The Kleenex Box
The minute I saw it, I knew my life was going to change.8 total reviews
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
SSSSSStunning! Deb--Congrats on your well-deserved prize for this punch to the gut. Gripping. Masterful rendering of the intense interaction and your skillful toggling between your POV and your reconstruction of the doctor's emotions you so astutely inferred. I recall having first read this gripping story several months ago, but my review must not have been recorded. SSSSSStupendous. Cheerssssss. LIZ
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2021
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SSSSSStunning! Deb--Congrats on your well-deserved prize for this punch to the gut. Gripping. Masterful rendering of the intense interaction and your skillful toggling between your POV and your reconstruction of the doctor's emotions you so astutely inferred. I recall having first read this gripping story several months ago, but my review must not have been recorded. SSSSSStupendous. Cheerssssss. LIZ
Comment Written 19-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2021
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Hello, Liz!
Thanks so much. The rating is kind and your review always makes me ssssmile!
Blessings and hugs,
Deb
Comment from robyn corum
Deb,
This is crazy. I had no idea. I knew you were talented. I knew you could write fiction. I knew you could write. I knew you could draw. But I had no idea about THIS or that you could write non-fiction like this. Wowzer. I don't know if you've found a new calling or what. This is so encouraging and inspiring. YOU are so encouraging and inspiring.
It's funny, I even saw a couple nits in there - but I was so caught up in the story I wouldn't DARE stop to pick them up. Sorry - you are on your own this time. --wink-- But I don't think too many others will even seeeee them!
Bless you for being ALL the YOU you are! I love it!
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Deb,
This is crazy. I had no idea. I knew you were talented. I knew you could write fiction. I knew you could write. I knew you could draw. But I had no idea about THIS or that you could write non-fiction like this. Wowzer. I don't know if you've found a new calling or what. This is so encouraging and inspiring. YOU are so encouraging and inspiring.
It's funny, I even saw a couple nits in there - but I was so caught up in the story I wouldn't DARE stop to pick them up. Sorry - you are on your own this time. --wink-- But I don't think too many others will even seeeee them!
Bless you for being ALL the YOU you are! I love it!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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ROBYN! An exceptional from YOU is like... Hmm ... A nod from God, I suppose. Thank you.
I give all that credit to God. He has held me through all of this mess that we call life. Jesus never left me, even when I tried pretty hard to push him back. When I lost my faith, he never gave up. That's my truth.
But I do appreciate you and your 'atta girl. I'll take it!
Blessings and many, many hugs and thanks,
Deb
Comment from Wendy G
What a powerful story!! You told it so well, with realism and even a touch of humour. What a difficult thing to face as a young woman. Yours is a story of faith courage and perseverance. Great Author's Notes too. My very best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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What a powerful story!! You told it so well, with realism and even a touch of humour. What a difficult thing to face as a young woman. Yours is a story of faith courage and perseverance. Great Author's Notes too. My very best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 07-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Wendy, thank you so much for those pretty stars and encouraging words. Bot are needed and appreciated. (Well... Maybe the stars weren't 'needed', but I sure did mile when I saw them!)
Thank you again and many blessings,
Deb
Comment from Hitcher
That is a bit of a roller-coaster Ride you have had to endure friend. You actually had me feeling sorry for your doctor telling you the bad news. Life is always throwing us curve balls that is for sure, it is how we react to them that defines where we go/end up.
A small nit _ I shook my head, ( the ) leaned it against the high, cool leather back of the chair.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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That is a bit of a roller-coaster Ride you have had to endure friend. You actually had me feeling sorry for your doctor telling you the bad news. Life is always throwing us curve balls that is for sure, it is how we react to them that defines where we go/end up.
A small nit _ I shook my head, ( the ) leaned it against the high, cool leather back of the chair.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2021
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Hitcher, thank you for finding that! I 'proof' my stuff with the computer reading to me and quite often just don't hear the tiny errors like this. (Plus, my mind wanders off like a rabid cat sometimes!)
I do appreciate your help and your kind words. :)
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Gert sherwood
The Kleenex Box
DeboraDyess, Your story is well told. I had to smile at place that I found when the eye DR--
His hand hovered for a minute and then he snatched a tissue out of the box. It fluttered in the air for a second as he withdrew his hand and then flew toward him. He clutched it in tight fingers. Made me wonder why he clutched the tissue.
Thank you for telling your story
Gert
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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The Kleenex Box
DeboraDyess, Your story is well told. I had to smile at place that I found when the eye DR--
His hand hovered for a minute and then he snatched a tissue out of the box. It fluttered in the air for a second as he withdrew his hand and then flew toward him. He clutched it in tight fingers. Made me wonder why he clutched the tissue.
Thank you for telling your story
Gert
Comment Written 06-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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HI Gert. THanks so much for reading.
I think I didn't convey the depth of his own emotion that day. We were both in tears by the end of that conversation. Ill clarify that.
Thanks for pointing it out. :)
Blessings,
Deb
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Deb you are most welcome
Gert
Comment from Michele Harber
First of all, congratulations on getting through the ordeal and on not fully losing your sight. A school friend of mine was legally blind but, with thick glasses, she was able to attend regular school in general and not special ed classes.
