Genius in Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Genius in Love, Scene 16"In Search of a Soul
27 total reviews
Comment from chatterbox1
Interesting read. I have no experience reading scripts so I had to force my ADHD brain to pay attention. I can't comment on the writing, just the content.
I got right away that the boy is autistic and his world is out of control. Art is the only way to communicate with my grandson.
I really hope that phone call Phyllis got wasn't reporting a death in the family. I got that call about my son.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Interesting read. I have no experience reading scripts so I had to force my ADHD brain to pay attention. I can't comment on the writing, just the content.
I got right away that the boy is autistic and his world is out of control. Art is the only way to communicate with my grandson.
I really hope that phone call Phyllis got wasn't reporting a death in the family. I got that call about my son.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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OMG, Chatterbox. I'm so sorry to hear about your son. It will be answered in the next (the penultimate, I believe) scene. Your question dovetails nicely into what I was confused about in your fine chapter. You can go back to my scene two and get up to speed simply by reading the previous scene summaries and in less time than it takes to read one chapter, you can have a general flow of the entire play.
I do thank you for reading this, by the way. There are others here more adept at playwriting, like Lancelot and Judiverse, but I was fortunate that Genius in Love has received such acclaim here on Fanstory.
Again, thank you, and GOOD WRITING to you!
Jay
Comment from Bill Schott
Wow, Jay! So very dramatic and intense between the two women, with T's husband refereeing all through it. Toloache is strung higher than the E string on a Stratocaster. I cvan only assume that the bad news on the phone is the worst news. Brilliant dialogue and overall premise, Jay.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2021
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Wow, Jay! So very dramatic and intense between the two women, with T's husband refereeing all through it. Toloache is strung higher than the E string on a Stratocaster. I cvan only assume that the bad news on the phone is the worst news. Brilliant dialogue and overall premise, Jay.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2021
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I'm glad this one was more to your liking, Bill. It was not the favorite of most of the readers, however. I'm glad you picked up on the cat fight going on just beneath the surface. It was the school principal who refereed, though. The important thing was that there was someone there doing it, LOL. Thanks for the six, buddy, but you don't have to do that. I get rid of all mine by Monday or Tuesday.
Comment from Senyai
Hi Jay,
How could you!?! Leave us hanging by a shred of ... telephone cord. This scene is riveting to say the least. You have the three way conversation between Toley and Phyllis and Mr. Hallows discussing the mistake Phyllis made in promising Cornelius that Jennie will be back in a week to which he became ecstatic and jumping for joy! His greatest fear has been avoided, except no one knows if Jennie is even with her father, where they are and if she will return in a week.
Toley loses patience with Mrs. Jax for this promise that may not be kept and that may send Cornie over the edge if Jannie fails to return. Toley explains in a very clipped manner that she has to live with the possible broken promise and the consequences.
She is for the first time quite angry with Phyllis. Mr. Hallows tries to be the man of reason, smoothing out the issues as best he can. As the two mothers try to make amends the depth of Toley's anger is really augmented by her having felt jealousy toward Phyllis the day before in Mr Hallows' office when Cornie so easily hugged Jennie's mom when she said Jennie would be home in a week. When Cillila saw Toley's face of abject disbelief at the ease the hug was given to Phyllis by Cornie, Cililla prompts Cornie to hug his mom which he did. He kept hugging her even after the appropriate period had passed. This made all the difference to Toley. It let her know a change has come in Corlie's character.
She has noticed Cornie is really starting to connect with people and mature for the first time and she is overwhelmed by it a bit.
All seems to be going well and forgiveness for mistakes are made when Phyllis mentions the private detective, Mr. Maneses is already in Socorro, New Mexico checking out the still unsold house the Jax family used to live in and has another detective snooping about in Albuquerque as well trying to locate Jennie and her dad.
The next scene is a cliff hanger! When the phone rings and Phyllis answers, it is Mr Maneses and what ever he tells her, she faints. Mr. Hallows takes the phone from Phyllis' limp hand and resumes communicating with the detective... what awful news we have not one clue. ... we just know it is awful! Thanks Jay :((
Until the next scene. Excellent script and I can picture this playing out on stage...You have really gotten the way people of the 1950's talked and acted back then.... I'm still rootin for dear Cornie...
Always,
Senyai
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2021
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Hi Jay,
How could you!?! Leave us hanging by a shred of ... telephone cord. This scene is riveting to say the least. You have the three way conversation between Toley and Phyllis and Mr. Hallows discussing the mistake Phyllis made in promising Cornelius that Jennie will be back in a week to which he became ecstatic and jumping for joy! His greatest fear has been avoided, except no one knows if Jennie is even with her father, where they are and if she will return in a week.
