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Viewing comments for Chapter 50 "Twists and Turns"With their call stalled, Liz & Linda begin walking
11 total reviews
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
I am enjoying reading of life's lessons and breathing and living the moments of each day, not creating anxiety or becoming overwhelmed when looking too far ahead.
Love the spiritual emphasis of the story; God always in the picture, assisting, guiding. As much so, I enjoy reading of the Native American spirituality.
Being ignorant, I look forward to reading further about Abe Lincoln and the Native Americans.
Great job!
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2021
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I am enjoying reading of life's lessons and breathing and living the moments of each day, not creating anxiety or becoming overwhelmed when looking too far ahead.
Love the spiritual emphasis of the story; God always in the picture, assisting, guiding. As much so, I enjoy reading of the Native American spirituality.
Being ignorant, I look forward to reading further about Abe Lincoln and the Native Americans.
Great job!
Comment Written 13-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2021
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Thank you for your appreciative review. Thank you for your compliments. I'm glad you are seeing the spiritual aspect.
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You ae so welcome.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
This snippet is interesting. Mostly it gives us some grounding in locale. We learn the car is not where they expected it. And now they are driving back to the garage.
The dialogue is believable. The language is appropriate. The flow is good.
My question is how does this forward the story? In such a small piece it is impossible to tell. It is a question you should always ask yourself.
Thanks for a good read.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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This snippet is interesting. Mostly it gives us some grounding in locale. We learn the car is not where they expected it. And now they are driving back to the garage.
The dialogue is believable. The language is appropriate. The flow is good.
My question is how does this forward the story? In such a small piece it is impossible to tell. It is a question you should always ask yourself.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. We are winding down with the chapters. I will get some more Native American facts in. As soon as we get the car, there will be one more chapter as they go their separate ways.
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You are welcome.
Comment from country ranch writer
Havingturned the car around to go livste her car maybe a blessing in disguise.They have come so far hopefully they will see it behind the garage. Soon as they give the man back his charger and get her stuff back.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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Havingturned the car around to go livste her car maybe a blessing in disguise.They have come so far hopefully they will see it behind the garage. Soon as they give the man back his charger and get her stuff back.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. Absolutely...You could have helped me write this...lol
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🤎
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is an interesting part of the story as they see something of God's hand in what is happening. It might be a little too much introspection as the reader is not told where they are or what they are doing. Walking? Riding in Tommy's vehicle? Or how close they are to the garage. Also, when someone thinks something, like Tommy trying to get them in a better mood, his words belong in the paragraph with the thinking part. There are also other places where I couldn't guess who was speaking because it had been separated from what they were thinking. Best of luck with this. I've found the more I write something over again, the better it becomes.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2021
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This is an interesting part of the story as they see something of God's hand in what is happening. It might be a little too much introspection as the reader is not told where they are or what they are doing. Walking? Riding in Tommy's vehicle? Or how close they are to the garage. Also, when someone thinks something, like Tommy trying to get them in a better mood, his words belong in the paragraph with the thinking part. There are also other places where I couldn't guess who was speaking because it had been separated from what they were thinking. Best of luck with this. I've found the more I write something over again, the better it becomes.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2021
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Thank you for your reviewing time. If you are going to only see my writing as a B, I wouldn't think it pleasurable enough to read. So if you do not find my writing pleasurable, no need to spend time reading it.
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I'm sorry you feel this way. My intent was only to be helpful as I appreciate others telling me helpful things about my writing.
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I appreciate your intentions. I hope only for 5 & 6's. To get a 4 doesn't help anyone. They don't count for anything so it just discourages.
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I've had fours and appreciated the advise and changed things. It's a learning experience. Also, you are philosophical but aren't as clear as usual about what is going on.
Comment from Mabaker12
Quite an exciting continuation of the girl's story. And insight into the Native way of life. Now it looks as if the car is stolen! They go back to the empty supermarket and the car that is there. Great read. Love u Anne
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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Quite an exciting continuation of the girl's story. And insight into the Native way of life. Now it looks as if the car is stolen! They go back to the empty supermarket and the car that is there. Great read. Love u Anne
Comment Written 10-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. The next was going to be near the end, but I got more messages from somewhere to write even more.
