Witness
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Crossroads"Modern struggle in another world.
3 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
This is an astounding read, K. But you know that. You don't become as accomplished a writer as you are without putting in years of hard work in developing your craft. Your underlying depth of understanding of the human condition, the writer either has or doesn't. You were blessed with the former. Writing being the solitary endeavor it is, I think it's good to hear this from time to time. It helps keep the gas in the tank.
"We were hoping you could give my young friend here a lift to Helike, without her presence being remarked on." [K, I pasted this sentence here because this is the first reference of her gender in this chapter, and this is only my second chapter in your novel. I think it would help your reader just coming aboard to indicate Karsa's gender in the list of characters. I think I'm fairly representative of most readers in that I read a scene as a movie thrown on the screen of my mind. I like to know that the person acting there is either a young or old man or woman to close that loop and allow me to enjoy the play. (All that said, in probably too many words, I'll share my embarrassment with you: I didn't bother to read this chapter's one-sentence preface since I read last week's chapter. Had I done so ... Karsa's gender would indeed have been known.) LOL.
I am thoroughly enjoying this novel, K.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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This is an astounding read, K. But you know that. You don't become as accomplished a writer as you are without putting in years of hard work in developing your craft. Your underlying depth of understanding of the human condition, the writer either has or doesn't. You were blessed with the former. Writing being the solitary endeavor it is, I think it's good to hear this from time to time. It helps keep the gas in the tank.
"We were hoping you could give my young friend here a lift to Helike, without her presence being remarked on." [K, I pasted this sentence here because this is the first reference of her gender in this chapter, and this is only my second chapter in your novel. I think it would help your reader just coming aboard to indicate Karsa's gender in the list of characters. I think I'm fairly representative of most readers in that I read a scene as a movie thrown on the screen of my mind. I like to know that the person acting there is either a young or old man or woman to close that loop and allow me to enjoy the play. (All that said, in probably too many words, I'll share my embarrassment with you: I didn't bother to read this chapter's one-sentence preface since I read last week's chapter. Had I done so ... Karsa's gender would indeed have been known.) LOL.
I am thoroughly enjoying this novel, K.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! It?s been very cathartic to write, so I?m glad it?s coming out well. I hope I can keep it up and that you have a great day (or night) when you get this.
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You're welcome. I've got the next one in the queue to read today. I noticed in the "background" you wrote that she was returning to her HONE town. You probably tacked that on at the end and didn't edit it as closely as you obviously do the rest.
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Oops. Fixed. Thank you for spotting that.
Comment from AJ McCall
Wow, K. Olsen! You keep hitting it out of the park! The tension and emotions you manage to keep up are amazing. I love even the simple lines describing small things. Karsa and her friends are up against the world, literally. She has a tough choice to make, but I think she'll make a good one, for her sister. Can't wait until the next chapter!!
I hope you're doing well!
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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Wow, K. Olsen! You keep hitting it out of the park! The tension and emotions you manage to keep up are amazing. I love even the simple lines describing small things. Karsa and her friends are up against the world, literally. She has a tough choice to make, but I think she'll make a good one, for her sister. Can't wait until the next chapter!!
I hope you're doing well!
Comment Written 09-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate you giving it the time. Have a great day (or night) when you get this.
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You're welcome!!!
Comment from AliMom
Coming along very nicely. The fluidity with which you exhale stories is remarkable. This chapter is not as well written as the previous chapter but it connects well. Besides, readers might need a breather after the previous chapter. Still loving it.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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Coming along very nicely. The fluidity with which you exhale stories is remarkable. This chapter is not as well written as the previous chapter but it connects well. Besides, readers might need a breather after the previous chapter. Still loving it.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2021
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Thank you again for reading and reviewing. I?m sorry it dipped a bit in quality. A bit of a bridge chapter to be sure. I appreciate you reading and I hope you are doing well.
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It didn't dip in quality. It is a bridge chapter doing exactly what it is supposed to do. I'm well, thank you for asking.
