Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 51 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 51"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
21 total reviews
Comment from Leann DS
Whoot whoot! They are going to go down! :-)
I'm not positive, but I think Peyton's place should B a possessive with an apostrophe S.
"This sleepy town's a real Peyton Place." The sheriff shook his head. "If you know all this, why haven't you arrested Mason Caldwell?" The sheriff scowled at Garth.
I have 10 more chapters to go, so I'll talk to you later. Hugs.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
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Whoot whoot! They are going to go down! :-)
I'm not positive, but I think Peyton's place should B a possessive with an apostrophe S.
"This sleepy town's a real Peyton Place." The sheriff shook his head. "If you know all this, why haven't you arrested Mason Caldwell?" The sheriff scowled at Garth.
I have 10 more chapters to go, so I'll talk to you later. Hugs.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
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Oh I am so glad you are back because I am posting the ending tomorrow. I am scared to death how it will be accepted, but I think it's the best book I have ever written and I've got a follow-up Book 4 brewing right now.
Peyton Place was the name of a movie where secrets and evil were everyone's middle name.
You are about to jump on board for a wild ride... Hang on tight!
Love ya, Carol
Comment from pookietoo
Wonderful story. Keep and sharing your thoughts with us. I enjoyed reading this story. Keep smiling and sharing. Good luck to you always. Thanks again
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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Wonderful story. Keep and sharing your thoughts with us. I enjoyed reading this story. Keep smiling and sharing. Good luck to you always. Thanks again
Comment Written 16-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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Thank you for stopping by to read and comment on my story. Your time and words are greatly appreciated.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
Rats. Man, they were right on Miguel's tail. Those silly motorcycles goofed things up. Rats, rats, rats. But I do love the fact that our little girl is such a fighter - her mom and grandmom would be so proud. She certainly does NOT take after her aunt.
Notes, if I may:
1.) flowed across the door jamb and (left) several inches on the floor
--> keep your verbs the same
2.) The agents pulled their vehicle off the side of the road
--> can you make it more clear right off that these are additional agents following in a second car?
3.) Doctors and RNs (assessed) the level of trauma
4.) "You're not getting the full picture, (S)Sheriff.
Thanks - and moving on!
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Carol,
Rats. Man, they were right on Miguel's tail. Those silly motorcycles goofed things up. Rats, rats, rats. But I do love the fact that our little girl is such a fighter - her mom and grandmom would be so proud. She certainly does NOT take after her aunt.
Notes, if I may:
1.) flowed across the door jamb and (left) several inches on the floor
--> keep your verbs the same
2.) The agents pulled their vehicle off the side of the road
--> can you make it more clear right off that these are additional agents following in a second car?
3.) Doctors and RNs (assessed) the level of trauma
4.) "You're not getting the full picture, (S)Sheriff.
Thanks - and moving on!
Comment Written 14-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Thank you for your eagle eye with my errors...Fixed except for #2.
When Mary is screaming at the church and Hank is taking off after Miguel I wrote:
Two unsuspecting agents dropped their coffee as they exited the café across the street. Unlike a movie, the scene unfolding was chaotic, not in slow motion. As they rushed toward the hysterical woman screaming and pointing down the road, Mary yelled, "The kidnappers have my granddaughter. Hank Armato is chasing them in his blue Mercedes."
Both agents made a u-turn, racing to their vehicle. Their tires left a streak of rubber as they followed in pursuit, notifying Garth as they chased Hank.
did you think I needed more than information than that?
Smiles, Carol
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I just always like 'stupid-friendly'. If you make things as clear as possible, the reader never has to stop reading to pause and think or wonder or go back and look to catch up. Anything that can possibly stop their 'flow' is a danger in my eyes. If you're happy with it, then don't worry.
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I just don't know where I would add it again. They started at the beginning of the chase and ended catching up with Hank. Help me out here!!!
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IF you were to add something - which is up to you, because I do understand that when someone is reading this in one sitting it might be completely different. On the other hand, you switch scenes a lot - so it's not like you left straight with them from the church and came straight here - right?
Anyway, I might relate something along the lines of:
The agents in the car/sedan/SUV following Hank were also forced to take evasive action by the surprise appearance of the bikers, though they managed to stop on the other side of the rough gravel road - or some such.
Comment from karenina
Okay.... The chase scene was believable and exciting. Annie wad a little spitcfre! (Loved that)--- the pieces are coming together and Mason should be drawn and quartered! I have a hunch you won't kill off SINthia or Jon... Now Miguel? He's got some explaining to do!
Onward!
