Just Another Night
Officer's try to stop a young man from killing himself.sel15 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
I'm sure you guys with the badges never know what to expect from one minute to the next and I'm sure they don't all end well. But it's nice to read about one of those that does. Thanks for sharing your fine story and best of luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2021
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I'm sure you guys with the badges never know what to expect from one minute to the next and I'm sure they don't all end well. But it's nice to read about one of those that does. Thanks for sharing your fine story and best of luck in the contest!
Comment Written 04-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2021
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I really appreciate your reading my story. I thought perhaps writing a few personal experiences might help people see officers in a different light.
Thank you again.
Comment from Wendy G
Wow, a very well written story. An amazing day in your life for sure. It must be a very rewarding career although a very dangerous one at times. You obviously have the gift of empathy. Very well written.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2021
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Wow, a very well written story. An amazing day in your life for sure. It must be a very rewarding career although a very dangerous one at times. You obviously have the gift of empathy. Very well written.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much for reading my story. I am so glad you enjoyed it. What a night that was.
I was fortunate to be raised by a mother and father that not only set a great example for my brothers and me, but made sure we were raised with great faith in God.
In the story I tell my partner I will get him to walk into the ambulance. I was serious. I have been blessed with the gift of talk. My Irish grandmother called it "Blarney." That ability helped me many times to handle some very tough encounters.
Sorry, I write like I talk. (A lot)
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is well-written and such a joy to read about the activities of a policeman by someone who knows what he is talking about. There's just a few missed words: . . . around the corner(. Fortunately) . . . Michael, this (is) Chris . . . Also the sentence about being tucked in is odd. Either Denise told me she would tuck me in and followed . . . or "I'll tuck you in," Denise said, and followed. I'd like to read more of your work on Fanstory.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2021
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This is well-written and such a joy to read about the activities of a policeman by someone who knows what he is talking about. There's just a few missed words: . . . around the corner(. Fortunately) . . . Michael, this (is) Chris . . . Also the sentence about being tucked in is odd. Either Denise told me she would tuck me in and followed . . . or "I'll tuck you in," Denise said, and followed. I'd like to read more of your work on Fanstory.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2021
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Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I appreciate that very much. I do plan to write a few more stories. Most people have no idea what officers go through each and every day. Especially what their families endure.
I appreciate the errors you caught. I like my stories as close to correct as possible.
Thank you again...
Comment from estory
This was a really tense situation and you kept up the suspense here nicely, with the officer trying to talk the kid out of using the knife, and the kid struggling with his emotions in the chair, the knife pointed at his gut. All the realistic police jargon on the walkie talkies put us right there with the officers. You also brought in how police have to think of their own safety, for the sake of their own loved ones, in the end of the piece. Nice job. estory
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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This was a really tense situation and you kept up the suspense here nicely, with the officer trying to talk the kid out of using the knife, and the kid struggling with his emotions in the chair, the knife pointed at his gut. All the realistic police jargon on the walkie talkies put us right there with the officers. You also brought in how police have to think of their own safety, for the sake of their own loved ones, in the end of the piece. Nice job. estory
Comment Written 03-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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Thank you again!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I really enjoyed reading this this. It's very good. I noticed a few errors. I mentioned some. When you write dialogue, you need a comma after the speech tag.
"The basement is totally unfinished. When you come down the stairs, the laundry area is to your right. There is a card table and chairs. In fact, the last I saw of Michael, he was sitting next to the table. Outside of the furnace and water heater on the far wall, that's, it."
"One last question. Is there a chance Michael has a gun?" (Two dialogues, you need a space between them."
He nodded his head; "Yes." (period needed after 'head' it's not a speech dialogue)
I updated him on the situation and that I would attempt to speak with the subject pending contact from Lt. Carey. ('that is an extra word and not needed. I noticed a few more 'that' you need to remove. I didn't make note of all of them.)
If he says, yes. I want you to come down and stand at the bottom, but don't let him see you. (comma needed after 'yes')
I thought, this kid is serious. (Thought should be in italics.)
He started crying and yelled. "I can't. I swear if you get any closer, I will use it." (comma after 'yelled' or you can put a period after 'crying' and omit 'and yelled' your choice.)
As Michael stood up. I said; "Michael, there is one thing. (should be written, - As Michael stood, I said, "Michael, there is one thing.)
"Officer's I can't thank you enough for what you did for our son and our family." (Officers, you need a comma after it because you're addressing them and omit the apostrophe, they aren't possessive.)
