At River's Edge
A friend comes calling----30 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
Well, I got good news and bad news. The good news is that that girl says she can't see Bennie no more, but that doesn't mean he's gone. And no, darlin', that --ain't-- the bad news. The bad news is that them boys like that, the ones we gals did wrong somehow? They allus come back... Over and over. Till they're satisfied they got exactly what they think they deserved --or what they can be tricked into thinking is right fer 'em.
You tell that little girl she better be puttin' her thinkin' cap on. She's got work to do. Yes, ma'am.
Enjoyed! Congrats!!
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
  |
Carol,
Well, I got good news and bad news. The good news is that that girl says she can't see Bennie no more, but that doesn't mean he's gone. And no, darlin', that --ain't-- the bad news. The bad news is that them boys like that, the ones we gals did wrong somehow? They allus come back... Over and over. Till they're satisfied they got exactly what they think they deserved --or what they can be tricked into thinking is right fer 'em.
You tell that little girl she better be puttin' her thinkin' cap on. She's got work to do. Yes, ma'am.
Enjoyed! Congrats!!
Comment Written 02-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
-
Thanks so much for enjoying the silly story. I had fun writing it.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Jake P.
I love the detailed descriptions of the moonlight, rocky shore, and the girl. Poetic. I especially liked ' like rain on a dusty window.'
The writing is very clear, and the story is engaging.
To me, the twist ('I killed him') was a little too abrupt. Definitely unexpected, but if her musings on the rock at the beginning had shown a little grief and guilt, the ending might have been a little clearer.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
|
I love the detailed descriptions of the moonlight, rocky shore, and the girl. Poetic. I especially liked ' like rain on a dusty window.'
The writing is very clear, and the story is engaging.
To me, the twist ('I killed him') was a little too abrupt. Definitely unexpected, but if her musings on the rock at the beginning had shown a little grief and guilt, the ending might have been a little clearer.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
-
The story was limited but I hope that the idea came across. I appreciate your review and thoughts.
Smiles, CArol
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Carol,
Well, it seems like I'm late. You've already won this contest... Congratulations! It is a good story. The way I see it, Carrie was visited by Bennie's ghost. She had killed him... somehow... for some reason. He was a previous boyfriend. The only thing I wondered about was this line, "His soft tone turned to ice. "Is he intoxicated by it too?" " ... Who is "he"? That's a bit confusing for me.
I'm thinking Carrie killed Bennie a while ago ... weeks?... months? No one had suspected her. At least she wasn't charged with his death yet. Or, had they even found his body yet? Perhaps he's a missing person. And Carrie hid his body in the woods. Your story has us guessing. If it wasn't Bennie who visited her this night, and handed her the silk handkerchief, but a demon instead... only posing as Bennie... then it should have said: "Was he intoxicated by it too?" I think that idea is even more supernatural and scary than seeing Bennie's ghost. Spooky stuff, Carol. No wonder you won.
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
|
Hi Carol,
Well, it seems like I'm late. You've already won this contest... Congratulations! It is a good story. The way I see it, Carrie was visited by Bennie's ghost. She had killed him... somehow... for some reason. He was a previous boyfriend. The only thing I wondered about was this line, "His soft tone turned to ice. "Is he intoxicated by it too?" " ... Who is "he"? That's a bit confusing for me.
I'm thinking Carrie killed Bennie a while ago ... weeks?... months? No one had suspected her. At least she wasn't charged with his death yet. Or, had they even found his body yet? Perhaps he's a missing person. And Carrie hid his body in the woods. Your story has us guessing. If it wasn't Bennie who visited her this night, and handed her the silk handkerchief, but a demon instead... only posing as Bennie... then it should have said: "Was he intoxicated by it too?" I think that idea is even more supernatural and scary than seeing Bennie's ghost. Spooky stuff, Carol. No wonder you won.
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 02-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
-
Thank you so much for your kind review and your suggestions and thoughts. i truly appreciate it. And for the best wishes.
Smiles, CArol
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Wow, the twist in the tale here certainly gave me a shock at the end Carol. A well thought out and clever write and you drew me in at the beginning, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
|
Wow, the twist in the tale here certainly gave me a shock at the end Carol. A well thought out and clever write and you drew me in at the beginning, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 01-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
-
Thank you Dolly for taking the time to read my story and for the kind review. I appreciate it very much.
Smiles, CArol
Comment from pookietoo
A great supernatural story. I enjoyed reading this story. I wish you good time in this contest. Enjoy the little things that matter most. Smile, others will too.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
|
A great supernatural story. I enjoyed reading this story. I wish you good time in this contest. Enjoy the little things that matter most. Smile, others will too.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
-
Thanks so much for your kind words and the review.
Smiles, Carol
-
Welcome
Comment from chatterbox1
A calm, gentle pace leading up to an unwelcome encounter in the darkness. Well played. May she be forever plagued by his gentle haunting. Ghosts with silk handkerchiefs? Very convincing.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
|
A calm, gentle pace leading up to an unwelcome encounter in the darkness. Well played. May she be forever plagued by his gentle haunting. Ghosts with silk handkerchiefs? Very convincing.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
-
Thanks so much for your kind words and the review.
Smiles, CarolMy mother had the chemo shots
-
You are so welcome.
Were her shots easier than the IV? My doctor stopped my IV treatment as it was too hard on me. Two days later I was in a coma for four days. Shouldn't be alive, but a voice saying, "You're not done yet," woke me up.
That was 4 years ago. Still not sure what I'm supposed to do.
Comment from Mary Shifman
This is a spooky story. I had no idea what to expect when I was reading it. It was a shock when I realized that Carrie had actually killed Bennie so she knew he couldn't be there! Well done.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2021
|
This is a spooky story. I had no idea what to expect when I was reading it. It was a shock when I realized that Carrie had actually killed Bennie so she knew he couldn't be there! Well done.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2021
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review. I appreciate it very much.
Always, Carol
-
You are so welcome.
Comment from Bill Schott
This supernatural story, At River's Edge, is quite descriptive of the scene and the emotions felt here. Bennie and Carrie's relationship has come to both its tragic end and perhaps haunting beginning. Nice.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2021
|
This supernatural story, At River's Edge, is quite descriptive of the scene and the emotions felt here. Bennie and Carrie's relationship has come to both its tragic end and perhaps haunting beginning. Nice.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2021
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review. I appreciate it very much.
Always, Carol
Comment from Patty Palmer
This is a good story for the Supernatural contest. The ending was a surprise. It's well written and keeps the reader interested throughout the story. Great job!
Patty
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2021
|
This is a good story for the Supernatural contest. The ending was a surprise. It's well written and keeps the reader interested throughout the story. Great job!
Patty
Comment Written 01-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2021
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review. I appreciate it very much.
Always, Carol
Comment from lyenochka
That's a surprise - perhaps it's like the "telltale" handkerchief? Well told with strong verbs. You stirred all five senses in this short story and we are surprised to find out the character we were first drawn to, is actually a killer. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2021
|
That's a surprise - perhaps it's like the "telltale" handkerchief? Well told with strong verbs. You stirred all five senses in this short story and we are surprised to find out the character we were first drawn to, is actually a killer. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 30-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2021
-
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review. I appreciate it very much.
Always, Carol