Karenina
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Okay.... The chase scene was believable and exciting. Annie wad a little spitcfre! (Loved that)--- the pieces are coming together and Mason should be drawn and quartered! I have a hunch you won't kill off SINthia or Jon... Now Miguel? He's got some explaining to do!
Onward!
Karenina
Comment Written 14-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Miguel is in the cabin with a gunshot wound to his leg so he can't travel very well. Tito wants to "dump" Annie and escape. Not sure how this is going to unfold.
I loved Hank in the swampy water. LOL
Smiles, Carol
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Hah! SO now that I've read more turns out Miguel stopped his bloodthirsty compadre from killing Annie! My hunch was so wrong! You DID kill off Jon..(though I'm wishing he left a letter or a will or something, because that's so me to want some atonement for his behavior! I'm second guessing myself now...SINthia is in a coma, right? Maybe she will slip away? I give up! I'll wait to see!
Karenina
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Law enforcement is getting closer to cracking open this whole case! They're suspecting Liz and her deceased husband Jack in addition to the guilty ones, but I just know the McKinleys weren't/aren't guilty.
There's a long list of suggested changes, but most of them have to do with capitalizing "Sheriff," so it's not as much as what it looks like:
We've got a chance if he doesn't see which way we went."
-->
We've got a chance if he doesn't see which way we go."
but now he had the advantage as he gunned the Land Rover across the bridge.
-->
but now he had the advantage, as he gunned the Land Rover across the bridge.
brown murky river water flowed across the door jamb and leaving several inches on the floor covering his shoes.
-->
brown murky river water flowed across the door jamb and left several inches on the floor, covering his shoes.
Doctors and RNs accessed the level of trauma and need for care ...
-->
Doctors and RNs assessed the level of trauma and need for care ...
The sheriff and his officers teamed with Garth's FBI unit ...
-->
The Sheriff and his officers teamed with Garth's FBI unit, ... [you capitalized "Sheriff" once, so I guess it should be consistent?]
The sheriff ran his fingers through his hair ...
-->
The Sheriff ran his fingers through his hair ...
The sheriff walked over to the stack of barrels ...
-->
The Sheriff walked over to the stack of barrels ...
"Human Trafficking?
-->
"Human trafficking?
The sheriff kept shaking his head in disbelief.
-->
The Sheriff kept shaking his head in disbelief.
The sheriff looked at the fire investigator ...
-->
The Sheriff looked at the fire investigator ...
"You're not getting the full picture, sheriff.
-->
"You're not getting the full picture, Sheriff.
Both the sheriff and the fire investigator whistled their surprise.
-->
Both the Sheriff and the fire investigator whistled their surprise.
The sheriff walked away and stared at the charred beams.
-->
The Sheriff walked away and stared at the charred beams.
[I could just suggest capitalizing each instance of "Sheriff," but this saves you the trouble of looking for them... unless you change your mind about capitalizing "Sheriff"]
The sheriff shook his head.
-->
The Sheriff shook his head.
The sheriff scowled at Garth.
-->
The Sheriff scowled at Garth.
***
Annie sure is a feisty child. I don't think you're going to let them kill her. But you've still managed to create a lot of suspense, in that car with her!
I've never even owned a car, much less a Mercedes, and I still feel sorry for Hank!
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Law enforcement is getting closer to cracking open this whole case! They're suspecting Liz and her deceased husband Jack in addition to the guilty ones, but I just know the McKinleys weren't/aren't guilty.
There's a long list of suggested changes, but most of them have to do with capitalizing "Sheriff," so it's not as much as what it looks like:
We've got a chance if he doesn't see which way we went."
-->
We've got a chance if he doesn't see which way we go."
but now he had the advantage as he gunned the Land Rover across the bridge.
-->
but now he had the advantage, as he gunned the Land Rover across the bridge.
brown murky river water flowed across the door jamb and leaving several inches on the floor covering his shoes.
-->
brown murky river water flowed across the door jamb and left several inches on the floor, covering his shoes.
Doctors and RNs accessed the level of trauma and need for care ...
-->
Doctors and RNs assessed the level of trauma and need for care ...
The sheriff and his officers teamed with Garth's FBI unit ...
-->
The Sheriff and his officers teamed with Garth's FBI unit, ... [you capitalized "Sheriff" once, so I guess it should be consistent?]
The sheriff ran his fingers through his hair ...
-->
The Sheriff ran his fingers through his hair ...
The sheriff walked over to the stack of barrels ...
-->
The Sheriff walked over to the stack of barrels ...
"Human Trafficking?
-->
"Human trafficking?
The sheriff kept shaking his head in disbelief.
