting more?
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Thank you for taking the time to read, enjoy and review my story. It means a great deal to me and I truly appreciate it.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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You are very welcome.
Comment from karenina
Well great! So glad you've stated us off on another wild and wooly journey--your ardent fans know we better strap ourselves in! This does not disappoint! So much occurring in so fast a turn of events! Grisly and eye opening detail. What we imagine is worse. Moretti's out for some serious revenge... I'm hyped and ready for another great ride!
Karenina
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Well great! So glad you've stated us off on another wild and wooly journey--your ardent fans know we better strap ourselves in! This does not disappoint! So much occurring in so fast a turn of events! Grisly and eye opening detail. What we imagine is worse. Moretti's out for some serious revenge... I'm hyped and ready for another great ride!
Karenina
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Forgive me please for my poor display of gratitude and appreciation. I truly am grateful for all your time, your review and your thoughtfulness. I'm struggling with life and I apologize for neglecting your efforts. I am weeks behind in responding so I must at least cut and paste a thank you and hope you understand. I am thrilled that you have taken the time to read my story and to enjoy it.
Smiles, hugs and much love for all the support.
Carol
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Hugs...
K
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, a chilling beginning of your new novel, and murder is committed right away. But unbeknown to Vito, it's all captured on camera, although the old man with the camera is not yet aware of what he really saw. Great stuff.
and I'm stilling traveling it. = and I'm still traveling it.
All best, Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Hi there, a chilling beginning of your new novel, and murder is committed right away. But unbeknown to Vito, it's all captured on camera, although the old man with the camera is not yet aware of what he really saw. Great stuff.
and I'm stilling traveling it. = and I'm still traveling it.
All best, Ulla:)))
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Thank you for taking the time to read, enjoy and review my story. It means a great deal to me and I truly appreciate it.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Giftedone.Eric Wallace .
Wow very inspiring I see how how it could be that you got recognized you're writing came alive thank you for sharing and taking the time stay creative and blessed have a beautiful
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Wow very inspiring I see how how it could be that you got recognized you're writing came alive thank you for sharing and taking the time stay creative and blessed have a beautiful
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Thank you for taking the time to read, enjoy and review my story. It means a great deal to me and I truly appreciate it.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
