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Viewing comments for Chapter 46 " Burnt Coffee"With their call stalled, Liz & Linda begin walking
9 total reviews
Comment from J.R. Michael
This poor group just can't catch a break. Again you painted a clear and tense picture of what is occurring. Having them be reminded of things previous let's the reader feel their anxiety. Nice chapter.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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This poor group just can't catch a break. Again you painted a clear and tense picture of what is occurring. Having them be reminded of things previous let's the reader feel their anxiety. Nice chapter.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. It seems you may be following it. If not your are invited to read it on my portfolio. No review is necwssary. Just enjoy. The first 13 ch. are about Liz & Linda rescuing 10 Native teens. ***spoiler*** Tommy is the brother of one of them.
Comment from SHABAMO
Great world building and story creation....in some ways I think making "real" characters that are easy to identify with is actually harder than writing a sci fi world. Cheers.
Shabamo
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Great world building and story creation....in some ways I think making "real" characters that are easy to identify with is actually harder than writing a sci fi world. Cheers.
Shabamo
Comment Written 31-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Thank you for you involved review. I'm glad you appreciated it.
We are at the culmination of many adventures based upon the two ladies rescuing 10 Native teens from a trafficking operation.. I invite you to read the first 13 chapters in my portfolio about the rescue. Every chapter is suspenseful. There is no need to write a review. Others have done this too. I see there are up to 50+ views. I just want you to treat it like a book you might read to enjoy. ***Spoiler *** Tommy, offers the ladies a place to rest & enjoy some of his cooking. He is on his way to a food festival & there is a traffic jam because of brush fires. The irony is he is the brother of one of the girls who are rescued. Enjoy it if you have the opportunity.
Comment from Dr. Nad
This is a new story for me so I appreciate the authors notes and flashbacks that enhanced my understanding. The author was able to continue the development of the two main characters while at the same time maintain an air of mystery and suspense. Thanks for sharing. Embrace the Love from above.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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This is a new story for me so I appreciate the authors notes and flashbacks that enhanced my understanding. The author was able to continue the development of the two main characters while at the same time maintain an air of mystery and suspense. Thanks for sharing. Embrace the Love from above.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. You're coming in cold into this story. I've had similar experiences. But fortunately this chapter can stand alone and be appreciated.
We are at the culmination of many adventures based upon the two ladies rescuing 10 Native teens from a trafficking operation.. I invite you to read the first 13 chapters in my portfolio about the rescue. Every chapter is suspenseful. There is no need to write a review. Others have done this too. I see there are up to 50+ views. I just want you to treat it like a book you might read to enjoy. ***Spoiler *** Tommy, offers the ladies a place to rest & enjoy some of his cooking. He is on his way to a food festival & there is a traffic jam because of brush fires. The irony is he is the brother of one of the girls who are rescued. Enjoy it if you have the opportunity.
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You are very welcome. It was my privilege to read and review. And I thank you for your timely and insightful response. Thank you for the added information on what appears to be an excellent book. Embrace the love from above.
Comment from lancellot
This was a very well written scene. Good dialogue and introspections. Nice build up leading to a cliff hanger.
note:
Tommy waxed poetically. "If the guy offers up a cup of 'Joe', our answer should{ be 'no'".} Everyone
- change period placement.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
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This was a very well written scene. Good dialogue and introspections. Nice build up leading to a cliff hanger.
note:
Tommy waxed poetically. "If the guy offers up a cup of 'Joe', our answer should{ be 'no'".} Everyone
- change period placement.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. Thank you for the heads -up.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
It seems this story has been going on for a while. This episode is quite spooky.
The narrative is smooth. The dialogue seems natural.
My suggestion would be: At the end to add to the tension of the scene use short declarative sentences. Mainly just subject, verb, object. This will speed the pace. Make it jumpy and thereby add to the feeling.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2021
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It seems this story has been going on for a while. This episode is quite spooky.
The narrative is smooth. The dialogue seems natural.
My suggestion would be: At the end to add to the tension of the scene use short declarative sentences. Mainly just subject, verb, object. This will speed the pace. Make it jumpy and thereby add to the feeling.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2021
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Thank you for your engaged review. That is a great idea, to use shorter sentences. I may have already invited you to read then first 13 chapters in my portfolio. They are a stand alone story about the ladies rescuing 10 Native teens from a trafficking operation. Every chapter is suspenseful.
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You are welcome.
