Just Another Night
Officer's try to stop a young man from killing himself.sel15 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
It's interesting to read a true story about the life of police officers. It sounds like you were a good negotiator, and sensitive to the situation. Thanks for sharing. I'd like to read more, but I would do it here, rather than on your website in order to earn member cents for reviewing.
May I make one suggestion? In order to make the dialogue sound genuine, it would help to use contractions, as in I'm instead of I am, etc. That's the way most people speak.
I also found a couple of typos: "We (we) met in high school" - remove the extra we.
"I did not (didn't) want him (not) to feel threatened." - remove the not
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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It's interesting to read a true story about the life of police officers. It sounds like you were a good negotiator, and sensitive to the situation. Thanks for sharing. I'd like to read more, but I would do it here, rather than on your website in order to earn member cents for reviewing.
May I make one suggestion? In order to make the dialogue sound genuine, it would help to use contractions, as in I'm instead of I am, etc. That's the way most people speak.
I also found a couple of typos: "We (we) met in high school" - remove the extra we.
"I did not (didn't) want him (not) to feel threatened." - remove the not
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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Thank you for reading my story and especially your suggestions. I was a good negotiator. However the officers I worked with would use a different word. "Talker" I enjoyed my job and talking with people. It never mattered who or what the person was, what mattered was they wanted to talk with me.
Of course I hope you read all of my stories. I do recommend one in particular. This is a true story.
"My Guardian Angels Cross"
Thank you again !!
Comment from royowen
You seem to have a rich treasure chest of stories to draw, I believe that sometimes sanity and police work don't mix terribly well, the connection to what's normal and sane in the work probably depends on normality with home and family. Beautifully written very interesting, probably could be culled a little. A great post, blessings Roy
Typo : thank you officer(')s
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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You seem to have a rich treasure chest of stories to draw, I believe that sometimes sanity and police work don't mix terribly well, the connection to what's normal and sane in the work probably depends on normality with home and family. Beautifully written very interesting, probably could be culled a little. A great post, blessings Roy
Typo : thank you officer(')s
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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Thank you for taking the time to read my story and even more the review. They mean a lot to me and are of great help with my writing.
Police work can be very interesting. There are moments of great stress followed by the mundane part of the job. But, I loved my job and will always feel that in some small way, I made a difference.
Thank you again!
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Well done
Comment from lancellot
Yes, was a very interesting night. I recommend looking this over for speech and action tag issues. I've provided some examples.
Notes:
I looked at Chris, "For God's sake, at least give us a few minutes to get to the car." [I looked at Chris. "For]
He barked back at me. "I told you. Your big mouth was the kiss of death." [He barked back at me, "I told]
I turned towards Chris, "This is going to be an interesting call." [I turned towards Chris. "This is]
Chris said; "There it is, two up from here. ADAM-10 to ADAM-11. [Chris said, "There]
"ADAM-10 to ADAM-11," [to ADAM 11."]
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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Yes, was a very interesting night. I recommend looking this over for speech and action tag issues. I've provided some examples.
Notes:
I looked at Chris, "For God's sake, at least give us a few minutes to get to the car." [I looked at Chris. "For]
He barked back at me. "I told you. Your big mouth was the kiss of death." [He barked back at me, "I told]
I turned towards Chris, "This is going to be an interesting call." [I turned towards Chris. "This is]
Chris said; "There it is, two up from here. ADAM-10 to ADAM-11. [Chris said, "There]
"ADAM-10 to ADAM-11," [to ADAM 11."]
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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Thank you for your suggestions, I really appreciate them. The only way I will get better is thanks to people such as yourself taking the time to read a story and even more so, replying!
Yes, it was a LONG night. My partner remind me of how I jinxed us even as we walked out to our cars to go home.
Comment from irishauthorme
This is great. I believe the more informed the public is about what a police officer goes through, the better they will understand the breadth and scope of our duties. The latest change in attitude toward law enforcement makes the job even tougher and gives the offenders the advantage.
Worked the streets and did 22+ years in the CA prison system in many capacities, narcotics, gun towers, yard officer, and hostage/crisis negotiator. Also taught many classes.
With your permission would like to become a fan so I get your writing.
irish
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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This is great. I believe the more informed the public is about what a police officer goes through, the better they will understand the breadth and scope of our duties. The latest change in attitude toward law enforcement makes the job even tougher and gives the offenders the advantage.
Worked the streets and did 22+ years in the CA prison system in many capacities, narcotics, gun towers, yard officer, and hostage/crisis negotiator. Also taught many classes.
With your permission would like to become a fan so I get your writing.
irish
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
Irish,
It would honor me to have you as a fan. I am glad you enjoyed this story. I am trying to decide if I should write a series of stories like this one. I would base them on one shift, one day. I want people to see the side of a police officer they have never seen. The emotions, friendship, family and caring about the people they serve.
I see you spent over twenty-two years working in the California prison system. Let me tell you, I have the utmost respect for the men and women of your profession. During my time as a detective, there were several occasions that I had to go to Michigan?s state prison in Jackson. On one visit, I had an officer show me around, plus I spoke to a couple of officers. Talk about stories! Every time I drove away, I thought about those officers and the job they had to do. My job was a piece of cake compared to theirs.
I have a website you might enjoy. It has all of my stories and a place to leave comments that I see and others looking at the sight. I actually started it to help me with a book I?m trying to publish. Right now, the final draft is being edited, and then the search for a literary agent begins. The book, although fiction, has actual characters intertwined throughout the book. The readers will not know, but some things I write about did actually happen.
I would appreciate if you could check out my sight. If you sign up, you would get my stories as soon as I add them, plus anything else I might add.
https://www.rfrohm.com
By the way, I am Irish and have my citizenship. My family is from County Cork. In fact, many of them still live in the same area that generations before them lived. My wife and I have been to Ireland many times. In fact, back in 2017, we lived in a small cottage home for six months. My wife, like me, is Irish. In fact, as she likes to remind me, she is 100%.
Richard
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Wow, I am third generation, my Mom was an O'Connor. Her Grandad was born in Ireland, migrated here. Am retired and starting to get serious about a trip to Ireland, want to check out the small places, Bed & Breakfast, etc.
irish
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You will LOVE Ireland!!!
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This non-fiction is an exploration observing experimental narrative taletelling of a police officer tries to stop a young man to kill himself, it was just a formal working day like other day; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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This non-fiction is an exploration observing experimental narrative taletelling of a police officer tries to stop a young man to kill himself, it was just a formal working day like other day; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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I cannot thank you enough for this review. I am trying to decide if I should write a series of stories based on events that happened to me. Like this one, they would be from one shift or one day during my career.
Right now, many people have a terrible opinion of police officers. My thought is true stories, and the personalization of police officers may help convince some people, police officers are not any different.
Thank you again
