Genius in Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Genius In Love"In Search of a Soul
28 total reviews
Comment from chatterbox1
First, I have to say that for me (novelist), reading a script is hard. That being said, I am curious about the genre and plan to explore it.
I feel sorry for the characters having to share disturbing news with a fragile soul. I'm glad Cornie has a grounding force in his head. I wish everyone did!
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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First, I have to say that for me (novelist), reading a script is hard. That being said, I am curious about the genre and plan to explore it.
I feel sorry for the characters having to share disturbing news with a fragile soul. I'm glad Cornie has a grounding force in his head. I wish everyone did!
Comment Written 24-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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I am told by playwrights I admire that I take a lot of liberties with the stage directions since they would not enhance the playgoer's experience, only the director and actors. That said, this play has won FS awards and the praise of a lot of general readers here. Since I'm not planning to have it staged, I'll accept the enjoyment of the readers. Oh, yes, and I wish I had Cililla's wisdom as well, Chatterbox. Thanks for keeping the back scenes alive.
Jay
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Ahhh, yes! Stage directions--that might be what slowed me down as I read. With that in mind, I shall return and try again.
When I drove school bus, I had a lot of special needs students, which required me to learn about their disabilities. I came to love those munchkins like they were my own.
Carol
Comment from Bill Schott
This revelation about Jennie is being dragged out a bit, but I am getting more convinced she will not be "returning" in the most positive sense.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2021
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This revelation about Jennie is being dragged out a bit, but I am getting more convinced she will not be "returning" in the most positive sense.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2021
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Yes, this scene could undergo a bit of surgery and come out healthier, I'm afraid. Thanks for reviewing it anyway, Bill.
Comment from NANCY V. FORREST
You dialogue is so well done and so understanding of the kinds of responses, thoughts and behaviors a child like Cornelius would have. It is a wonderful character development.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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You dialogue is so well done and so understanding of the kinds of responses, thoughts and behaviors a child like Cornelius would have. It is a wonderful character development.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Nancy, for reading and for your kind words.
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:-)
Comment from kmoss
Always hug your momma, sweetie! A beautiful piece that seemed to focus more on his thoughts than the others, which is very odd, and very good!
Do YOU know the ending yet?
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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Always hug your momma, sweetie! A beautiful piece that seemed to focus more on his thoughts than the others, which is very odd, and very good!
Do YOU know the ending yet?
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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I don't know the ending precisely, but it should be within the next two scenes. Thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to review this. The six was a delightful extravagance! Bless you, girl.
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
Some things surprised me in this scene, and some didn't.
Here's what I liked,
You showed Cornie's autistic way very well as he is still so concerned about making the mistake with a few musical notes during the Jax's visit. I think autistic people are perfectionists, and they will dwell on something till the cows come home... he can't let it go, and he thinks Mr. Jax knows about the glitch in his playing.
CORNELIUS:
Cornelius m-missed two--n-notes.
PHYLLIS:
Notes ... what?
CORNELIUS:
Mr. Jax ... he heard--Cornelius's mis-mistakes.
TOLOACHE:
(Sotto Voce, To a perplexed PHYLLIS)
He means when he played for us.
(Then to CORNELIUS)
Baby! No! You played beautifully!
PHYLLIS:
You were perfection, Darling!
CORNELIUS:
Noooo! No, no! Cornelius's fingers were--sweat-ting. Mr. Jax--he knew.
PHYLLIS:
Knew what? What ...? Why?
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But I was surprised that Cornelius would listen to Cililla when she told him to let Phyllis hug him, and even hug her back. One thing to hug his own mother in public, but Mrs. Jax? Cililla was pushing it. Maybe she was dancing around the room, but Cornie could have fallen out of his boat. Needless to say, though, he would have never got through the meeting without her. She seems to have wisdom that Cornie lacks. Yet, she is a part of him. So it shows just how intelligent he really is. However, he has to step back and allow her to run the show. This is how I see it, anyway.
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But in reality, they are telling Cornie a lie... that Jennie will be back in a few days, or maybe a week? Will she? What is up Mr. Jax's sleeve? What's his plan? If Jennie doesn't show up in a few days, he won't forget what they said. He'll know they were all telling a huge fib. I'd like to know what Cililla thinks about this. (Of course, remembering that she's a part of Cornie, it's really what HE thinks about this sudden meeting of parents and principal. As he mulls it over, he might realize that there must be more to it. Why call him into the office to only discover Jennie's dad took her away? And Phyllis is in tears. What's with that? And what was with all that hugging, anyway? Something smells funny.)
I stop and wonder where you might take this play, Jay. I'm still hoping it ends with Cornelius playing before the school assembly, leaving his fellow students in awe, making Jennie so proud at the same time.
Nicely penned! A terrific drama! Keep up the good work!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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Hi Jay,
Some things surprised me in this scene, and some didn't.
Here's what I liked,
You showed Cornie's autistic way very well as he is still so concerned about making the mistake with a few musical notes during the Jax's visit. I think autistic people are perfectionists, and they will dwell on something till the cows come home... he can't let it go, and he thinks Mr. Jax knows about the glitch in his playing.
CORNELIUS:
Cornelius m-missed two--n-notes.
PHYLLIS:
Notes ... what?
CORNELIUS:
Mr. Jax ... he heard--Cornelius's mis-mistakes.
TOLOACHE:
(Sotto Voce, To a perplexed PHYLLIS)
He means when he played for us.
(Then to CORNELIUS)
Baby! No! You played beautifully!
PHYLLIS:
You were perfection, Darling!
CORNELIUS:
Noooo! No, no! Cornelius's fingers were--sweat-ting. Mr. Jax--he knew.