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Good it's too good to stop just yet.
Comment from aryr
This definitely was an interesting continuation chapter, Liz. I am so glad that they are going back to the garage and that they are all thinking the car that Liz's car was back there. Poor Liz was totally freaking out, despite Linda's and Tommy's efforts to calm her. It was a great idea to include Lincoln into their conversation. Great job and well enjoyed.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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This definitely was an interesting continuation chapter, Liz. I am so glad that they are going back to the garage and that they are all thinking the car that Liz's car was back there. Poor Liz was totally freaking out, despite Linda's and Tommy's efforts to calm her. It was a great idea to include Lincoln into their conversation. Great job and well enjoyed.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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I just heard about Lincoln a couple months ago...grrrrrr Some will find it difficult to believe
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You are so welcome Liz, it was surprising to me.
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So much of history has been hidden & distorted
Comment from Judy Lawless
I'm glad to see that they have finally decided to check out the car back at the garage. The girls have gotten themselves into a frenzy, but Tommy's smart thinking is helping. Now they have something else to think about.
One suggestion for cutting unnecessary parts to the story. Once Tommy said, "We don't need to see our entire path..." you had it re-said by everyone, in different ways. I think just a short agreement from the girls would be sufficient.
A few minor spags:
"I say we head back and see if it is yours." - You can end this sentence at 'see' since 'if it's yours' has already been said a couple of times. Best to avoid too much repetition.
We don't need to see our entire path to take the first step. - great sentence. The beginning quotation marks are missing though.
An important crow, who called herself Aandeg, helped me, for moments like this." - again, beginning quotation marks are missing.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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I'm glad to see that they have finally decided to check out the car back at the garage. The girls have gotten themselves into a frenzy, but Tommy's smart thinking is helping. Now they have something else to think about.
One suggestion for cutting unnecessary parts to the story. Once Tommy said, "We don't need to see our entire path..." you had it re-said by everyone, in different ways. I think just a short agreement from the girls would be sufficient.
A few minor spags:
"I say we head back and see if it is yours." - You can end this sentence at 'see' since 'if it's yours' has already been said a couple of times. Best to avoid too much repetition.
We don't need to see our entire path to take the first step. - great sentence. The beginning quotation marks are missing though.
An important crow, who called herself Aandeg, helped me, for moments like this." - again, beginning quotation marks are missing.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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Thank you for your invested review. I will take your observations into consideration.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Chapter 48 of the Fiction from the book Traffic speaks fantastically plethora of twists and turns, though ultimately their journey becomes a metaphor, in reality, it is further confirmed, in the story, that President Lincoln didn't do anything to the Native Americans; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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This Chapter 48 of the Fiction from the book Traffic speaks fantastically plethora of twists and turns, though ultimately their journey becomes a metaphor, in reality, it is further confirmed, in the story, that President Lincoln didn't do anything to the Native Americans; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 10-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. The next chapter will reveal what part in the misery of Native Americans, Lincoln participated.
Comment from Giftedone.Eric Wallace .
I once wrote twist and turns when will we learn I like your riding keep up the good work never give up stay creative right to your heart sets of fire thank you for sharing
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reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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I once wrote twist and turns when will we learn I like your riding keep up the good work never give up stay creative right to your heart sets of fire thank you for sharing
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. I like your saying.
Comment from pookietoo
A wonderful story, but did they find the abducted car? I enjoy writing stories too. Thanks for putting this story in several paragraphs. Have a wonderful weekend.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2021
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A wonderful story, but did they find the abducted car? I enjoy writing stories too. Thanks for putting this story in several paragraphs. Have a wonderful weekend.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. Welcome to my book. If you are interested, I wrote the first 13 chapters about us rescuing 10 Native teens. You are invited to read them. No need for any reviews. Just enjoy. You will find out in the next chapter that the car was outside the garage all along, repaired & ready to go.
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Welcome
