Reflections
Reflections of an old man26 total reviews
Comment from phill doran
Hello Irishauthorme,
This is an interesting, simple tale, easy for the reader to relate to and with plenty of backstory using the lightest gestures.
However, I think you could perhaps tighten this with just a bit more attention to your layout and the presentation; you have some 'nits' that may distract from the reading.
Others may add to this summary, but I've listed my immediate thoughts below my sign off. I mean no disrespect to your words, but formatting and presentation can detract from your writing, and yet they are easily managed.
I enjoyed the idea behind this sketch, and I wish you well with your continued writing.
Stay safe
cheers
phill
Bud Emmons was ninety--"two today - (remove the inverted comma)
Glenfiddish - Glenfiddich (ch)
There was three new - there were
Drivers license - I think should be Driver's or perhaps Drivers'
been along side you - alongside (one word)
scotch now so he was seeing double - I think you need a comma after 'now'
carrying a volley ball - volleyball (one word)
Long time resident - Long-time resident (hyphen)
I stopped you, Mr. Emmons? (needs closing speech inverted commas)
Whipper Snappers - lowercase and one word whippersnappers
German Shepherd - lower case 's' German shepherd
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reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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Hello Irishauthorme,
This is an interesting, simple tale, easy for the reader to relate to and with plenty of backstory using the lightest gestures.
However, I think you could perhaps tighten this with just a bit more attention to your layout and the presentation; you have some 'nits' that may distract from the reading.
Others may add to this summary, but I've listed my immediate thoughts below my sign off. I mean no disrespect to your words, but formatting and presentation can detract from your writing, and yet they are easily managed.
I enjoyed the idea behind this sketch, and I wish you well with your continued writing.
Stay safe
cheers
phill
Bud Emmons was ninety--"two today - (remove the inverted comma)
Glenfiddish - Glenfiddich (ch)
There was three new - there were
Drivers license - I think should be Driver's or perhaps Drivers'
been along side you - alongside (one word)
scotch now so he was seeing double - I think you need a comma after 'now'
carrying a volley ball - volleyball (one word)
Long time resident - Long-time resident (hyphen)
I stopped you, Mr. Emmons? (needs closing speech inverted commas)
Whipper Snappers - lowercase and one word whippersnappers
German Shepherd - lower case 's' German shepherd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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Hey Phil, hanks for the heads-up, made those changes and the story reads better.
irish
Comment from Richard Frohm
I thoroughly enjoyed this story. I don't believe it could have been written any better.
Your description of the new officer was perfect!
The ending was terrific!
A nice tribute to a respected officer.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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I thoroughly enjoyed this story. I don't believe it could have been written any better.
Your description of the new officer was perfect!
The ending was terrific!
A nice tribute to a respected officer.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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Thank you Richard, I am humbled by the stars!
irish
Comment from royowen
I suppose we all muse about our lives, particularly in our autumn years. The days past have been good, it's unlikely that i will die without successors as o have 5 young grandchildren, non old enough to marry. But it would be sad to leave no one behind, where's the legacy? Beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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I suppose we all muse about our lives, particularly in our autumn years. The days past have been good, it's unlikely that i will die without successors as o have 5 young grandchildren, non old enough to marry. But it would be sad to leave no one behind, where's the legacy? Beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Roy, for reading, your great review, and all the stars!
You are blessed to have a large family.
Cheers,
irish
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Thank you
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a very well-told story and a bit of a tear-jerker. Good job playing at the heartstrings. What a lovely way to die. The only problem I see is the quotation marks in his age, which I think was 92, or maybe not.
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This is a very well-told story and a bit of a tear-jerker. Good job playing at the heartstrings. What a lovely way to die. The only problem I see is the quotation marks in his age, which I think was 92, or maybe not.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
The art and story here, in this presentation, created viable imagery of what could possibly take place. Yet, we will not know until our time comes, how it will be. A reasonable ending.
Ralf
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The art and story here, in this presentation, created viable imagery of what could possibly take place. Yet, we will not know until our time comes, how it will be. A reasonable ending.
Ralf
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your story reads well though it is poignant I like the way you infused the past with the present. Yes, it is sad when there are no friends or family left to celebrate one's birthday. Your story is well though out with good flow.
Respectfully, Jan
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Your story reads well though it is poignant I like the way you infused the past with the present. Yes, it is sad when there are no friends or family left to celebrate one's birthday. Your story is well though out with good flow.
Respectfully, Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
