Jessica's Year of Seeing Nature
There are so many beautiful things46 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading and agree we need to pause and enjoy all the wonderful things God has provided for us. Good luck with the contest.
The Jensen family had a dear neighbor named Mrs. Thomas. (The paragraph that begins like this is extremely long. See if you can't divide it. It's called eye candy and the reader looks at it and immediately says
'Too long' and doesn't give it chance. Just a suggestion.)
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading and agree we need to pause and enjoy all the wonderful things God has provided for us. Good luck with the contest.
The Jensen family had a dear neighbor named Mrs. Thomas. (The paragraph that begins like this is extremely long. See if you can't divide it. It's called eye candy and the reader looks at it and immediately says
'Too long' and doesn't give it chance. Just a suggestion.)
Comment Written 10-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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Okay, thank you. Do you know how to write a poem for a child? That is what it says for the children's rhyming poem contest. I know how to write a poem to a child and about a child.
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Children's poetry is very hard, because you need to keep an eye on the words, depending what age group you're writing for. I am not a Poet. I write prose. I just enjoy reading poetry.
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ok
Comment from Midi O'Rourke
Well written detailed description of a little girl discovering nature. She sounds exceptional. You need to edit the title - you misspelled Nature in the title.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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Well written detailed description of a little girl discovering nature. She sounds exceptional. You need to edit the title - you misspelled Nature in the title.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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It won't let me put the letter e in the title.
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Change the title Jessica's Year of SEEING nature and see if that fits.
Comment from lancellot
Is this a nice narration. I would only caution you about telling a story and immersing the reader into a story, by showing them and interaction. Also, I would watch the unneeded repetition of words and adjectives. (beautiful)
I believe that God created this beautiful {earth} and everything on it.
-Earth, proper name.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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Is this a nice narration. I would only caution you about telling a story and immersing the reader into a story, by showing them and interaction. Also, I would watch the unneeded repetition of words and adjectives. (beautiful)
I believe that God created this beautiful {earth} and everything on it.
-Earth, proper name.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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Thanks very much!
Comment from royowen
When I entered into an understanding of who Christ was at the late age of 41, I saw the sunset for the first time, and I could understand that God was there all the time, and this universe was created for the apple of His eye, such love denies us nothing, beautifully written, a wonderful entry in this contest, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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When I entered into an understanding of who Christ was at the late age of 41, I saw the sunset for the first time, and I could understand that God was there all the time, and this universe was created for the apple of His eye, such love denies us nothing, beautifully written, a wonderful entry in this contest, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 09-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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Thanks so much!
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Thanks so much!
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Welcome
Comment from Versch
There's nothing worth believing than nature itself, for it never lies. Its beauty is breathtaking. Without nature we would be lost and I can't imagine what life would be without nature. Everything would be dull, no color, no life and humanity would not even exist. Fantastic story!
Good luck in the contest!
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reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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There's nothing worth believing than nature itself, for it never lies. Its beauty is breathtaking. Without nature we would be lost and I can't imagine what life would be without nature. Everything would be dull, no color, no life and humanity would not even exist. Fantastic story!
Good luck in the contest!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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Thanks very much!
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
- Fix your title by adding the letter 'e' to the word 'Nature'.
- You started the story with the required, 'I believe' - very good; loved your thoughts in this 1st paragraph.
- The flow of the story seemed a bit broken between the first 2 paragraphs as you jumped from 'I' to 'the Jensen family'. I could not see the association. Perhaps, starting with the 2nd paragraph, you could tell the story as if you and little Jessica grew up together and let the rest of the story detail all the wonderful things of nature the two of you discovered together.
- recheck your next to the last paragraph; you accidently picked up and repeated much of the prior paragraph about Mrs. Thomas and the apples.
- rethink your ending sentence
In no way, let my suggestions, comments and rating discourage you, as we are here to help each other. I know you've got it in you, so KEEP WRITING. You're on this site for a purpose; you have the passion and want to learn. That's why I'm here too.
Take care ... do not give up :)
Gale
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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- Fix your title by adding the letter 'e' to the word 'Nature'.
- You started the story with the required, 'I believe' - very good; loved your thoughts in this 1st paragraph.
- The flow of the story seemed a bit broken between the first 2 paragraphs as you jumped from 'I' to 'the Jensen family'. I could not see the association. Perhaps, starting with the 2nd paragraph, you could tell the story as if you and little Jessica grew up together and let the rest of the story detail all the wonderful things of nature the two of you discovered together.
- recheck your next to the last paragraph; you accidently picked up and repeated much of the prior paragraph about Mrs. Thomas and the apples.
- rethink your ending sentence
In no way, let my suggestions, comments and rating discourage you, as we are here to help each other. I know you've got it in you, so KEEP WRITING. You're on this site for a purpose; you have the passion and want to learn. That's why I'm here too.
Take care ... do not give up :)
Gale
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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I tried to put e at the end of the title. I guess the title was too long.
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I tried to put e at the end of the title, I gues the title was too long
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I was just starting out by saying what I believed, then I got into the story.
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I understand.
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Yes, thank you for correcting me. Line length had not occurred to me.