That morning when I got home, it was the usual school day. For me, that morning was just a bit more special. (Too many 'that morning', it's redunit. Try - When I got home, it was the usual school day. For me, that morning was just a bit more special. or -- When I got home, it was the usual school day. For me, it was just a bit more special. )
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reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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I really enjoyed reading this this. It's very good. I noticed a few errors. I mentioned some. When you write dialogue, you need a comma after the speech tag.
"The basement is totally unfinished. When you come down the stairs, the laundry area is to your right. There is a card table and chairs. In fact, the last I saw of Michael, he was sitting next to the table. Outside of the furnace and water heater on the far wall, that's, it."
"One last question. Is there a chance Michael has a gun?" (Two dialogues, you need a space between them."
He nodded his head; "Yes." (period needed after 'head' it's not a speech dialogue)
I updated him on the situation and that I would attempt to speak with the subject pending contact from Lt. Carey. ('that is an extra word and not needed. I noticed a few more 'that' you need to remove. I didn't make note of all of them.)
If he says, yes. I want you to come down and stand at the bottom, but don't let him see you. (comma needed after 'yes')
I thought, this kid is serious. (Thought should be in italics.)
He started crying and yelled. "I can't. I swear if you get any closer, I will use it." (comma after 'yelled' or you can put a period after 'crying' and omit 'and yelled' your choice.)
As Michael stood up. I said; "Michael, there is one thing. (should be written, - As Michael stood, I said, "Michael, there is one thing.)
"Officer's I can't thank you enough for what you did for our son and our family." (Officers, you need a comma after it because you're addressing them and omit the apostrophe, they aren't possessive.)
That morning when I got home, it was the usual school day. For me, that morning was just a bit more special. (Too many 'that morning', it's redunit. Try - When I got home, it was the usual school day. For me, that morning was just a bit more special. or -- When I got home, it was the usual school day. For me, it was just a bit more special. )
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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I really appreciate your taking the time to go over my story. I learn from my mistakes and will not make them next time. I will be updating my story.
I am glad you enjoyed the story.
Comment from BethShelby
I loved your story. It was like being there. You are an excellent writer. I would love to here more of your adventures on the force. I will make become your fan so I'll be notified.
Beth
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I loved your story. It was like being there. You are an excellent writer. I would love to here more of your adventures on the force. I will make become your fan so I'll be notified.
Beth
Comment Written 03-Sep-2021
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
Hi, Richard. Prior to working in a circuit court for 20 years, I worked a few years for 2 law enforcement agencies (a local sheriff's office & the adjacent county's town police chief). I worked with 'uniform crime reporting,' breaking down each officer's incident report then forwarding the information to the State Police. I also assisted in other areas: photographed a young lady soon after she committed suicide, accompanied investigator to interviews, documenting details. I loved that job!
But, this is not about me. I just wanted you to know I could relate.
This nation is in a bad place right now, as we all know. I am thrilled you are writing these stories. People need to know of the good side of law enforcement; what goes through the hearts and minds of all the goods cops out there. There are more good cops than bad cops, and I wish this were a known fact.
I loved your story; I loved the details. I could easily picture the incident as a whole from beginning to end. I enjoyed reading how you thoughtfully and successfully confronted the problem at hand. I enjoyed the banter between you and your partner; and, I enjoyed the reading of the successful outcome.
I particularly loved the fact you stopped and in your mind asked God for help, as you needed wisdom and intervention. I loved how you expressed the human side of cops: love for family, faith, serving and protecting.
This was a wonderful read. Hope you write many more!
God bless,
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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Hi, Richard. Prior to working in a circuit court for 20 years, I worked a few years for 2 law enforcement agencies (a local sheriff's office & the adjacent county's town police chief). I worked with 'uniform crime reporting,' breaking down each officer's incident report then forwarding the information to the State Police. I also assisted in other areas: photographed a young lady soon after she committed suicide, accompanied investigator to interviews, documenting details. I loved that job!
But, this is not about me. I just wanted you to know I could relate.
This nation is in a bad place right now, as we all know. I am thrilled you are writing these stories. People need to know of the good side of law enforcement; what goes through the hearts and minds of all the goods cops out there. There are more good cops than bad cops, and I wish this were a known fact.
I loved your story; I loved the details. I could easily picture the incident as a whole from beginning to end. I enjoyed reading how you thoughtfully and successfully confronted the problem at hand. I enjoyed the banter between you and your partner; and, I enjoyed the reading of the successful outcome.
I particularly loved the fact you stopped and in your mind asked God for help, as you needed wisdom and intervention. I loved how you expressed the human side of cops: love for family, faith, serving and protecting.
This was a wonderful read. Hope you write many more!
