The waterfall
haiku and 5-7-528 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
I really loved your 5-7-5. I almost want to use "drowns out" instead of "shuts down" to keep with the water feeling. That is so true that the song of nature can allow us to release our stressful thoughts and just be.
The haiku feels less powerful for me because "it soothes me" doesn't give me enough of that satori feeling. There are two ways that I read the second line:
the rocky face spraying mist (the rocky face, spraying mist --
or-- the rocky, face-spraying mist)
Perhaps you wanted both meanings.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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I really loved your 5-7-5. I almost want to use "drowns out" instead of "shuts down" to keep with the water feeling. That is so true that the song of nature can allow us to release our stressful thoughts and just be.
The haiku feels less powerful for me because "it soothes me" doesn't give me enough of that satori feeling. There are two ways that I read the second line:
the rocky face spraying mist (the rocky face, spraying mist --
or-- the rocky, face-spraying mist)
Perhaps you wanted both meanings.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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'pacifies me'? does it sound better? I intended ' water thundered down/ the rocky face,spraying mist. .i will use 'drowns out' .you are right it continues with the water theme.by 'shut ' i thought it conveys the force of waterfall.Thank you very much.
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"The waterfall", is an extremely well-written and delightfully descriptive piece. It was a pleasure to read and review this talented poet's work. The illustration you've used is absolutely beautiful.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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"The waterfall", is an extremely well-written and delightfully descriptive piece. It was a pleasure to read and review this talented poet's work. The illustration you've used is absolutely beautiful.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much .
You're very welcome.
Comment from Raul1
I have enjoyed reading your piece of poetry. It's beautifully written. The sentences flow with clarity. It is clear and concise. Excellent work! Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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I have enjoyed reading your piece of poetry. It's beautifully written. The sentences flow with clarity. It is clear and concise. Excellent work! Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much.
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You're welcome!
Comment from harmony13
The two stanza of this poem are lovely. The author's words are calming,
relaxing, descriptive and creative. I pondered on feelings of peace
as I read these words. The artwork is awesome and compliments these
words.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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The two stanza of this poem are lovely. The author's words are calming,
relaxing, descriptive and creative. I pondered on feelings of peace
as I read these words. The artwork is awesome and compliments these
words.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Elegant and powerful. I assume your haiku is intentionally 5-7-4--vs 5-7-5--As I recall, deviation is permitted in haiku. Lovely pair--stunning art complements the theme.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Elegant and powerful. I assume your haiku is intentionally 5-7-4--vs 5-7-5--As I recall, deviation is permitted in haiku. Lovely pair--stunning art complements the theme.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much .I thought of using 'pacify' instead of 'soothe ',but i thought 'soothe' sounded better .what do you think ?
Comment from jenintorre
Two poems for one photo. How interesting I like both of them. They Illustrate the difference between Haiku and simply 5/7/5. Great job. Best wishes. Jen
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Two poems for one photo. How interesting I like both of them. They Illustrate the difference between Haiku and simply 5/7/5. Great job. Best wishes. Jen
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Janetsue
Waterfalls and haiku are two of my favorite things. I could stand and watch a fall for hours; and I do enjoy reading excellent haiku...such as this. Your posting is a lovely combination all the way around!
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Waterfalls and haiku are two of my favorite things. I could stand and watch a fall for hours; and I do enjoy reading excellent haiku...such as this. Your posting is a lovely combination all the way around!
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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I know .we can stand and watch waterfalls foor ever. Thanks for dropping by
Comment from karenina
Your words connect directly with your image... IN both your haiku and your 5/7/5 you identify the two most important things nature can offer....Inspiration and solitude! Love those waterfalls...
Karenina
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Your words connect directly with your image... IN both your haiku and your 5/7/5 you identify the two most important things nature can offer....Inspiration and solitude! Love those waterfalls...
Karenina
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much for this view. I thought of solitude and solace .but this is quiet true .
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Lovely, either way!
Karenina
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
haiku and 5-7-5
The waterfall
by Sanku
Excellent entry for the haiku club event. You seem to understand the difference between haiku and 5/7/5 poems.
A small suggestion:
Haiku-Water Thundered Down
Water thundered down
the rocky face spraying mist (add dash --)
its soothes me (.) delete period
5-7-5
The thunderous sound
of water shuts down one's thoughts (.) delete --add a dash (--)
it lets you just be (.) delete period
Well done!
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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haiku and 5-7-5
The waterfall
by Sanku
Excellent entry for the haiku club event. You seem to understand the difference between haiku and 5/7/5 poems.
A small suggestion:
Haiku-Water Thundered Down
Water thundered down
the rocky face spraying mist (add dash --)
its soothes me (.) delete period
5-7-5
The thunderous sound
of water shuts down one's thoughts (.) delete --add a dash (--)
it lets you just be (.) delete period
Well done!
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much .I have added and deleted as per your suggestion.
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Looks good!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing your club entry with us. The best things about club entries is us reviewers get to read great poems, such as yours. I enjoyed reading. Yes, thunder can help shut down our thoughts so it's just us.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Thank you for sharing your club entry with us. The best things about club entries is us reviewers get to read great poems, such as yours. I enjoyed reading. Yes, thunder can help shut down our thoughts so it's just us.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much for stopping by and your kind words.
