City
a poem18 total reviews
Comment from damommy
Wow! What a striking story. Poor man has been abused and mistreated for some time now, and only wants to escape his circumstances. After all that happens, he's still hopeful for the future. Wow!
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Wow! What a striking story. Poor man has been abused and mistreated for some time now, and only wants to escape his circumstances. After all that happens, he's still hopeful for the future. Wow!
Comment Written 31-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Yvonne.
Comment from June Sargent
I grew up in an inner city apartment - I know the sights, sounds and hopelessness that fill the concrete jungle. Reality is sad - but hope can be that ray that transports us out of the darkness into the light. One can get out of that jungle - it just takes faith and determination. A very thought-provoking piece.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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I grew up in an inner city apartment - I know the sights, sounds and hopelessness that fill the concrete jungle. Reality is sad - but hope can be that ray that transports us out of the darkness into the light. One can get out of that jungle - it just takes faith and determination. A very thought-provoking piece.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Thank you, June
Comment from Mary Shifman
Your vignette is a very intense and well written story in poem form. The imagery is painfully vivid and I can imagine how lonely and hopeless this individual must feel. This piece feels as if it should be part of a longer story, yet it is complete in itself. Well done.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Your vignette is a very intense and well written story in poem form. The imagery is painfully vivid and I can imagine how lonely and hopeless this individual must feel. This piece feels as if it should be part of a longer story, yet it is complete in itself. Well done.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Mary
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You are welcome.
Comment from BethShelby
This is an intriguing and somewhat depressing poem from someone who usually makes us smile. I like the way you have expressed the desperation of city living in a small apartment. It is apparent the person wants out of this situation and the future is something he can only try to fathom. Not in the night where sleeplessness makes life seem ever more uncertain, he must try again in the light of day.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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This is an intriguing and somewhat depressing poem from someone who usually makes us smile. I like the way you have expressed the desperation of city living in a small apartment. It is apparent the person wants out of this situation and the future is something he can only try to fathom. Not in the night where sleeplessness makes life seem ever more uncertain, he must try again in the light of day.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Just a poem written close to midnight, Beth.
Comment from royowen
One would either need a word of the future, or a confirmation of what's to come, but those things are usually in the keep of God's hands. The end of the pandemic for instance. This is beautifully written Bill, I like the narrative my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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One would either need a word of the future, or a confirmation of what's to come, but those things are usually in the keep of God's hands. The end of the pandemic for instance. This is beautifully written Bill, I like the narrative my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 31-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Roy
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Most welcome
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
These are powerful and sad words and people in cities seem much more isolated that those living in the country, yet they are surrounded by people all keeping themselves to themselves, a poignant write Bill, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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These are powerful and sad words and people in cities seem much more isolated that those living in the country, yet they are surrounded by people all keeping themselves to themselves, a poignant write Bill, love Dolly x
Comment Written 31-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Dolly.
Comment from Katie Mae Dead
Wow Bill. This is a pretty heavy write and I hope it's not from experience.
You've done a real excellent job here with this free verse. You have some good descriptors here.
"Sawing light"
"Crazy eye"
Some of your descriptions are very compelling also.
"Sinks deeper in my skull"
Your ending is also evocative and compelling.
Wonderfully written. I could just picture the apartment.
Take care,
Katiemae Dead
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reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Wow Bill. This is a pretty heavy write and I hope it's not from experience.
You've done a real excellent job here with this free verse. You have some good descriptors here.
"Sawing light"
"Crazy eye"
Some of your descriptions are very compelling also.
"Sinks deeper in my skull"
Your ending is also evocative and compelling.
Wonderfully written. I could just picture the apartment.
Take care,
Katiemae Dead
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Katiemae, for your thorough review. Bill
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Wow. This is a kind of scary and sad poem. I hope it is based on empathy with an imagined victim of abuse, rather than past experience, or worse, a current reality (if it is, please try to get out of there).
This person is in a terrible predicament, and desperately needs help. The Renate-Bertodi art is perfect for how the person might perceive the world, from their window.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Wow. This is a kind of scary and sad poem. I hope it is based on empathy with an imagined victim of abuse, rather than past experience, or worse, a current reality (if it is, please try to get out of there).
This person is in a terrible predicament, and desperately needs help. The Renate-Bertodi art is perfect for how the person might perceive the world, from their window.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Mary Kay.
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You're very welcome, my friend. God bless you. - Mary Kay
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You're very welcome, Bill. May God bless you. - Mary Kay