Your story is inspiring, and you told it with just the right amount of detail, i.e., "... leaned it against the high, cool leather back of the chair." It's certainly gripping and emotional, and you caught my attention from your first line. Your use of metaphor and simile heightened the emotional impact, as in, "it felt like nails in the coffin of my future" and "not the one he still held like a security blanket." Using "I didn't cry until I got into the car" as your closing line is very effective.
I just have a few proofing notes to make a good story better.
- First, you have several paragraph breaks, but they're not separated by a skipped line. The extra space makes a long story easier on the eyes.
- In the line, "'YOu need a back-up,' my daddy told e when I unveiled my spectacular plan to him," the second letter doesn't need to be capitalized, and you left out the "m" in me."
- In the line, "watched as the young, just-out-of-college optometrist set the tissues between us and avoid my eyes," it should say "avoided."
- Just an FYI that "The silence spanned minutes, hours, decades... It began to push toward eternity," is extremely effective.
- "Ophthalmologist" has an "h" after the "p."
- "YOu mother, maybe?" doesn't need the second letter capitalized, but it does need an "r" for "your."
- "NOt a year yet..." doesn't need the "o" capitalized.
- I don't know what the "Ju" at the end is.
Again, this is a very well-written story. My minor suggestions are just to make it even better.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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First of all, congratulations on getting through the ordeal and on not fully losing your sight. A school friend of mine was legally blind but, with thick glasses, she was able to attend regular school in general and not special ed classes.
Your story is inspiring, and you told it with just the right amount of detail, i.e., "... leaned it against the high, cool leather back of the chair." It's certainly gripping and emotional, and you caught my attention from your first line. Your use of metaphor and simile heightened the emotional impact, as in, "it felt like nails in the coffin of my future" and "not the one he still held like a security blanket." Using "I didn't cry until I got into the car" as your closing line is very effective.
I just have a few proofing notes to make a good story better.
- First, you have several paragraph breaks, but they're not separated by a skipped line. The extra space makes a long story easier on the eyes.
- In the line, "'YOu need a back-up,' my daddy told e when I unveiled my spectacular plan to him," the second letter doesn't need to be capitalized, and you left out the "m" in me."
- In the line, "watched as the young, just-out-of-college optometrist set the tissues between us and avoid my eyes," it should say "avoided."
- Just an FYI that "The silence spanned minutes, hours, decades... It began to push toward eternity," is extremely effective.
- "Ophthalmologist" has an "h" after the "p."
- "YOu mother, maybe?" doesn't need the second letter capitalized, but it does need an "r" for "your."
- "NOt a year yet..." doesn't need the "o" capitalized.
- I don't know what the "Ju" at the end is.
Again, this is a very well-written story. My minor suggestions are just to make it even better.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Thank you so very much! THat was a wonderful review and critique, which I always appreciate. You taking the time means the world to me. :)
I'm not sure what that random 'Ju' was, either, but all is well now, thanks to you. :)
Blessings,
Deb
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You're very sweet, Deb, and I'm glad I was able to help.
Comment from lyenochka
Really? Wow! You're amazing to do all your writing and artwork even with your diminished vision!! So good your sister helped you get the right diagnosis. Loved how you described the young optometrist's first diagnosis and his nervousness! I think you'll do well in the contest!
YOu need a back- (You)
into the car.
Ju (stray characters)
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Really? Wow! You're amazing to do all your writing and artwork even with your diminished vision!! So good your sister helped you get the right diagnosis. Loved how you described the young optometrist's first diagnosis and his nervousness! I think you'll do well in the contest!
YOu need a back- (You)
into the car.
Ju (stray characters)
Comment Written 06-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Helen. God is amazing. I just get to be along for the ride. :)
Thanks for catching those errors!
Many thanks and blessings,
Deb
Comment from royowen
Is this true Deb? You can't be blind surely. But a really great episode, the suspense was palpable, waiting for this youth to make a diagnosis and then the time standing still, the minute he said "It isn't cancer or anything, mush have been suspenseful" beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Typo : My daddy told (m)e. 2 : YOu(r) mother maybe?
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Is this true Deb? You can't be blind surely. But a really great episode, the suspense was palpable, waiting for this youth to make a diagnosis and then the time standing still, the minute he said "It isn't cancer or anything, mush have been suspenseful" beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Typo : My daddy told (m)e. 2 : YOu(r) mother maybe?
Comment Written 06-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Roy, thank you for finding those errors! Much appreciated. :)
Yep. My vision is 20/2500, which is pretty bad. lol. But I can see my hubby, my kids and my grandkids,w which I never expected to be able to do. God is so good. And I now beyond any shadow of a doubt that healing is in my future. I don't know when or where, but I'm not God, so that's okay with me.
Again, thank you so much!
Blessings, my brother and friend,
Debs
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Roy, thank you for finding those errors! Much appreciated. :)
Yep. My vision is 20/2500, which is pretty bad. lol. But I can see my hubby, my kids and my grandkids,w which I never expected to be able to do. God is so good. And I now beyond any shadow of a doubt that healing is in my future. I don't know when or where, but I'm not God, so that's okay with me.
Again, thank you so much!
Blessings, my brother and friend,
Debs
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I?m glad you can still see a little Deb, Sally Law is in the same boat. Bless you