-->
The Sheriff kept shaking his head in disbelief.
The sheriff looked at the fire investigator ...
-->
The Sheriff looked at the fire investigator ...
"You're not getting the full picture, sheriff.
-->
"You're not getting the full picture, Sheriff.
Both the sheriff and the fire investigator whistled their surprise.
-->
Both the Sheriff and the fire investigator whistled their surprise.
The sheriff walked away and stared at the charred beams.
-->
The Sheriff walked away and stared at the charred beams.
[I could just suggest capitalizing each instance of "Sheriff," but this saves you the trouble of looking for them... unless you change your mind about capitalizing "Sheriff"]
The sheriff shook his head.
-->
The Sheriff shook his head.
The sheriff scowled at Garth.
-->
The Sheriff scowled at Garth.
***
Annie sure is a feisty child. I don't think you're going to let them kill her. But you've still managed to create a lot of suspense, in that car with her!
I've never even owned a car, much less a Mercedes, and I still feel sorry for Hank!
Comment Written 14-Sep-2021
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Hank's mishap interrupts what could have been the capture of Miguel and the safe return of Annie. So, Garth and Hank pretty well know what's going on, they just have to prove it. Meanwhile, poor Annie is still kidnapped.
Ralf
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Hank's mishap interrupts what could have been the capture of Miguel and the safe return of Annie. So, Garth and Hank pretty well know what's going on, they just have to prove it. Meanwhile, poor Annie is still kidnapped.
Ralf
Comment Written 13-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Yes, it's getting that proof to make a case stick...that's the hard part. Annie is a fighter and she's giving her captors a run for their money. LOL Hopefully Tito won't decide to get rid of hurry.
Smiles, CArol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was a good chapter, Carol, you are knitting all the ends together and hopefully, they will soon find Annie. I'm glad the imigrants were saved and they seem to be doing alright. What about Cynthia, I really hated her, but she was just a greedy foolish woman, and has been given her reward for being with Mason, now she has to survive and tell the team exactly what's been going on. Well done, my friend!! :)) Sandraxx
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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That was a good chapter, Carol, you are knitting all the ends together and hopefully, they will soon find Annie. I'm glad the imigrants were saved and they seem to be doing alright. What about Cynthia, I really hated her, but she was just a greedy foolish woman, and has been given her reward for being with Mason, now she has to survive and tell the team exactly what's been going on. Well done, my friend!! :)) Sandraxx
Comment Written 13-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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I can't decided really... She is unconscious with a skull fracture. I can bring her back to talk or catching Miguel will tell the truth about Mason as well. I'm not to forgiving to SINthia! LOL
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
Interesting chapter. Looks like it is difficult to catch Miguel as he seems to have 'smeared himself with oil' as we say here, meaning slippery.:) But crime doesn't pay and especially in drug-related and trafficking people! Annie is brave, but not yet out of danger. Things have picked up the pace I think. Good going!
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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Interesting chapter. Looks like it is difficult to catch Miguel as he seems to have 'smeared himself with oil' as we say here, meaning slippery.:) But crime doesn't pay and especially in drug-related and trafficking people! Annie is brave, but not yet out of danger. Things have picked up the pace I think. Good going!
Comment Written 13-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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He's slippery but I think his days are numbered as well. I hope the good guys swoop in and save Annie, but one never knows what really will happen.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Patty Palmer
Now we're getting somewhere. They're on the right track. I'm glad to see that Annie is okay for the moment. I just hope she doesn't do something that the thugs will kill her over! Great story!
Patty
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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Now we're getting somewhere. They're on the right track. I'm glad to see that Annie is okay for the moment. I just hope she doesn't do something that the thugs will kill her over! Great story!
Patty
Comment Written 13-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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She's a little girl but she sure will fight to save her life. I know Tito has no love lost for Annie, but Miguel might have a tiny soft spot. WE shall see!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
So near and yet so far. He was within a whisker of rescuing Annie. Now Miguel has got away again. But the net is tightening, and the villains are not going to be able to get away with trafficking people and drugs for much longer. Always interesting. You always stop at the best point to keep us on edge. Well done.
Wendy
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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So near and yet so far. He was within a whisker of rescuing Annie. Now Miguel has got away again. But the net is tightening, and the villains are not going to be able to get away with trafficking people and drugs for much longer. Always interesting. You always stop at the best point to keep us on edge. Well done.
Wendy
Comment Written 13-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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I am glad to hear I leave you wanting more! Music to my ears! I hope you will like the chapter I just posted.... it's another gut wrenching one I think.
Smiles, Carol