PHYLLIS:
Knew what? What ...? Why?
******************************************************
But I was surprised that Cornelius would listen to Cililla when she told him to let Phyllis hug him, and even hug her back. One thing to hug his own mother in public, but Mrs. Jax? Cililla was pushing it. Maybe she was dancing around the room, but Cornie could have fallen out of his boat. Needless to say, though, he would have never got through the meeting without her. She seems to have wisdom that Cornie lacks. Yet, she is a part of him. So it shows just how intelligent he really is. However, he has to step back and allow her to run the show. This is how I see it, anyway.
**************************************************
But in reality, they are telling Cornie a lie... that Jennie will be back in a few days, or maybe a week? Will she? What is up Mr. Jax's sleeve? What's his plan? If Jennie doesn't show up in a few days, he won't forget what they said. He'll know they were all telling a huge fib. I'd like to know what Cililla thinks about this. (Of course, remembering that she's a part of Cornie, it's really what HE thinks about this sudden meeting of parents and principal. As he mulls it over, he might realize that there must be more to it. Why call him into the office to only discover Jennie's dad took her away? And Phyllis is in tears. What's with that? And what was with all that hugging, anyway? Something smells funny.)
I stop and wonder where you might take this play, Jay. I'm still hoping it ends with Cornelius playing before the school assembly, leaving his fellow students in awe, making Jennie so proud at the same time.
Nicely penned! A terrific drama! Keep up the good work!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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This scene was kinda iffy. The hugging bit may have been too Hollywoodish. I'm going to close this out in a couple more scenes. It's just stretching out too long for a play. You have been the steadiest presence here. I can feel though most of the readers are ready for it to end. Thank you for the six stars, Kimbob! You rock!
Comment from NABattaglia
Great work--but I don't need to keep telling you that! I always enjoy your work, which I think I saw you just won a monthly award. Great job and thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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Great work--but I don't need to keep telling you that! I always enjoy your work, which I think I saw you just won a monthly award. Great job and thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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Thank you, NA, and especially for your encouragement. I'm thrilled that you keep checking out my work.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I don't think your high level of direction etc. rather than dialogue is a problem. It all gels together rather well in the reading, and it just looks like a director's copy of a script rather than a published one. Remember, this is NOT a dialogue only contest, you are allowed some latitude here. The reason I only gave 5 stars, FYI, is nothing to do with this, it's just I feel that the lying to Cornelius may be storing up serious trouble for later, and it's not the way I think kids should be raised.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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I don't think your high level of direction etc. rather than dialogue is a problem. It all gels together rather well in the reading, and it just looks like a director's copy of a script rather than a published one. Remember, this is NOT a dialogue only contest, you are allowed some latitude here. The reason I only gave 5 stars, FYI, is nothing to do with this, it's just I feel that the lying to Cornelius may be storing up serious trouble for later, and it's not the way I think kids should be raised.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Katherine. The sixes, while appreciated, are less important than candor. Yours is appreciated.
Comment from lyenochka
I understand the need for the extra stage directions as this is a psychological drama and a lot is done through the actions and expressions of the actors. It seems with Cililla's guidance, Cornie is learning to meet the emotional needs of the adult women. It's interesting that Cililla who is trying to wean Cornie of his childhood imaginary friend is really helping to play into Phyllis's need to be a "pretend aunt." Well done.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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I understand the need for the extra stage directions as this is a psychological drama and a lot is done through the actions and expressions of the actors. It seems with Cililla's guidance, Cornie is learning to meet the emotional needs of the adult women. It's interesting that Cililla who is trying to wean Cornie of his childhood imaginary friend is really helping to play into Phyllis's need to be a "pretend aunt." Well done.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Helen. Experienced dramatists, like Lobber, for example have made me aware of the need to have the characters' speech move the plot forward, not the stage direction. But with the main character being autistic this is not easy to do. I realized early on, that this would have been better presented as a movie script than a play.
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You can still make it a movie script.
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That would be an interesting project. Thanks for broadening my thoughts.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
What a sad scene where Cornie found out his girlfriend Jennie got abducted by her father. You did a great job describing everyone's emotion and action in great details but this scene is too painful as in many scenes that deal with Cornie in real world. I want to see some happiness and some light-hearted humor if you could.
Well done.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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What a sad scene where Cornie found out his girlfriend Jennie got abducted by her father. You did a great job describing everyone's emotion and action in great details but this scene is too painful as in many scenes that deal with Cornie in real world. I want to see some happiness and some light-hearted humor if you could.
Well done.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2021
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Awwwww, it's good that you like the main character that much, Lisa. Thanks for your kind imput!
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Yes. He is a very talented and handsome young man.
Comment from SHABAMO
Wonderfully written, I took a few notes of lines I particularly liked. "Her eyes sweep the physical aspects and the mood of the room like a good general would the battlefield, or a comedian his audience." Loved that. Also the dialogue part of "You're standing up in your rowboat now, and it's rocking, dear ... the two fears are not connected. You're going to fall out of your boat and drown!" Thank you sir, for the inspiration to give better imagery, an area I need to develop my writing in!
- Shabamo
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Wonderfully written, I took a few notes of lines I particularly liked. "Her eyes sweep the physical aspects and the mood of the room like a good general would the battlefield, or a comedian his audience." Loved that. Also the dialogue part of "You're standing up in your rowboat now, and it's rocking, dear ... the two fears are not connected. You're going to fall out of your boat and drown!" Thank you sir, for the inspiration to give better imagery, an area I need to develop my writing in!
- Shabamo
Comment Written 31-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Thank you for both choosing my play to read and then complimenting it so warmly. You are appreciated, Shabamo. Good luck with your writing.