Toley loses patience with Mrs. Jax for this promise that may not be kept and that may send Cornie over the edge if Jannie fails to return. Toley explains in a very clipped manner that she has to live with the possible broken promise and the consequences.
She is for the first time quite angry with Phyllis. Mr. Hallows tries to be the man of reason, smoothing out the issues as best he can. As the two mothers try to make amends the depth of Toley's anger is really augmented by her having felt jealousy toward Phyllis the day before in Mr Hallows' office when Cornie so easily hugged Jennie's mom when she said Jennie would be home in a week. When Cillila saw Toley's face of abject disbelief at the ease the hug was given to Phyllis by Cornie, Cililla prompts Cornie to hug his mom which he did. He kept hugging her even after the appropriate period had passed. This made all the difference to Toley. It let her know a change has come in Corlie's character.
She has noticed Cornie is really starting to connect with people and mature for the first time and she is overwhelmed by it a bit.
All seems to be going well and forgiveness for mistakes are made when Phyllis mentions the private detective, Mr. Maneses is already in Socorro, New Mexico checking out the still unsold house the Jax family used to live in and has another detective snooping about in Albuquerque as well trying to locate Jennie and her dad.
The next scene is a cliff hanger! When the phone rings and Phyllis answers, it is Mr Maneses and what ever he tells her, she faints. Mr. Hallows takes the phone from Phyllis' limp hand and resumes communicating with the detective... what awful news we have not one clue. ... we just know it is awful! Thanks Jay :((
Until the next scene. Excellent script and I can picture this playing out on stage...You have really gotten the way people of the 1950's talked and acted back then.... I'm still rootin for dear Cornie...
Always,
Senyai
Comment Written 17-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2021
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Senyai (I'll call you that, here), you gave me the most complete rendering of what I wanted the reader to take away from this. Both wives are at the breaking point. And they need each other's support so much. Mr. Hallows understands a lot of this, and acts as mediator, or as one person said it, referee.
Once again, thanks!
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You?re very welcome, Jay
Comment from Father Flaps
Holy Cow, Jay! You certainly know how to end a scene and leave the audience under a huge question mark? I am trying to imagine what Mr. Maneses might have told Phyllis to make her faint... and what he's explaining to Mr. Hallows to make him say, "Oh, no ... that's ... horrible. Now, I can see why--Oh, the poor dear ...There's only so much the human mind can absorb before it shuts down."
My guess is that Mr. Jax has committed suicide. But its just a guess. He's had to deal with his son's death, and it's been too much for him.
The news has made Phyllis faint. I can hardly wait for the next scene.
Keep up the good work!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2021
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Holy Cow, Jay! You certainly know how to end a scene and leave the audience under a huge question mark? I am trying to imagine what Mr. Maneses might have told Phyllis to make her faint... and what he's explaining to Mr. Hallows to make him say, "Oh, no ... that's ... horrible. Now, I can see why--Oh, the poor dear ...There's only so much the human mind can absorb before it shuts down."
My guess is that Mr. Jax has committed suicide. But its just a guess. He's had to deal with his son's death, and it's been too much for him.
The news has made Phyllis faint. I can hardly wait for the next scene.
Keep up the good work!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 15-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Kimbob. I'm midway through the penultimate scene (did I use that right?) and you'll only get your answer obliquely. I think you'll like the last two scenes. Thank you, again, for being such a loyal follower, and for your very generous reward.
Comment from Cogitator
I'm passing on six stars to you forever. You may as well get used to it. That is based on structure. Content, for me, seems to contain too many handholds for the readers minds. As you said to me, let the reader's imagination have some sway....John
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2021
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I'm passing on six stars to you forever. You may as well get used to it. That is based on structure. Content, for me, seems to contain too many handholds for the readers minds. As you said to me, let the reader's imagination have some sway....John
Comment Written 15-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2021
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Well, I am honored to receive your sixes, John. It gives me a lift. It's not easy for me to get inside an autistic mind and to try to express his needs and desires within the limitations of his social vocabulary. Sometimes I feel I get close, and it's rewarding. But I agree with your critique, Sir!
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Autism, for me, is the restriction of muscle movement, not brain acumen. We all have the same emotion, but in different degrees with different circumstances. I judge only the skills, never the person...John
Comment from RGstar
A little long Jay, but super writing. Have to be careful that the scenes not swell too much, in terms of size as to liken a book, but so well written it is, that one becomes totally immersed, and yes, I understand I have missed much in my absence, but I always look forward, on return, to reading from you and a few others...always a pleasure. I am not sure what happened to Cornelius in the previous, but I was quickly able to grasp and understand the sensitivity of the matter...and how well you mastered the emotions.
