The Visit
A Writer's Helper49 total reviews
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Compelling and thought-provoking. Intriguing personification of muse--stunning ethereal imagery. Intense interaction and startling ending. Interesting piece!
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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Compelling and thought-provoking. Intriguing personification of muse--stunning ethereal imagery. Intense interaction and startling ending. Interesting piece!
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Elizabeth, for your kind review, and the stars! I believe everyone has a muse, whether they know it or not!
irish
Comment from DSchlosser
I'm finding a few things in this story that have stopped me while I've been reading.
At the top where you have the chapter or description of 'A Writers Helper', you should put an apostrophe in Writer's.
"Is it you cannot start the story?" This sentence might sound better adding 'that' between 'it' and 'you' in it.
"John, today you are dwelling too much on all those you have lost and that is holding you back." You're missing a comma after 'lost'.
She laughed again, "What do you think, John, can you not feel my hands? and you can call me Thalia, for want of a better name." In this piece of dialogue, you should end the first question at 'John', then start fresh with a capitalized can. Also, 'and' should be capitalized to start the next sentence.
-I would be replace by another muse." In this part of dialogue you'll want to add a 'd' at the end of replace.
"It's not a job, John, it is an assignment I voluteered for." Volunteered is missing an 'n' in this piece of dialogue.
"I do now, you were just a voice in my head for a while." In this piece of dialogue I would replace the comma with either a semicolon or a period.
'In the window, her image head lifted.' This sentence sounds a little odd with 'her image head'. You might say, "In the window, the image of her head lifted."
"Yes,"he thought and smiled- You need a space after the end quotation mark and he.
It's a good story, but you might get hammered on the items I had found after reading it. Maybe for some of us our Muse could be God, or a deity that others believe in. After all, most deities aim to push people to perfection and to have us live good lives, doing good for others and ourselves. Every time I hear someone say, "What would Jesus do?" It's similar to what this Muse, Thalia, is doing for the writer. Or it could be conscience too. That little person sitting on our shoulder telling us to get out of bed and just do something.
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reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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I'm finding a few things in this story that have stopped me while I've been reading.
At the top where you have the chapter or description of 'A Writers Helper', you should put an apostrophe in Writer's.
"Is it you cannot start the story?" This sentence might sound better adding 'that' between 'it' and 'you' in it.
"John, today you are dwelling too much on all those you have lost and that is holding you back." You're missing a comma after 'lost'.
She laughed again, "What do you think, John, can you not feel my hands? and you can call me Thalia, for want of a better name." In this piece of dialogue, you should end the first question at 'John', then start fresh with a capitalized can. Also, 'and' should be capitalized to start the next sentence.
-I would be replace by another muse." In this part of dialogue you'll want to add a 'd' at the end of replace.
"It's not a job, John, it is an assignment I voluteered for." Volunteered is missing an 'n' in this piece of dialogue.
"I do now, you were just a voice in my head for a while." In this piece of dialogue I would replace the comma with either a semicolon or a period.
'In the window, her image head lifted.' This sentence sounds a little odd with 'her image head'. You might say, "In the window, the image of her head lifted."
"Yes,"he thought and smiled- You need a space after the end quotation mark and he.
It's a good story, but you might get hammered on the items I had found after reading it. Maybe for some of us our Muse could be God, or a deity that others believe in. After all, most deities aim to push people to perfection and to have us live good lives, doing good for others and ourselves. Every time I hear someone say, "What would Jesus do?" It's similar to what this Muse, Thalia, is doing for the writer. Or it could be conscience too. That little person sitting on our shoulder telling us to get out of bed and just do something.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much for reading, and the heads up! made those changes.
irish
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with this little story. I enjoyed reading it. Your story has good progression and great attention to detail. I love the description of the muse. I like the positive ending, too. You give readers much to think about in their own lives.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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You did a great job with this little story. I enjoyed reading it. Your story has good progression and great attention to detail. I love the description of the muse. I like the positive ending, too. You give readers much to think about in their own lives.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Jan, I really appreciate your review, and all the stars!
irish
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is a compelling story about a writer facing writer's block. I'm sure many of us would like someone to float into our presence and give us great ideas for a novel, short story, poem, or script. I like that you've written a creative story that can resonate with the FanStory family. Well done.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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This is a compelling story about a writer facing writer's block. I'm sure many of us would like someone to float into our presence and give us great ideas for a novel, short story, poem, or script. I like that you've written a creative story that can resonate with the FanStory family. Well done.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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Thank you for reading, your great review, and all the stars! I think asll of us have had that moment when we sit and face the screen, have something to say, but just can't get it started.
Cheers,
irish
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
A fine story that rings true. How many of us converse with our inner soul while we are getting set to compose something. We often dig deep down into our sub-conscience and find a subject waiting to be rendered.
Ralf
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A fine story that rings true. How many of us converse with our inner soul while we are getting set to compose something. We often dig deep down into our sub-conscience and find a subject waiting to be rendered.
Ralf
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a really nice story. You caught my attention with her appearance and kept it involved with his needs and ultimately his inspiration. Wish this was non-fiction. I could use her help. Best of luck with this.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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This is a really nice story. You caught my attention with her appearance and kept it involved with his needs and ultimately his inspiration. Wish this was non-fiction. I could use her help. Best of luck with this.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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Thank you Carol! I really appreciate your comments, and all those stars! You might think I am just imagining, or tapping into my subconscious, but there is a lady who speaks to me in my dreams. She solves many of my writing problems. Is she real? I believe she is.
Who she is, I do not know. I get the impression she is someone I knew here that has passed over, but ???
I also believe everyone has a Muse, you judd have to find her.
Cheers, irish
Comment from RodG
An interesting story that has elements of the supernatural. One wonders if Thalia, in addition to being a muse, is an angel and why she was assigned him (and by whom?). We also wonder what great work he is destined to write.
Rod
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An interesting story that has elements of the supernatural. One wonders if Thalia, in addition to being a muse, is an angel and why she was assigned him (and by whom?). We also wonder what great work he is destined to write.
Rod
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
Comment from royowen
It sounds very much like you understand the process, writing is not some deep, mysterious happening, but more something thst inhabits all of us, we have a story to write, in fact countless ones, no limit to to the creative ability, after all we are made in God's image, if every grain of sand is different, that's how many stories are in me. Well done, blessings Roy
Typo : I would be replace(d) by another muse?
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It sounds very much like you understand the process, writing is not some deep, mysterious happening, but more something thst inhabits all of us, we have a story to write, in fact countless ones, no limit to to the creative ability, after all we are made in God's image, if every grain of sand is different, that's how many stories are in me. Well done, blessings Roy
Typo : I would be replace(d) by another muse?
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
Comment from Sherry Asbury
Grand writing. I think all of us know that stuck feeling - and the joy when it is gone. You wrote this beautifully...it gave me a lump in my throat and the beginning of a tear. Keep up the great work!
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reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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Grand writing. I think all of us know that stuck feeling - and the joy when it is gone. You wrote this beautifully...it gave me a lump in my throat and the beginning of a tear. Keep up the great work!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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Hi Sherry, thank you for reading, your kind review, and all the stars!
Cheers, irish
