The Walkers
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "A Danger Never Seen Before"The Final Gabriel Hope Journey
17 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
That was something - a spiritual horror ? You did quite the graphic and detailed coverage of the battle with the demon, Garrote. I am glad that Michael is there to help the others. I feel like you also have an underlying theme about human trafficking both on a spiritual and a physical level.
One suggestion to re-word:
The twelve-year-old girl who her father sold to the Dealer
to
The twelve-year-old girl who was sold by her father to the Dealer
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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That was something - a spiritual horror ? You did quite the graphic and detailed coverage of the battle with the demon, Garrote. I am glad that Michael is there to help the others. I feel like you also have an underlying theme about human trafficking both on a spiritual and a physical level.
One suggestion to re-word:
The twelve-year-old girl who her father sold to the Dealer
to
The twelve-year-old girl who was sold by her father to the Dealer
Comment Written 14-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words, and help with this chapter. It's deeply appreciated!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Good story, one I've read part of before. You did a good job of updating the angels to modern times and mentioning the horrors of slavery. There are a few places with missing words: "Rise, is (this) the . . ." " . . . at least fifteen (feet, meters, etc) tall . . . " ". . . bead(y) red eyes . . ."
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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Good story, one I've read part of before. You did a good job of updating the angels to modern times and mentioning the horrors of slavery. There are a few places with missing words: "Rise, is (this) the . . ." " . . . at least fifteen (feet, meters, etc) tall . . . " ". . . bead(y) red eyes . . ."
Comment Written 13-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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Hi, Carol. Thank you for your kind words, and help with this chapter. It's deeply appreciated!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from estory
The mixture of spiritual and action adventure genres makes for a convoluted ride in this story. I think you have some great, colorful, vivid descriptions of the scenes and the demons, the angelic warriors like Clint Eastwood types battling Satan and his legions. The element of the young girls being made to mate with Satan, who appears here like some slick businessman in a polished suit, is very creepy. estory
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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The mixture of spiritual and action adventure genres makes for a convoluted ride in this story. I think you have some great, colorful, vivid descriptions of the scenes and the demons, the angelic warriors like Clint Eastwood types battling Satan and his legions. The element of the young girls being made to mate with Satan, who appears here like some slick businessman in a polished suit, is very creepy. estory
Comment Written 13-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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Hello, my friend. I like the Eastwood reference. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Ulla
Hi Mike, it's the first I've read of the story, and so far I like it. To me it's fantasy writing, but dealing with real problems. And people trafficking is a huge problem world wide. I'm looking forward to see where you're taking this. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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Hi Mike, it's the first I've read of the story, and so far I like it. To me it's fantasy writing, but dealing with real problems. And people trafficking is a huge problem world wide. I'm looking forward to see where you're taking this. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 13-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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Hi, Ulla. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from pookietoo
I loved reading this story. Keep up the great work writing stories. I hope all is well with you. Life is short so enjoy the little things. Keep smiling and best wishes.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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I loved reading this story. Keep up the great work writing stories. I hope all is well with you. Life is short so enjoy the little things. Keep smiling and best wishes.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2021
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Hi, Pookie. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Sherry Asbury
Quite unique and scintillating. Your characters are solid and believable This story puts me in mind of another writer here and I would swear you are he...excellent write.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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Quite unique and scintillating. Your characters are solid and believable This story puts me in mind of another writer here and I would swear you are he...excellent write.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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Hi, Sherry. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Giftedone.Eric Wallace .
My eyes kind of hurt to me it was a good read keep writing keep being creative see right and could be an outlet never forget you get what you give thank you for sharing again my friend
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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My eyes kind of hurt to me it was a good read keep writing keep being creative see right and could be an outlet never forget you get what you give thank you for sharing again my friend
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from dellsworthpoet
This reads a bit like a promo for a video game.
The pace is good. The flow is smooth. The dialogue is believable. The imagery is nice. The end is good in being not a full ending, but only an ending of this episode.
Suggestions:
"It's at least fifteen tall, and his black, rotund body fills the road." I think you meant fifteen feet tall.
"His bulbous head lowers, and beedie red eyes peer out from a scowling brow to study its prey." The term "beady eyes" means small, glittery eyes with some malice. I think of them like serpent eyes without obvious soul behind them.
With this story I think you could bump up the hyperbole a bit i.e. fiery eyes vs red. Also words like horrific, gory, gossamer (thin fabric, almost transparent ). Give it wow factor.
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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This reads a bit like a promo for a video game.
The pace is good. The flow is smooth. The dialogue is believable. The imagery is nice. The end is good in being not a full ending, but only an ending of this episode.
Suggestions:
"It's at least fifteen tall, and his black, rotund body fills the road." I think you meant fifteen feet tall.
"His bulbous head lowers, and beedie red eyes peer out from a scowling brow to study its prey." The term "beady eyes" means small, glittery eyes with some malice. I think of them like serpent eyes without obvious soul behind them.
With this story I think you could bump up the hyperbole a bit i.e. fiery eyes vs red. Also words like horrific, gory, gossamer (thin fabric, almost transparent ). Give it wow factor.
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words and help with this story!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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You are welcome.
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Thanks for the reviewing vote.
Comment from BethShelby
This band of walkers are planning to rescue the girls from the slave trade. I hope thay want be had to persuade to come away. There will likely be more battles to fight. You are creating an interesting story.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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This band of walkers are planning to rescue the girls from the slave trade. I hope thay want be had to persuade to come away. There will likely be more battles to fight. You are creating an interesting story.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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Hi, Beth. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment from royowen
This sounds like the stories of the Nephilim, angelic creatures from the heavenly realms that mated with women of the Earth, and created the likes of Goliath and his brothers, but faith guided David's stone and killed the enemy of Israel. Michael defeated the demon prince over Persia, delaying the prayer of Daniel. Well done, blessings Roy This beautifully written Mike, excellent job, blessings Roy
Typo : But the (Thurst) doesn't kill it. Thrust?
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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This sounds like the stories of the Nephilim, angelic creatures from the heavenly realms that mated with women of the Earth, and created the likes of Goliath and his brothers, but faith guided David's stone and killed the enemy of Israel. Michael defeated the demon prince over Persia, delaying the prayer of Daniel. Well done, blessings Roy This beautifully written Mike, excellent job, blessings Roy
Typo : But the (Thurst) doesn't kill it. Thrust?
Comment Written 11-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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Hi, Roy. Thank you for your kind words and help with this story!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Most welcome
