The Chronicals Of Bethica: The Rise
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "The Chronicles Of Bethica"Abram must defeat a deadly humanoid race of beings
14 total reviews
Comment from forestport12
Loved how you used the character scratching himself in different places. The awareness to write that in really gets the visual focus of the character and the interaction. You take what is a not so interesting genre for me and make it so, because it is all about the characters that live in your mind's eye. Nice hook on the end to finish with a war room planning until dawn.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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Loved how you used the character scratching himself in different places. The awareness to write that in really gets the visual focus of the character and the interaction. You take what is a not so interesting genre for me and make it so, because it is all about the characters that live in your mind's eye. Nice hook on the end to finish with a war room planning until dawn.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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Thank you for noticing that scratching part. I was hoping to add some depth to my humanoid characters. I appreciate your review very much.
Comment from NABattaglia
Another solid entry, great word with excellent use of diagnose. One typo I noticed was: **"That fire-breather is good as dead"! Letty snapped.** It appears that the ! should be placed inside the " which is really all I see. Thank you for sharing this great work!
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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Another solid entry, great word with excellent use of diagnose. One typo I noticed was: **"That fire-breather is good as dead"! Letty snapped.** It appears that the ! should be placed inside the " which is really all I see. Thank you for sharing this great work!
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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Thank you for your review and for catching that typo. I really appreciate you.
Comment from SHABAMO
A fun take on a take on dragons and much more! I have many ideas popping around my head, but have not yet been able to write out a concrete worldbuilding map, which you seem to be excellent at. Any recommendations on how to go through that process are appreciated!
- Shabamo
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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A fun take on a take on dragons and much more! I have many ideas popping around my head, but have not yet been able to write out a concrete worldbuilding map, which you seem to be excellent at. Any recommendations on how to go through that process are appreciated!
- Shabamo
Comment Written 31-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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First, thank you for your review; it is most appreciated. Worldbuilding is pretty simple once you've done it before. Everyone wants to improve the world we're in. There's your map. Recreate our world then improve it by fictionalizing the rest. Me...I love the supernatural in my worlds. People can do things they can't in the real worId. I like my men handsome, my women strong, but not to disrespect men because I'm not a feminist. My characters never hurt animals. My skies are always bluer. My nights have mischief. My shadows have a life of their own; they'll jump right off the wall at you. etc.. Add whatever you want.
Hope that helps a little. If not, let me know.
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It certainly helps some! I may ask for more help...thank you much!
Comment from Mary Shifman
I am really enjoying this book. You are good with descriptions and the pace moves us along with each chapter. However, I'm already wanting the next chapter. I can't wait to see if they get the dragon. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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I am really enjoying this book. You are good with descriptions and the pace moves us along with each chapter. However, I'm already wanting the next chapter. I can't wait to see if they get the dragon. Nicely done.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much for this fine review.
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I have missed the earlier chapters and don't read many fantasy stories. But I was able to understand what I read here and found it interesting.A good chapter like a stand-alone story.! . It prepares the reader for some intense adventure. Happy writing. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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I have missed the earlier chapters and don't read many fantasy stories. But I was able to understand what I read here and found it interesting.A good chapter like a stand-alone story.! . It prepares the reader for some intense adventure. Happy writing. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 31-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Thank you very much. I appreciate your review.
Comment from justafan
I absolutely devoured this chapter and I'm still hungry!! Where's the next course!
Brilliant as usual.
I plan on leaving FanStory but this story keeps me coming back! That's how wonderful I think it is!
Always
Justafan of yours
Missy
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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I absolutely devoured this chapter and I'm still hungry!! Where's the next course!
Brilliant as usual.
I plan on leaving FanStory but this story keeps me coming back! That's how wonderful I think it is!
Always
Justafan of yours
Missy
Comment Written 31-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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No, don't leave. Your writings will be missed. But thank you for your fine review of my work.
Comment from royowen
Hayman talks with Gangus and Gangus, but he decides he and his warriors will declare war on the dreaded drake, and endeavour to destroy it, and Hayman pointers out what heinous task this could work out to be. With almost every route a deathtrap in itself. Great episode, and even the slower ones are exciting, well done Amahra, blessings Roy
Typo : and we (in)tend to settle...
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Hayman talks with Gangus and Gangus, but he decides he and his warriors will declare war on the dreaded drake, and endeavour to destroy it, and Hayman pointers out what heinous task this could work out to be. With almost every route a deathtrap in itself. Great episode, and even the slower ones are exciting, well done Amahra, blessings Roy
Typo : and we (in)tend to settle...
Comment Written 30-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Roy. Will fix typo.
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Most welcome
Comment from Jay Squires
I like this chapter. It prepares the reader for some intense adventure in the coming chapters while it accentuates the courage of Gangus's troops.
"And?" Gangus blurted, sensing there were more. [... sensing there WAS?? more. Were you trying to use the subjunctive here?]
It is said they can steal a ring right off your finger while you're sleeping and wouldn't break a snore. [suggest... "and YOU wouldn't break a snore."]
"That is most impressive, Priest Hayman," Gangus bellowed with a smile. [Suggest: "Gangus bellowed, and smiled" (or, "...and then smiled")... the reason being one cannot easily bellow and smile at the same time.]
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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I like this chapter. It prepares the reader for some intense adventure in the coming chapters while it accentuates the courage of Gangus's troops.
"And?" Gangus blurted, sensing there were more. [... sensing there WAS?? more. Were you trying to use the subjunctive here?]
It is said they can steal a ring right off your finger while you're sleeping and wouldn't break a snore. [suggest... "and YOU wouldn't break a snore."]
"That is most impressive, Priest Hayman," Gangus bellowed with a smile. [Suggest: "Gangus bellowed, and smiled" (or, "...and then smiled")... the reason being one cannot easily bellow and smile at the same time.]
Comment Written 30-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Jay, for your review, stars,Make sure it's buttered and especially the corrections. Blessings!
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Jay, I don't know how my reply to you got mixed up with a reply I sent to Ric. Buttered popcorn was meant for him. lol
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Oh, good. I like buttered popcorn, though and think I'll pop some tonight.
Comment from Ric Myworld
It appears the most dangerous part of the journey begins now with an almost endless number of obstacles including the Drake that must be killed. I've buckled up my seatbelt and have a huge bag of popcorn waiting for the ride. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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It appears the most dangerous part of the journey begins now with an almost endless number of obstacles including the Drake that must be killed. I've buckled up my seatbelt and have a huge bag of popcorn waiting for the ride. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much, Ric. Put plenty of butter on that popcorn. :)
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Friends laugh and call my popcorn the heart attack snack with two-inches of butter collected in the bottom of the bowl. LOL. Have a great week!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am worried about Gangus and his people fighting this Drake. I hope they win, but they're the good guys, they got to win, right? I am enjoying this story and thank you for sharing it with us.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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I am worried about Gangus and his people fighting this Drake. I hope they win, but they're the good guys, they got to win, right? I am enjoying this story and thank you for sharing it with us.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Thank you for your review, Barbara. I love your profile picture. It's lovely.