At River's Edge
A friend comes calling----30 total reviews
Comment from justafan
I could almost feel the breeze.
You have a gift my friend and I love your work. I wish you success in this contest :)
BRAVO!!
Always
Justafan of yours
MIssy
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2021
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I could almost feel the breeze.
You have a gift my friend and I love your work. I wish you success in this contest :)
BRAVO!!
Always
Justafan of yours
MIssy
Comment Written 30-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2021
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review. I appreciate it very much. Your kind words, stars and support are deeply valued by me.
Always, Carol
Comment from LJbutterfly
I enjoyed the "moonbeams" as the "night air kissed the water's surface," like "wispy gauze." I condensed it, but my point is, the imagery in your descriptions are captivating. I had a feeling that Bennie was imaginary, but the ending was a complete surprise...the handkerchief and, "I killed him." Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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I enjoyed the "moonbeams" as the "night air kissed the water's surface," like "wispy gauze." I condensed it, but my point is, the imagery in your descriptions are captivating. I had a feeling that Bennie was imaginary, but the ending was a complete surprise...the handkerchief and, "I killed him." Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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It was a surprise to me as well... It wasn't the story I started out to write, but that seems to be happening to me a lot of late. As for the description, it describes my favorite spot when I was a child, and I am fortunate to live there again. Thank you, Lorraine.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
What a beautifully rendered suspenceful story. You have creat a great imagery by your penchant for descriptive writing. terrific finish. A fine contender for the first place. Good luck!
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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What a beautifully rendered suspenceful story. You have creat a great imagery by your penchant for descriptive writing. terrific finish. A fine contender for the first place. Good luck!
Comment Written 30-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much for the kind words, Seshadri.
I truly appreciate that you enjoyed the story and for your kindness.
have a great day!
Comment from karenina
Your skill at descriptive passages proceeds you. Hence, I settled back enjoying the "wispy gauze" of mist...
You clever writer to start slowly and build!
Oh! A gentleman caller...
Ooops. He's faded away...
Carrie's imagination?
Maybe.
Wait! A Silk handkerchief...
Chills.
And...
CUE THE "MONEY SHOT" endng!
Great finessed entry for the contest.
Know what else is supetnatural?
Getting the inspiration for this story and then finding there's a contest ready and waiting for it!
I'm a devoted fan.
Oh, you knew that!
Karenina
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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Your skill at descriptive passages proceeds you. Hence, I settled back enjoying the "wispy gauze" of mist...
You clever writer to start slowly and build!
Oh! A gentleman caller...
Ooops. He's faded away...
Carrie's imagination?
Maybe.
Wait! A Silk handkerchief...
Chills.
And...
CUE THE "MONEY SHOT" endng!
Great finessed entry for the contest.
Know what else is supetnatural?
Getting the inspiration for this story and then finding there's a contest ready and waiting for it!
I'm a devoted fan.
Oh, you knew that!
Karenina
Comment Written 30-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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Good morning, sweet girl
I was headed in a different direct with this story and needed a bit more money to post, so I stopped and read Jan's supernatural post and she said it was for a contest. I looked and thought with a line or two of changing..it fit! I guess it was meant to be. Now I have to figure where i go with the other chapter I had half written. LOL
I am sure it will come to me... or at least I hope. This one just seemed right.
Hope you are well and I send my love as always.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
SSSSSStupendous. Stunning imagery, masterful misdirection makes the reader stunned by the ending. I peg this as a winner. Cheerssssss. LIZ
Stretching her legs, [the young woman=>SUGG: CARRIE] climbed off the rock,
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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SSSSSStupendous. Stunning imagery, masterful misdirection makes the reader stunned by the ending. I peg this as a winner. Cheerssssss. LIZ
Stretching her legs, [the young woman=>SUGG: CARRIE] climbed off the rock,
Comment Written 29-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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Amazing and greatly appreciated! Thank you so much for your kindness, stars and suggestions. Have a great day!
Comment from Susan Newell
Carol,
You've done a good job with this one. There is a nice balance of narrative and dialogue. You developed (undeserved?) sympathy for Carrie while building the suspense. Bennie was pretty sympathetic towards his murderer--which makes him an interesting character, and makes one wonder why she killed him.
