Witness
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "We All Fall Down"Modern struggle in another world.
8 total reviews
Comment from BLACKTITANIUM86
Yes, there is a blessing that comes from every lesson.
And even when you describe catastrophy, things can
turn out okay. And you have the skill to paint a vivid picture
of it all. Keep Writing. And hope to see you stop by my spot
to enjoy some of my poetry.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2022
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Yes, there is a blessing that comes from every lesson.
And even when you describe catastrophy, things can
turn out okay. And you have the skill to paint a vivid picture
of it all. Keep Writing. And hope to see you stop by my spot
to enjoy some of my poetry.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2022
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Thank you again for reading and reviewing. I appreciate you giving my work your time. I hope you have an awesome day.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This chapter is particularly fine because of the style of writing. You are very skilled, and both the vocabulary and description were of an especially high level.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2022
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This chapter is particularly fine because of the style of writing. You are very skilled, and both the vocabulary and description were of an especially high level.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate you giving it your time. Have a wonderful day.
Comment from Sherry Asbury
Worthy of 6 stars if I had them. This was wonderfully readable...smooth with nothing to trip over or break the attention. You made it seem like a human story in a book. Let me offer up Stuart Woods as an example, or James Patterson.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2021
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Worthy of 6 stars if I had them. This was wonderfully readable...smooth with nothing to trip over or break the attention. You made it seem like a human story in a book. Let me offer up Stuart Woods as an example, or James Patterson.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I?m glad it came across well. It?s definitely meant to be a human story. I hope you have a wonderful day.
Comment from Word Junkie
Hello K. Olsen,
Wow, this was mesmerizing. The pace in this chapter is perfect, and the description is spot-on. This is an edge-of-your-seat, thoroughly enjoyable read.
I spotted a handful of things you might want to look at...
whirled around just before foot of the steps
I lacked the luxury of a face that is allowed it.
just another person working on to steal from death
I look forward to reading more of this story.
Have an excellent day,
~Lana
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2021
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Hello K. Olsen,
Wow, this was mesmerizing. The pace in this chapter is perfect, and the description is spot-on. This is an edge-of-your-seat, thoroughly enjoyable read.
I spotted a handful of things you might want to look at...
whirled around just before foot of the steps
I lacked the luxury of a face that is allowed it.
just another person working on to steal from death
I look forward to reading more of this story.
Have an excellent day,
~Lana
Comment Written 30-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I appreciate it and I hope you have a great day. I?ll take a look at what you highlighted.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Chapter of the Fantasy Fiction speaks thru a solid narrative thematic taletelling about a bombing and a loss of a world thru a concording plot development upon how they all fall down; fostered by dialogues realistic; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2021
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This Chapter of the Fantasy Fiction speaks thru a solid narrative thematic taletelling about a bombing and a loss of a world thru a concording plot development upon how they all fall down; fostered by dialogues realistic; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 03-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I appreciate it and I hope you have a good day.
Comment from Cristine22
You did very well with worldbuilding/giving the set-up information a little at a time and in a natural way. I loved the emotional transition between Karsa's happy pride for her family's store and the terror of the storm and running to save her sister. It flowed very well and kept me interested.
I had a hard time connecting with the characters in the first scene and had to read it twice to really understand what was happening. The connection between the worms in the mural and the Lathrai people didn't click for me until the second read-through, and I was confused by it. Overall, great job!
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2021
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You did very well with worldbuilding/giving the set-up information a little at a time and in a natural way. I loved the emotional transition between Karsa's happy pride for her family's store and the terror of the storm and running to save her sister. It flowed very well and kept me interested.
I had a hard time connecting with the characters in the first scene and had to read it twice to really understand what was happening. The connection between the worms in the mural and the Lathrai people didn't click for me until the second read-through, and I was confused by it. Overall, great job!
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I?m sorry it was confusing, I?ll have to look it over and see what I can change to clarify. I appreciate you giving it the time of day. Have a great day or night when you see this!
Comment from lancellot
This is a well written piece. I'm not an expert of things like comma placements and such, but the story of that chapter is good. I do wonder if you may not want to shorten it some. It takes time to read it and you have to read carefully not to miss anything. Maybe 1500 words a chapter.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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This is a well written piece. I'm not an expert of things like comma placements and such, but the story of that chapter is good. I do wonder if you may not want to shorten it some. It takes time to read it and you have to read carefully not to miss anything. Maybe 1500 words a chapter.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review. I'm sorry it was a bit long. I think from here out the chapter chunks should be at least a bit shorter than this. I hope you have a good day when you get this.
Comment from SHABAMO
The red sky, the temples in the skyline, the shouting and tension and so much more made this a pleasure to read. It was coherent throughout with a good mix of character development and visual stimulation.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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The red sky, the temples in the skyline, the shouting and tension and so much more made this a pleasure to read. It was coherent throughout with a good mix of character development and visual stimulation.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it and I hope you have a good day.