Well done.
Bravo.
Have a great week buddy.
My best.
RG
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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A little long Jay, but super writing. Have to be careful that the scenes not swell too much, in terms of size as to liken a book, but so well written it is, that one becomes totally immersed, and yes, I understand I have missed much in my absence, but I always look forward, on return, to reading from you and a few others...always a pleasure. I am not sure what happened to Cornelius in the previous, but I was quickly able to grasp and understand the sensitivity of the matter...and how well you mastered the emotions.
Well done.
Bravo.
Have a great week buddy.
My best.
RG
Comment Written 14-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Thank you my dear friend! It's so good to hear from you again. Your point about the fat in the middle (my term, not yours) is well-taken. I've long ago given up the three-act format with this. Can you imagine the poor audience who had paid their money and forgot to bring a lunch and dinner? You are very kind. Thanks for the six stars.
Comment from judiverse
Facinating characters, and the interaction is good. Now we'll have to wait ti find out what the news was that caused Phyllis to faint. I think they'll do well to try Cornelius as if he were a normal child instead of trying to handle him so carefully. Lots of tension in the scene. I think you might cut some bits of dialogue. The characters are articulate and witty, but they seem to go over the same things at length. judi
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Facinating characters, and the interaction is good. Now we'll have to wait ti find out what the news was that caused Phyllis to faint. I think they'll do well to try Cornelius as if he were a normal child instead of trying to handle him so carefully. Lots of tension in the scene. I think you might cut some bits of dialogue. The characters are articulate and witty, but they seem to go over the same things at length. judi
Comment Written 14-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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I agree with you so much. It could stand a ton of pruning. As I see it now, two more shorter scenes and the curtain will drop. Thank you for being in the audience, despite your understandable squirming a bit during this scene. The six is lovely, and appreciated, but not really necessary.
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You're welcome. You can get it sorted out after do get the script completed and go back over it. judi
Comment from NABattaglia
Jay you continue to entertain us with this, creating a deeper story. What I like that you did here was again related to dialogue--I feel like I say that a lot about your writing. But what I specifically want to note is that your dialogue here continues some pauses or disruptions, and you really highlighted those instances that affected the characters in a really natural way. Thanks for sharing this one with us!
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Jay you continue to entertain us with this, creating a deeper story. What I like that you did here was again related to dialogue--I feel like I say that a lot about your writing. But what I specifically want to note is that your dialogue here continues some pauses or disruptions, and you really highlighted those instances that affected the characters in a really natural way. Thanks for sharing this one with us!
Comment Written 14-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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You can say nothing kinder than that I entertained you. That's what it's all about. I really appreciate you!
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
They are juggling the words that were said at their last meeting, which were merely words to calm Cornelius. Phyllis sees Cornelius with different eyes than Toley and so the phrase is taking on too much importance.
The main thing about this chapter is the telephone call.
What kind of news would make Phyllis faint?
Ralf
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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They are juggling the words that were said at their last meeting, which were merely words to calm Cornelius. Phyllis sees Cornelius with different eyes than Toley and so the phrase is taking on too much importance.
The main thing about this chapter is the telephone call.
What kind of news would make Phyllis faint?
Ralf
Comment Written 14-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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This scene can definitely use some tightening up. I'm pleased you stayed in your seat throughout. I lost a few.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Jay Squires,
First of all, I want to thank you for your "Thumbnail Sketch of the Previous Scene" because it helped me a lot to enjoy the whole scene.
Undoubtedly, it's a nice scene of Romance Script having impressive wording, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end.
Description of physical activities and emotions of the characters during dialogues is particularly noteworthy.
Interesting Indeed!
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Hello Jay Squires,
First of all, I want to thank you for your "Thumbnail Sketch of the Previous Scene" because it helped me a lot to enjoy the whole scene.
Undoubtedly, it's a nice scene of Romance Script having impressive wording, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end.
Description of physical activities and emotions of the characters during dialogues is particularly noteworthy.
Interesting Indeed!
Comment Written 14-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Many thanks, RP ! Glad you enjoyed it and continue to be one of my loyal followers in this play. Only about two more scenes and the big curtain drops.
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Jay Squires, Most Welcome!
[Again the curtain will be raised with thunderous APPLAUSE.]
With best wishes,
~ RP