Christmas Presents Past
A memoir of Christmas Presents58 total reviews
Comment from Annette R.
Interesting story of happy memories and the ending gift to Zoe was a nice surprise. I had to re-read the sentence 'the sadness of quiet the last few years...' to get the meaning. Perhaps re-wording if you want to. All in all, an enjoyable read. Good job.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2021
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Interesting story of happy memories and the ending gift to Zoe was a nice surprise. I had to re-read the sentence 'the sadness of quiet the last few years...' to get the meaning. Perhaps re-wording if you want to. All in all, an enjoyable read. Good job.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2021
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Thank You very much! The Sadness of Quiet refers to a poem of the same name that I entered into the no rules poetry contest on Fanstory a few weeks ago. It was the first thing I ever entered into a writing contest, and it got a second. Take a look if you wish. Terry.
Comment from tfawcus
All of the characters that you describe in this come alive in the mind of the reader. I often feel when I read stories of this kind that there is greater happiness in just scraping by and making do than there is in having everything come easy. Mind you, there comes a time when having everything come easy has its attractions! Nicely written.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2021
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All of the characters that you describe in this come alive in the mind of the reader. I often feel when I read stories of this kind that there is greater happiness in just scraping by and making do than there is in having everything come easy. Mind you, there comes a time when having everything come easy has its attractions! Nicely written.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2021
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Thank You very much! Terry.
Comment from Jay Squires
You are certainly a fine storyteller, Terry. I felt like I was standing right beside you, throughout the whole thing ... and having the time of my life. I loved your parents. They reminded me a lot about my own. My sister and I felt truly gifted at Christmas time. The one sentence that left a lump in my throat was: "I was married to Zoe for 45 Christmases. The sadness of quiet the last few years never diminishes the joy of those times." I was left, I'm sure like the rest of the readers with the feeling, "There's more to be told there and I want to be here to hear it."
If I might tiptoe into a few suggestions:
"...but I certainly never knew that and especially at Christmas." ["...but I certainly never knew that {back then} and especially {not} at Christmas."]
My first memory must have been about six. ["My first memory must have been {at} about six." Without the "at" it seems like the period is misplaced, and that something should be following it, like, "must have been about six ponies in a field," or "... about six boys beating up on me." This is kinda iffy, but worth consideration, anyway.]
The Night before Christmas. [This should be italicized, or set apart in quotes ... with italics being the preferred method.
They were bright, each a different manufacturer, [ ... each {from} a different manufacturer.]
When she died we found the watches neatly packed, waiting for new batteries. [This is really nostalgic and touching. Without saying so, the reader sees how much your mother and father loved each other.]
On the day after Thanksgiving, the tree (and later trees) had to go up. [This sentence is written like you had more than one tree each Christmas.]
The man's job was put up the tree and do the lights. ["The man's job was {to} put up the tree..."]
A man does have one other responsibility get lots of great presents. [This is an oddly constructed sentence. To begin with, you need a colon after responsibility (or a comma and such as, "which is {to} get {his wife} a lot of presents. The way you have it written, he is the one getting the presents, (as in "receiving" them).]
Turns out, this was only a theory. It was dismissed as nagging. [Love your humor, your irony.]
Zoe spent $50 framing it, blew the whole budget idea. [... framing it {blowing} the whole budget idea. Either that or have a period after "it" and start a new sentence with "{It} blew the whole budget idea.]
Please don't think my suggestions above, have any bearing on my enjoyment of your story or your marvelous skills at holding your reader captive. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2021
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You are certainly a fine storyteller, Terry. I felt like I was standing right beside you, throughout the whole thing ... and having the time of my life. I loved your parents. They reminded me a lot about my own. My sister and I felt truly gifted at Christmas time. The one sentence that left a lump in my throat was: "I was married to Zoe for 45 Christmases. The sadness of quiet the last few years never diminishes the joy of those times." I was left, I'm sure like the rest of the readers with the feeling, "There's more to be told there and I want to be here to hear it."
If I might tiptoe into a few suggestions:
"...but I certainly never knew that and especially at Christmas." ["...but I certainly never knew that {back then} and especially {not} at Christmas."]
My first memory must have been about six. ["My first memory must have been {at} about six." Without the "at" it seems like the period is misplaced, and that something should be following it, like, "must have been about six ponies in a field," or "... about six boys beating up on me." This is kinda iffy, but worth consideration, anyway.]
The Night before Christmas. [This should be italicized, or set apart in quotes ... with italics being the preferred method.
They were bright, each a different manufacturer, [ ... each {from} a different manufacturer.]