Sue
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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Carol,
You've done a good job with this one. There is a nice balance of narrative and dialogue. You developed (undeserved?) sympathy for Carrie while building the suspense. Bennie was pretty sympathetic towards his murderer--which makes him an interesting character, and makes one wonder why she killed him.
Sue
Comment Written 29-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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It's wierd because as I was writing this (thought it while I was driving home) it was going to be the first chapter of a group of stories about The Visits. But then I saw the contest by accident and posted. Now I need to decide what to do with the other half written story...
Hugs, Carol
Comment from LisaMay
You set the scene beautifully with lyrical descriptions of the moon on the water. I'm pleased i didn't know it was a supernatural story to begin with as the introduction of the young man felt like a real encounter, so you kept the suspenseful drama until the end, when a ghost and a murder are revealed.
I think Bennie's ghost should've tied her to a rock and thrown her into the river. Plop!
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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You set the scene beautifully with lyrical descriptions of the moon on the water. I'm pleased i didn't know it was a supernatural story to begin with as the introduction of the young man felt like a real encounter, so you kept the suspenseful drama until the end, when a ghost and a murder are revealed.
I think Bennie's ghost should've tied her to a rock and thrown her into the river. Plop!
Comment Written 29-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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LOL Thank you Lisa.
It really wasn't going to be a supernatural story in the beginning, but then I realized I didn't have enough money to post so I started to read others. Jan's post for the contest popped up and I thought...hey if I change the ending a bit. Thus the story!
Thanks so much! Hugs, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
Wow, Carol. How well you set the scene, and, little by little setup your story line - till the inevitable but unforeseen twist at the end! Great work! Best wishes for your entry in the contest!!
Wendy
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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Wow, Carol. How well you set the scene, and, little by little setup your story line - till the inevitable but unforeseen twist at the end! Great work! Best wishes for your entry in the contest!!
Wendy
Comment Written 29-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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Thanks Wendy...
I was happy with the way it turned out...not exactly what it had started out to be...but my muse I guess had a different direction in mind. i am glad you enjoyed it.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
As always, your descriptive writing puts me in the moment, feeling the mist and knowing any minute something out of the ordinary is about to happen. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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As always, your descriptive writing puts me in the moment, feeling the mist and knowing any minute something out of the ordinary is about to happen. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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The setting is how I spent most of my childhood, sitting on the river bank, thinking or writing. It was my spot! Now years later, I am fortunate to be able to enjoy it again.
Hugs, Carol
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A river bank is a peaceful place where we can think, and no wonder you describe it so well. HUG!
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My favorite spot except for the ocean edge listening to the waves rushing to the shore.
Hugs, Carol
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We share the same thoughts. I was headed to live on the beach in Belize until I came to spend a week with my dad three years ago. Then, once he passed, I didn't have the heart to leave his widow alone, since he was the only family she had left. But, if I live long enough, I still hope to end up on a beach somewhere. I just keep replying to get another hug. LOL. Or give one. :-)
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YOU ARE THE BEST!
You even made me laugh and I was wondering if I could ever do that again. Thank you!
and we are a lot a like.... except you are worse then me. LOL
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You better be glad I'm worse than you: otherwise, you would be a bad girl. LOL. I'm glad we make each other smiles, even on those days when we don't have a lot to smile about. :-)
Comment from royowen
Hee hee, hah hah. I was wondering when it would get to thst part, although I wasn't sure that Benny was dead, but I guess he had to be if he vanished just llike that. Beautifully written Carol, it's as good an entry as you'll get, good luck, good job, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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Hee hee, hah hah. I was wondering when it would get to thst part, although I wasn't sure that Benny was dead, but I guess he had to be if he vanished just llike that. Beautifully written Carol, it's as good an entry as you'll get, good luck, good job, blessings Roy
Comment Written 29-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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Thanks Roy
The story started out to be something else, but it ended up where it wanted to be, I guess. I appreciate your kindness as always.
Carol
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Well done
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You are
