Witness
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Home is Where the Heart Is"Modern struggle in another world.
6 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Another superb job, K. Such an emotional scene with Karsa and her father. I think I left a part of my heart with that last sentence: "I don't remember what he said as I left."
Here are a few observations, one minimal, one, I feel, not so"
The early morning breeze stirred at shredded ribbons of fabric that still clung like the streamers of a dead hope to the broken mannikins. [Great image, K. Your "mannikins", at least in the US is written either as "manikin" or "mannequin".
She sombered slightly, shadows crossing her mind. [Speaking of the mother, here, I assume. I wonder about point of view. Since you are using the first person omniscient, I have trouble having Karsa getting into her mother's mind. Shouldn't it be, "Shadows appearing to cross her mind." ? ]
What a fine writer you are!
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2021
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Another superb job, K. Such an emotional scene with Karsa and her father. I think I left a part of my heart with that last sentence: "I don't remember what he said as I left."
Here are a few observations, one minimal, one, I feel, not so"
The early morning breeze stirred at shredded ribbons of fabric that still clung like the streamers of a dead hope to the broken mannikins. [Great image, K. Your "mannikins", at least in the US is written either as "manikin" or "mannequin".
She sombered slightly, shadows crossing her mind. [Speaking of the mother, here, I assume. I wonder about point of view. Since you are using the first person omniscient, I have trouble having Karsa getting into her mother's mind. Shouldn't it be, "Shadows appearing to cross her mind." ? ]
What a fine writer you are!
Comment Written 10-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I went through and fixed what you saw. Definitely right on the second part, that the view slipped for a sentence. Thank you for giving any of this the time of day, I really appreciate it. Have a great day (or night) when you get this.
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You are very welcome, K. I gain more from reading your writing than you can ever gain from my words about it.
Comment from AJ McCall
WOW. The chapters are just getting more and more sorrowful and sad its compelling me to keep on reading, to know what happens. I just noticed that the type of tone you use to end it almost sounds like she narrating the past and this is leading up to where she is right now. I feel so bad for Karsa's family but please let it get better for them!!
K. Olsen, as always I love your description of your characters and of their surroundings. (I'm taking notes, lol.) I can't wait for the next chapter!! Hope you're doing well when you get this!
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2021
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WOW. The chapters are just getting more and more sorrowful and sad its compelling me to keep on reading, to know what happens. I just noticed that the type of tone you use to end it almost sounds like she narrating the past and this is leading up to where she is right now. I feel so bad for Karsa's family but please let it get better for them!!
K. Olsen, as always I love your description of your characters and of their surroundings. (I'm taking notes, lol.) I can't wait for the next chapter!! Hope you're doing well when you get this!
Comment Written 10-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I'm glad it's been compelling reading and I appreciate you giving it the time. I hope you have a good day (or night) when you get this.
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You're welcome K!! Always happy to read! Yes, I am currently having a wonderful night. I hope you are as well...;)
Comment from AnnieDawn
Wow. You really are very descriptive and put a lot of emotion into your writing that is felt by the reader as your chapter is read. I was impressed. I think this is the first time that I have reviewed your work and I find it very professional. Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2021
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Wow. You really are very descriptive and put a lot of emotion into your writing that is felt by the reader as your chapter is read. I was impressed. I think this is the first time that I have reviewed your work and I find it very professional. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it and I hope you have a great day (or night) when you get this.
Comment from AliMom
Excellent. A great peek into the home life and personality of an already awesome character. Her reactions and emotions make me love her and root for her even more. I like the exchange between her parents and her. I also like how you introduce the cantankerous Euanthe. Your female characters have heart. They are worth reading about. Thanks for continuing this fantastic saga.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2021
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Excellent. A great peek into the home life and personality of an already awesome character. Her reactions and emotions make me love her and root for her even more. I like the exchange between her parents and her. I also like how you introduce the cantankerous Euanthe. Your female characters have heart. They are worth reading about. Thanks for continuing this fantastic saga.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it and I hope you have a great day (or night) when you get this.
Comment from pookietoo
Wow, what a story. It cut onto my heart and soul. I enjoy writing stories too. Have a wonderful weekend. Keep writing great stories. Smile and enjoy your life.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2021
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Wow, what a story. It cut onto my heart and soul. I enjoy writing stories too. Have a wonderful weekend. Keep writing great stories. Smile and enjoy your life.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it and I hope you have a great day (or night) when you get this.
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Welcome.
Comment from Giftedone.Eric Wallace .
Great job it's very long great read you had me going then you lost me then you grabbed me right back again that is pretty good keep up the good work stay creative and blessed
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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Great job it's very long great read you had me going then you lost me then you grabbed me right back again that is pretty good keep up the good work stay creative and blessed
Comment Written 10-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate you giving it the time. Have a great day (or night) when you get this.