God bless,
Comment Written 03-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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I am deeply honored that you enjoyed this story. I am still relatively new to writing and find myself battling a lack of confidence. People such as yourself, let me know I may have some ability to write.
Wow, what a career you had. I think what really caught my eye was ?I loved that job!? That is exactly how I felt about mine. I tell my non-police friends there was never a day that I did not want to go to work. Just like you, I loved my job.
I hope to write a series of stories about different cases they involved me in. I want the public to see the side of police officers they never see. If there ever was a time to write, this is it. One bad officer taints all officers everywhere. The problem is the media focuses on that one officer and they make it seem that all officers are the same.
I am glad you enjoyed the banter between my partner and me. It is part of any police story. People need to know we are just like them.
I do hope you will continue to follow my writings. Although, they might be a little sporadic. I just finished my first book. Currently, it is being edited for a review by a literary agent. I wrote it with a second book in mine. I will start on that soon. In case it ever gets published, the title is ?Love and Revenge ? The Life of a Mafia Attorney?
Although fiction, there is some non-fiction worked in as well as people I knew. It follows a young man in Chicago that meets and falls in love with the granddaughter of the head of one of Chicago?s mafia families. His involvement with the mob, his family, and the fact he learns all too late, trust no one and death is the only way out.
Thank you again for the review. It means a lot to me.
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Yes, please keep writing your stories! I would love to read more about the cases you were involved in.
I, too, believe that society needs to hear these type stories involving good cops.
We have a grandson that just graduated from the the State Police academy, and we worry so much about his safety because more and more people nowadays have such a bad image of cops. Back in the day, my husband was an investigator and chief deputy; even the criminals respected him.
Let me know about 'Love and Revenge'. I would love to purchase a copy once you are published.
I look forward to many more stories, my friend!
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Yes, please keep writing your stories! I would love to read more about the cases you were involved in.
I, too, believe that society needs to hear these type stories involving good cops.
We have a grandson that just graduated from the the State Police academy, and we worry so much about his safety because more and more people nowadays have such a bad image of cops. Back in the day, my husband was an investigator and chief deputy; even the criminals respected him.
Let me know about 'Love and Revenge'. I would love to purchase a copy once you are published.
I look forward to many more stories, my friend!
Comment from Midi O'Rourke
Very well written dialogue. It sounds realistic. It must be rewarding to help a guy like Michael and keep in touch with the family. Keep writing! All the best.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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Very well written dialogue. It sounds realistic. It must be rewarding to help a guy like Michael and keep in touch with the family. Keep writing! All the best.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much for reading my story and the review. I met a lot of good people during my years. Michael turned out to be one of them. His mother and father are the nicest people.
I will keep writing thanks to people like you.
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You could write about the aftermath of that incident...what happened to Michael. Are you going to enter the non-fiction contest?
Comment from nomi338
This is such a wonderful human interest story. One of the things it highlights is the need for mental health professionals to be available o handle such cases as this. The police got lucky on this, largely because you were level headed and not on a power trip. Unfortunately not all officers are level headed enough to handle a situation like this like a trained professional adult would or should. Thank you for your nuanced, level headed response. I would love to read more about your awesome career. I am from Detroit and I was a law enforcement officer in the United States Air Force back in the early sixties.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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This is such a wonderful human interest story. One of the things it highlights is the need for mental health professionals to be available o handle such cases as this. The police got lucky on this, largely because you were level headed and not on a power trip. Unfortunately not all officers are level headed enough to handle a situation like this like a trained professional adult would or should. Thank you for your nuanced, level headed response. I would love to read more about your awesome career. I am from Detroit and I was a law enforcement officer in the United States Air Force back in the early sixties.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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I was distracted when I saved the reply. I wanted to nominate you for the reviewer award.
Hopefully, I can do that now?
Comment from Mary Shifman
I like this story very much. I can see that it must get harrowing at times but but it's interesting. I do hope you do continue with your stories about life as a policeman. I found only one small correction. 'Until her gets here, it's our job to assess the situation...' Her needs to be changed to he. Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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I like this story very much. I can see that it must get harrowing at times but but it's interesting. I do hope you do continue with your stories about life as a policeman. I found only one small correction. 'Until her gets here, it's our job to assess the situation...' Her needs to be changed to he. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2021
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Thank you for taking the time to read my story and writing a review. Like all writers a review like yours keep me writing.
I plan on writing sort of a series. I want people to see the human side of a police officer. We are no different than they are. We have families, worries and a job that can be very stressful and at times heartbreaking. Thank you again!
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You are quite welcome. I realize how stressful police work must be not only the officers involved but to their families. In this strange world we're living in today, it's good to let people see that we're all kindred. Keep up the good work.
