Witness
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Beginning of the End"Modern struggle in another world.
5 total reviews
Comment from royowen
What an awkward place to be, being the younger sister of a revolutionary, injured and needing to convalesce, she needs to probably rest up and heal, but that may we be a luxury she can't afford, but she has a good frien and a vet who has stitched her up. Beautifully written, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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What an awkward place to be, being the younger sister of a revolutionary, injured and needing to convalesce, she needs to probably rest up and heal, but that may we be a luxury she can't afford, but she has a good frien and a vet who has stitched her up. Beautifully written, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 23-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! I appreciate it. She?s definitely in an ugly position, but Karsa?s a tough one. I hope you have a great day!
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Well done
Comment from AliMom
As always great writing, great characterization, great scene description. How many of these are you writing simultaneously? You are a writing monster. (I mean that in a nice way). Keep writing. I'm waiting for the next chapter.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2021
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As always great writing, great characterization, great scene description. How many of these are you writing simultaneously? You are a writing monster. (I mean that in a nice way). Keep writing. I'm waiting for the next chapter.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! I have a few on the books, but I just finished one, which freed me up a little. I appreciate the compliment. Have a great day!
Comment from AJ McCall
You know, your story's setting is making me think of what's sort of happening in Afghanistan right now. Life inspires us, all doesn't sometimes? This chapter feels so real like I'm peeking into the life of someone in that country. Karsa and her family to be exact. Your writing as always is beautifully woven with reality and fiction. This is truly a touching chapter. I hope Karasa's sister is alright. Well, done K.!
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2021
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You know, your story's setting is making me think of what's sort of happening in Afghanistan right now. Life inspires us, all doesn't sometimes? This chapter feels so real like I'm peeking into the life of someone in that country. Karsa and her family to be exact. Your writing as always is beautifully woven with reality and fiction. This is truly a touching chapter. I hope Karasa's sister is alright. Well, done K.!
Comment Written 19-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it and I'm glad it feels close enough that you're getting a view into the characters' world. It's going to be a hard story to tell, but hopefully a worthwhile one. Have a great day!
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Aww, tou're welcome! You have a lovely day as well!
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Also, I posted the second chapter to my story. D you mind taking a look at it and giving me some tips? Thanks in advance!
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Will do, though I'm prepping for a lab exam this morning. Should be able to read and send you something this afternoon or evening.
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Okay, sounds good. I hope everything goes well with the exam! :)
Comment from dellsworthpoet
An interesting scene. The pace is okay. The words seem to fit the situation. The story moves fine.
My suggestions:
This whole scene is high tension and relatively fast action. This would be enhanced by shorter sentences. Think about it. Short sentences change the pace. It moves more quickly. It also is more one item each time. Like the flip cards of the mind.
His sigh of relief was audible, his clairá held close to his ear. "We've been so worried about you two."
Change of POV in this sentence. Suddenly we see a man who is only on the phone. Or does this devise also allow vision
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2021
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An interesting scene. The pace is okay. The words seem to fit the situation. The story moves fine.
My suggestions:
This whole scene is high tension and relatively fast action. This would be enhanced by shorter sentences. Think about it. Short sentences change the pace. It moves more quickly. It also is more one item each time. Like the flip cards of the mind.
His sigh of relief was audible, his clairá held close to his ear. "We've been so worried about you two."
Change of POV in this sentence. Suddenly we see a man who is only on the phone. Or does this devise also allow vision
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I'll take a look and see if I can shorten things up. I appreciate the feedback! Have a great day.
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You are welcome.
Comment from lancellot
A very sad and emotional chapter. When you live in a oppressive state, even the little things like water and the aid of vet is a blessing. Being on the run without power or rights and with fear a constant companion comes through very clear in this chapter.
Good work.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2021
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A very sad and emotional chapter. When you live in a oppressive state, even the little things like water and the aid of vet is a blessing. Being on the run without power or rights and with fear a constant companion comes through very clear in this chapter.
Good work.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I'm glad the desperation comes through. Definitely not an easy situation. Have a great day!
