It Saddens Me
Senryu contest entry3 total reviews
Comment from Mama Baer
Hehe, love this! Oh, I think many a poet has this same thought! And this illustration is divine! So crisp and clear. A perfect one-two punch for your contest entry! Sending best wishes your way!
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
  |
Hehe, love this! Oh, I think many a poet has this same thought! And this illustration is divine! So crisp and clear. A perfect one-two punch for your contest entry! Sending best wishes your way!
Comment Written 23-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
-
Thank you for the fantastic review, Mama. Yeah, I'm sure numerous people have this thought once in a while. lol I really appreciate the generous stars. I'm glad you liked this silly piece. Have yourself a great weekend.
Ron
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Great artwork and
nice presentation.
-The syllable count is good,
along with the topic.
-Good descriptive detail
and I love your question!!
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2021
|
-Great artwork and
nice presentation.
-The syllable count is good,
along with the topic.
-Good descriptive detail
and I love your question!!
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2021
-
Thank you for the great review and good luck wishes, Pam. I'm glad you liked this silly piece.
-
You are very welcome.
Comment from susand3022
Hello Author!
I'm giving this a 5 because it's so cute and funny... however, I'm kind of feeling the rhyme time in the last line of your Senryu... "Why are some this dumb?" I know it's a technical thing... 'dumb' doesn't rhyme with any of your other end words, but this last line is like a Dr. Seuss thing all on its own.
The other thing is that Japanese poetry doesn't use any punctuation except for strictly necessary... like apostrophes. Never quotes, commas, periods, (except in cases like Mr. or Mrs.) seldom caps. (except in cases of proper nouns)
It's been a long time since I've been here, writing and helping with poetry and writing. It's been a difficult year. I hope I don't come off sounding abrupt... if I do, I don't mean to... I may just be out of practice... do let me know if I need "gentling" (if I'm sounding like a bitch) lol I don't mean to.
Susan
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2021
|
Hello Author!
I'm giving this a 5 because it's so cute and funny... however, I'm kind of feeling the rhyme time in the last line of your Senryu... "Why are some this dumb?" I know it's a technical thing... 'dumb' doesn't rhyme with any of your other end words, but this last line is like a Dr. Seuss thing all on its own.
The other thing is that Japanese poetry doesn't use any punctuation except for strictly necessary... like apostrophes. Never quotes, commas, periods, (except in cases like Mr. or Mrs.) seldom caps. (except in cases of proper nouns)
It's been a long time since I've been here, writing and helping with poetry and writing. It's been a difficult year. I hope I don't come off sounding abrupt... if I do, I don't mean to... I may just be out of practice... do let me know if I need "gentling" (if I'm sounding like a bitch) lol I don't mean to.
Susan
Comment Written 21-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2021
-
Lol. You're not sounding like a B at all. Haha. The rhyme is all could muster up with only 5 syllables to work with for the last line. I would much rather have used 'people' but what can you do? Plus, I have no doubt you're correct about the punctuation with this short Japanese form as well. I'm sure glad I'm not writing this stupid piece in Japan. Boy, they'd have a hay-day with it then. Haha
Thank you for the great review and stars, Susan. Have yourself a fantastic night.
-
If you were writing it in Japanese, you wouldn't be using words at all!!! HA!
-
I know, right? LOL
