Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 52 "Football Chapter 26 part 2"A mother faces life's struggles.
26 total reviews
Comment from Sanku
Mudslinger Frost has done his best to make Katherine cry. But The attorney Troy would see that the kids are not separated from the mother.Gabriel and Katherine make classy pair.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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Mudslinger Frost has done his best to make Katherine cry. But The attorney Troy would see that the kids are not separated from the mother.Gabriel and Katherine make classy pair.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Wendy G
Another well written chapter. personally I appreciate that they are both willing to wait, and develop from friendship to lasting love and (presumably) marriage before an intimate relationship. Both are level-headed. At this point the in-laws have no grounds for custody. Well written chapter, as they all are. Just "Should I go upstairs." needs a question mark.
Wendy
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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Another well written chapter. personally I appreciate that they are both willing to wait, and develop from friendship to lasting love and (presumably) marriage before an intimate relationship. Both are level-headed. At this point the in-laws have no grounds for custody. Well written chapter, as they all are. Just "Should I go upstairs." needs a question mark.
Wendy
Comment Written 13-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I can't believe this custody battle from the in-laws will work. Husband died but the wife and mother is still alive. Why do in-laws want the boys? I'm happy about the romance between Katherine and Gabriel. You write dialogues well.
Well done.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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I can't believe this custody battle from the in-laws will work. Husband died but the wife and mother is still alive. Why do in-laws want the boys? I'm happy about the romance between Katherine and Gabriel. You write dialogues well.
Well done.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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The in-laws want the boys for their trust fund. It's all about money.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
You nailed it--a masterpiece of dialog! Gripping, intense.
SUGG:
Katherine made Jordan comfortable on the couch before she
[suggested=>pref. SAID], "If it's all right, I think I'll shower and freshen up[?=>.]"
After the introduction, Jordan asked, "Coach, should I go upstairs[.=>?]"
ear full=>EARFUL
class=>CLASSY lady
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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You nailed it--a masterpiece of dialog! Gripping, intense.
SUGG:
Katherine made Jordan comfortable on the couch before she
[suggested=>pref. SAID], "If it's all right, I think I'll shower and freshen up[?=>.]"
After the introduction, Jordan asked, "Coach, should I go upstairs[.=>?]"
ear full=>EARFUL
class=>CLASSY lady
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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I made the changes. Thank you for the help.
Comment from lancellot
I think this will appeal to the senior audience you are aiming at. They will like that nothing sexual has happened or will (I'm guessing until marriage). Katherine's crying and Gabe's perfect kindness (after his horrible past of fornication for which is sorry for) will fit well with your demographic. Good idea of showing his regret.
Clearly, Katherine will keep her kids and win in court. I'm not even sure what the grounds for losing her kids are. But, I understand in 'This' world the sin of immorality is a like murder.
So, all is going according to plan. Keep at it.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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I think this will appeal to the senior audience you are aiming at. They will like that nothing sexual has happened or will (I'm guessing until marriage). Katherine's crying and Gabe's perfect kindness (after his horrible past of fornication for which is sorry for) will fit well with your demographic. Good idea of showing his regret.
Clearly, Katherine will keep her kids and win in court. I'm not even sure what the grounds for losing her kids are. But, I understand in 'This' world the sin of immorality is a like murder.
So, all is going according to plan. Keep at it.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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Thank you for the kind review. I knew a person in a similar situation, her mother-in-law attempted to take the grandkids on the grounds that the mom would have to work and the kids would go to a day care so would be better of with a loving grandma. The court ruled in the mom's favor. The grandma also mentioned the possibility of her dating and it not having a positive effect on kids. The mom wasn't dating anybody at the time.
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Precisely, in our world where parents abuse, sell drugs, are single mothers with eight kids on welfare living in the hood, ex-convicts, where the kids run the streets of cities getting arrested, convicted of robbery, shooting, gangs, and so on. And the parents never lose custody.
There is no fear of Kate losing her kids (no drama). Unless, there is something that tells the readers (Not FanStory readers), 'this' world is not your world. At this point no realistic reason is given.
I'm only suggesting something for when you are done here and looking to publish.
Comment from Ric Myworld
You have so many listed characters that I'm not sure I'll ever be able to remember them. But thankfully, you don't throw them at me all at once. LOL. These kind and considerate chapters are my favorites. I just don't see that much of it anymore. :-) Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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You have so many listed characters that I'm not sure I'll ever be able to remember them. But thankfully, you don't throw them at me all at once. LOL. These kind and considerate chapters are my favorites. I just don't see that much of it anymore. :-) Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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Thank you for the kind review. I've considered removing characters from beginning chapters but haven't done it.
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There's no reason to remove them. Most people who read from the beginning as I have, never read the list of characters. LOL
Comment from Ben Colder
Wow! To save the issue, it would be better if the couple waited until marriage. That way, it would be wholesome, and real happiness would follow. The boys would respect him more.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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Wow! To save the issue, it would be better if the couple waited until marriage. That way, it would be wholesome, and real happiness would follow. The boys would respect him more.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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I can promise it will remain wholesome. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This chapter has brought everything to the surface, Barbara. It was painful for Katherine to hear the bad stuff being said about her, but now Gabriel knows the lawyer believes them. Ending the chapter with the bit of humour about having sex was great.
A couple of little typos: "From what (the) he told us, they went through the money..."
"She stood, "Excuse me," (then?)ran to her bedroom, and slammed the door."
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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This chapter has brought everything to the surface, Barbara. It was painful for Katherine to hear the bad stuff being said about her, but now Gabriel knows the lawyer believes them. Ending the chapter with the bit of humour about having sex was great.
A couple of little typos: "From what (the) he told us, they went through the money..."
"She stood, "Excuse me," (then?)ran to her bedroom, and slammed the door."
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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I made the changes. Thank you for the help.
Comment from nomi338
I love the way this story is going. There may be some who think they are moving too fast. My relationship with my wife moved pretty much the same way this relationship is going. My wife's mother thought that I would be too involved with trying to get into the entertainment business to be a good husband. We have been married for 48 years, never separated. We have both retired form our civil service jobs and are totally enjoying retirement.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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I love the way this story is going. There may be some who think they are moving too fast. My relationship with my wife moved pretty much the same way this relationship is going. My wife's mother thought that I would be too involved with trying to get into the entertainment business to be a good husband. We have been married for 48 years, never separated. We have both retired form our civil service jobs and are totally enjoying retirement.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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I am glad you shared your story. A couple young'un mentioned they want the couple to jump into bed, I disagree with that until married. It's just me.
Comment from Ulla
Awe,this is just too sweet, Barbara. I love the story and Gabriel is a wonderful bloke. It's very well written and it really shows the small mindedness of everyone around them. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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Awe,this is just too sweet, Barbara. I love the story and Gabriel is a wonderful bloke. It's very well written and it really shows the small mindedness of everyone around them. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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Thank you for the kind review. and generosity.