When she died we found the watches neatly packed, waiting for new batteries. [This is really nostalgic and touching. Without saying so, the reader sees how much your mother and father loved each other.]
On the day after Thanksgiving, the tree (and later trees) had to go up. [This sentence is written like you had more than one tree each Christmas.]
The man's job was put up the tree and do the lights. ["The man's job was {to} put up the tree..."]
A man does have one other responsibility get lots of great presents. [This is an oddly constructed sentence. To begin with, you need a colon after responsibility (or a comma and such as, "which is {to} get {his wife} a lot of presents. The way you have it written, he is the one getting the presents, (as in "receiving" them).]
Turns out, this was only a theory. It was dismissed as nagging. [Love your humor, your irony.]
Zoe spent $50 framing it, blew the whole budget idea. [... framing it {blowing} the whole budget idea. Either that or have a period after "it" and start a new sentence with "{It} blew the whole budget idea.]
Please don't think my suggestions above, have any bearing on my enjoyment of your story or your marvelous skills at holding your reader captive. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the review and suggestions. I need all the help I can get. You did pick up on the fact that we did have more than one tree each year, usually six or more. Terry.
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So you did. I thought it needed clarification, but you actually had multiple trees! Amazing!
Comment from Mary Vigasin
I enjoyed and love your Christmas story. It is well-written and an enjoyable read.
My mom and dad never exchanged gifts to make sure us kids had a Christmas Just like your mom and dad.
For all the years of spending just $20.00 the Christmas bonus gift, brought her a rewarding shopping speed.
Well done.
Good luck in the contest.
Mary
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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I enjoyed and love your Christmas story. It is well-written and an enjoyable read.
My mom and dad never exchanged gifts to make sure us kids had a Christmas Just like your mom and dad.
For all the years of spending just $20.00 the Christmas bonus gift, brought her a rewarding shopping speed.
Well done.
Good luck in the contest.
Mary
Comment Written 03-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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Thank you, you are very kind. Terry.
Comment from RGstar
Nicely done. I really like reading personal stories in context to a period or thing.
This is no exception.
Nicely written and well delivered.
Interesting to read, I admired parts and smiled at others.
Nice to read.
Good luck with competition.
My best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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Nicely done. I really like reading personal stories in context to a period or thing.
This is no exception.
Nicely written and well delivered.
Interesting to read, I admired parts and smiled at others.
Nice to read.
Good luck with competition.
My best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 03-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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Thank You, you are very kind. Terry.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a delightful Christmas story which certainly earned that All Time Best award. Your mother and your bride were very different ladies and both approached Christmas with their own kind of delight.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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This is a delightful Christmas story which certainly earned that All Time Best award. Your mother and your bride were very different ladies and both approached Christmas with their own kind of delight.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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Thank you very much. Terry.
Comment from Anne Johnston
Your story is very well written. You have shared a lot of great memories of Christmas as a child and during your married life. We never had a lot growing up, but our parents always found a way to give us at least one present. Sounds like your wife really enjoyed Christmas. You must miss her.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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Your story is very well written. You have shared a lot of great memories of Christmas as a child and during your married life. We never had a lot growing up, but our parents always found a way to give us at least one present. Sounds like your wife really enjoyed Christmas. You must miss her.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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Thank you, you are very kind, and yes, I do!
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You are very welcome. Merry Christmas
Comment from jenintorre
I really enjoyed reading your Christmas story. It is beautifully written and gripped me throughout. I wish you lots of luck in the competition. Best wishes. Jen.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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I really enjoyed reading your Christmas story. It is beautifully written and gripped me throughout. I wish you lots of luck in the competition. Best wishes. Jen.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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Thank you very much!
Comment from prettybluebirds
I love your Christmas story. I came from a family of 12 and we lived on a fruit farm in Michigan. Mom often made our presents and we got one store-bought one. Your story is nicely done and I wish you all the best in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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I love your Christmas story. I came from a family of 12 and we lived on a fruit farm in Michigan. Mom often made our presents and we got one store-bought one. Your story is nicely done and I wish you all the best in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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Thank you, I am thinking you have a few great stories about growing up!
Comment from Susan Newell
This is a delightful story, both about the maturing of a boy and the evolutions (and devolutions) of Christmas gift giving. I enjoyed every bit of this "Christmases" story.
It was round about six or so feet across, -- I'd put a comma after "round"
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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This is a delightful story, both about the maturing of a boy and the evolutions (and devolutions) of Christmas gift giving. I enjoyed every bit of this "Christmases" story.
It was round about six or so feet across, -- I'd put a comma after "round"
Comment Written 03-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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Thank You, and I do appreciate your suggestion.
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You are very welcome.