Comment from aryr
This was so enjoyable to read, Liz. It presented a recall of various events that had happened to Liz and Linda. Then they met Tommy who had vast cooking experience-he was a Chef. Now that they had found the deserted town they could hear music and followed the sound. It was indeed surprising to find themselves facing a double barreled shotgun. The picture was interesting. Very well done, definitely interesting and enjoyed.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2021
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This was so enjoyable to read, Liz. It presented a recall of various events that had happened to Liz and Linda. Then they met Tommy who had vast cooking experience-he was a Chef. Now that they had found the deserted town they could hear music and followed the sound. It was indeed surprising to find themselves facing a double barreled shotgun. The picture was interesting. Very well done, definitely interesting and enjoyed.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2021
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Thank you for your engaged review. I'm glad you're enjoying it. I keep thinking it's almost the last chapter, then I get downloads often as I am waking, of more to write.
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You are so very welcome, Liz, isn't that the way it is supposed to work? LOL
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***hugs***
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is another interesting chapter, Liz. I'm hoping they manage to get the car back without any more trouble.
Here are a few editing suggestions:
"The two ladies had many goals throughout their adventures,(:) (to) survive, to be stealthy, to keep away from bats in a cave or(and) to avoid holes in cave floors plummeting an unknown measure of feet.
"which was camouflage(d) by a ladder leaning against a door."
"I wonder where this leads (to)," - remove the "to". It's an unnecessary word.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2021
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This is another interesting chapter, Liz. I'm hoping they manage to get the car back without any more trouble.
Here are a few editing suggestions:
"The two ladies had many goals throughout their adventures,(:) (to) survive, to be stealthy, to keep away from bats in a cave or(and) to avoid holes in cave floors plummeting an unknown measure of feet.
"which was camouflage(d) by a ladder leaning against a door."
"I wonder where this leads (to)," - remove the "to". It's an unnecessary word.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. I'm glad you are enjoying this. You make
some good points. I have attended to them as you suggested. And thank you for the example. It makes it simpler.
Comment from Mabaker12
See, I can't write like you, Liz. Your characters have flesh and blood whereas mine are just words on a page, however, both of our creations work well for us. Love to you Anne.
Got some news; The woman who owns this unit has sold out which means Raymond and I are on the look-see for a new place to hang our hats. I'll keep you posted on our progress. Anne.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2021
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See, I can't write like you, Liz. Your characters have flesh and blood whereas mine are just words on a page, however, both of our creations work well for us. Love to you Anne.
Got some news; The woman who owns this unit has sold out which means Raymond and I are on the look-see for a new place to hang our hats. I'll keep you posted on our progress. Anne.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2021
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Thank you for you lovely review. My characters actually are flesh & blood. It was like when you wrote that story about you & Raymond in the mysterious house with the well in the middle. I wish you could dig that one back out. I think I told you, I read they actually did dig their wells where no one would be able to poison them or steal the water. I'll research that some more.
Weren't you going to check to see if it could still to be rented by you?
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The house you speak of was situated in a tiny town called Mount Perry. And sadly everything taken into consideration would not work for habitation. It's a heap of rubble now, but the story can be resurrected. I'll write chapters just for you Liz. My gift to you. And as usual your writing has surpassed itself. Love you always Anne.
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I would love if you continued the story.
There are so many possible plots in a strange house like that.
Comment from lyenochka
Lol! You built up our suspense and have us facing a gun-toting Don Knotts! I loved the way you show how the characters are building up their courage by recalling the past victories like the ladies faced rescuing the girls, and going through the cave and Tommy remembering the corn snakes. Somehow I still hear echoes of Bea doing her thinking exercises to face up to challenges.
Comments:
her hips, leading to her rubbery legs (This phrase made me pause as the verb "leading" is tied to her hips and I thought maybe another verb or a separate sentence might work better here.)
to be stealth, (stealthy)
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2021
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Lol! You built up our suspense and have us facing a gun-toting Don Knotts! I loved the way you show how the characters are building up their courage by recalling the past victories like the ladies faced rescuing the girls, and going through the cave and Tommy remembering the corn snakes. Somehow I still hear echoes of Bea doing her thinking exercises to face up to challenges.
Comments:
her hips, leading to her rubbery legs (This phrase made me pause as the verb "leading" is tied to her hips and I thought maybe another verb or a separate sentence might work better here.)
to be stealth, (stealthy)
Comment Written 26-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2021
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Thank you for your ever supportive review. I have attended to your observations. I came up with 'hips connected to' just like in the song. lol I'm glad you enjoyed it so.
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Okay! That works for me. 😊 It might have just me with the difficulty with "leading." Lol.
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no, you are right, I struggled to think of the right word. But as you pointed it out to me...I figured it out. Consider yourself a 'participating muse' lol
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💖